I have been on Tinder for as long as I can remember. I have been swiping right and matching with different kinds of women. The goal is to meet someone, build a relationship together, and then see what happens as Christ tarries. I expected it to be easy. You know the way they portray it in movies. Two people would meet on a dating app, have a good chat after they realize how much they have in common, and then arrange a date. The date goes well so they fall in love and live a happy life together. Maybe I am too much of a dreamer because I expected something similar to happen in my case.

For some reason, I was matching with women who introduced themselves as hookup girls when we started talking. I tell them, “I am not just looking for casual sex. I want to form a real connection and fall in love.” The moment I say this, they disappear. I don’t mind. If we don’t want the same thing then what’s the point of it all anyway?

There were other women I matched with who also disappeared the moment I introduced myself as a Nigerian. I understand that some women in Ghana are not enthused about dating Nigerian men. So I make sure I bring up my nationality when I am introducing myself. That way nobody’s time is wasted if the woman doesn’t want a Nigerian man. So even though the discrimination hurts, it’s understandable when I don’t hear from them anymore.

There was one woman. When I introduced myself to her, she singled out, “Oh, you are a Nigerian.” I said, “Yes, is that a problem for you?” I imagine she smiled and shook her head as she typed, “Not at all. I have been told that Nigerian men take very good care of their women.” I laughed as I replied, “We do our best.” Things easily flowed from there. I was excited to meet someone who wasn’t only interested in fun, and didn’t write me off because of where I come from. She was open to getting to know me and exploring what we could build together. She was even the one who proposed a romantic relationship before we talked about meeting in person. I was happy.

While I was expectant, I had to back away from her when she started bombarding me with her family problems. She narrated the genesis of their financial crisis and every little way her family was struggling. She expected me to jump in and solve all their problems. I knew I couldn’t give her what she wanted so I disappeared.

After that experience, I asked myself, “What possessed me to think I could find love on Tinder? I am done here.” Just as I was about to hang my boots and continue my search for a partner elsewhere, I received a notification for a new match. Before I could fully process what was happening, Cynthia sent me a message. It looked suspicious because all the times I matched with someone, I was the one who initiated contact.

I opened the message to find this woman telling me I have beautiful eyes. I was surprised but it felt good to be complimented by a woman, especially about my eyes. I saw something in her bio that implied that she was a hookup girl but this time around it didn’t matter to me. She made me feel special so I was ready to let that slide.

When I was twelve, I was involved in an accident. They had to operate on my left eye to save my sight. That eye is the one part of my body that seems out of shape. Some people see it and assume I was born that way. Others also ask, “Who attacked you like that?” Those who don’t say anything also have a way of asking questions with their eyes. They would look at me until I hear their mind asking, “What happened to your eye?” All that unnecessary attention made me feel insecure about my appearance sometimes.

That’s why when Cynthia called my eyes beautiful, my heart warmed toward her instantly. I told her how I felt about my eye and she said, “It adds to your uniqueness. You don’t have to feel embarrassed about it at all.” After reading that message, I spent an awful amount of time smiling and feeling good about myself. “After all the stress I have met on this app, the higher powers have finally given me a big win!” I jubilated.

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Unexpectedly, she asked me; “Can you change the bio on your profile? It doesn’t say positive things about you so I don’t like it.” She asked me to write something nice about myself. I answered, “I have nice things on my WhatsApp bio. Do you want to check it out?” Then I followed up with my number.

When I finally changed my bio, she said she loved it. She threw in a red heart-shaped emoji for emphasis. I was about to respond to the message when the conversation disappeared. To say that I was confused is an understatement. It didn’t make sense. I thought we were good. I changed my bio to impress her. Was that the wrong I did?

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

In my disappointment, I consoled myself saying, “She has my number so maybe she will call me.” As soon as the words left my lips, another disappointing realization hit me. I mixed up the numbers I gave her in my excitement to type them fast. So she is lost to me forever now.

I didn’t get the chance to see her or hear her voice but I like her. I want to get to know her. I hope to see her someday. Cynthia, wherever you are, whoever you are; your last message to me was, “See you at the top hun” with love emojis. I want you to know that I have been thinking about you since our conversation disappeared from my phone. What did I say or do that put you off? Please, let’s talk about it.

I accidentally gave you the wrong number but if you replace these digits ******3620, with this one ******6320, you will get the right one.

Dear readers, please help me find this amazing Tinder match. I believe she is the woman meant for me.

—Ade

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