I read the story about the man whose girlfriend has stretch marks and who wanted advice on how to tell her to find a way to handle it. That story struck a chord and brought back some painful memories, so here I am to share my own. Because I have been on the other side of that kind of “concern.”

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Once upon a time, I dated a man. He was someone I liked, obviously, and who saw me, sized me up, and found a way to become my boyfriend. One day, he told me about my stretch marks. He said I should “do something about it.” At the time, they weren’t even very pronounced. They were quiet, beautiful, like my body’s own secret scars of stretching from within. Still, that comment alone made me sad in a deep way. I took a pause and thought deeply about us and the so-called love I claimed to have for him. I imagined what a future would be like with him. How would he react when I gave birth to his own child, and my body stretched, my stomach changed, and my skin changed? What if pregnancy showed me pepper and turned my body upside down for life? What would happen then?

There were other moments too. In a group conversation, this same person tried to make an example and said something along the lines of, “For example, if we got married…” then immediately added, “Actually no, we can’t get married because she’s fat; otherwise, all our kids will be fat.” Everyone laughed. That moment was so humiliating, painful, harsh, and sad. It took a toll on me. What made it worse was that we weren’t even in a serious relationship at the time. We were testing the waters, or should I say he wasn’t man enough to say exactly what he wanted, and I always took the little crumbs he gave me.

Later on, when he eventually proposed… yes, I know, I accepted. I said yes to him as in agreeing to walk with God. I did not say yes because I was okay with the comments he was throwing about my body, no. But because repeated teasing and body-focused criticism slowly erode your self-worth. Looking back now, I understand how easily someone can begin to tolerate things they shouldn’t when they’ve been made to feel like their body is a problem.

That relationship didn’t last. It should not have even started. The red flags were too many. I realized that if someone already views normal body features as defects, those “concerns” don’t disappear. They usually grow louder with time, pregnancy, aging, or any physical change that can’t be controlled. They compare you with others, they treat you less human, they make life almost unbearable, and they hate you enough to make you hate yourself.

Now, years have passed. I met a man, who is currently my sweet, sweet husband. By then, my stretch marks were more visible. I had even developed stretch marks on my belly, and no, I didn’t have children. They just came. My self-esteem at that time was very low. Yet he didn’t see my body as an issue. He didn’t try to manage, fix, or warn me about my future body. He loved me for who I was then, not for who I might become after changing myself. Today, we are married.

I am currently on a weight loss journey, not to please my husband. I am doing it for me, for my health, for myself. When I say a prayer, I often thank God that I met someone who loved me before any of that, someone who chose me when I wasn’t at my “best” by societal standards. That love made all the difference, because it wasn’t conditional.

So to respond honestly to the original question: stretch marks, chin hair, weight changes, and similar traits are not flaws. They are common, normal human features, especially for women. When these are framed as “genuine concerns,” it’s often less about health or solutions and more about discomfort with natural bodies.

You can speak calmly and still cause harm. And when someone reacts strongly to comments about their body, it isn’t them overreacting. It’s them protecting their dignity and their mental health, because when they stand in front of the mirror the things you say echo in their head. Sometimes, it gets so bad that they avoid mirrors and pictures altogether. It becomes a quiet form of self-hate.

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In my experience, the real question isn’t how to talk about these things without hurting someone. It’s whether you’re truly prepared to love a person whose body will inevitably change. Because bodies do change.

Sometimes, the body someone has doesn’t disqualify them from love. It simply filters out those who love conditionally and makes room for those who don’t.

—Claudia

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