I got married in 2019, and we now have two children. My husband is an Uber driver. Due to the distance and bad state of our roads, he decided to get a place in town and only come home on weekends.

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We agreed that my mother would come live with me to help take care of the kids. We live in the house with four tenants so we are not alone even though the neighbourhood is still developing.

The arrangement worked well until two years ago when my husband accused my mother of witchcraft. He said he had bad dreams about her. Because of this, my mother had to leave.

When she left, I didn’t have help. I had to quit my banking job. My husband set up a business for me in one of the shops we built in front of our house. That’s what I have been managing till now.

Ever since my mother left, my husband hardly comes home. If he made it home once a month, it would have been better. This man would stay away for three to four months. Even with that, I would have to pick fights and quarrel with him before he would show up.

He makes sure we lack nothing, I will give him that. He sends us money every week. He pays all the utility bills including gas for cooking.

When it comes to communication too, he does well. We talk every day. No matter what, he won’t go to bed without hearing from me and the kids. That’s how he starts his day too, by talking to us. The only problem is the distance.

The way he is handling things suggests he wants to be in a long-distance marriage. That’s not what I signed up for. And that’s definitely not what I want for myself.

I’ve cried and begged him several times to move back home but he wants to do what he wants. I have reported him to our relatives but nothing has changed. All he would do is come home briefly and act like the ever-present husband. He would be sweet and lovely and make all sorts of promises.

“Going forward I will be home every weekend.”

“Even if work gets too busy, I won’t stay away for too long.”

After all his big words, my man would drive off and be gone for months.

Last year, I even reported him to the police after my pastor’s intervention didn’t work. He changed for a while but has now gone back to the same behaviour. He’s been away since November. How is this normal?

That November, he took us out for Christmas shopping and spent about ₦300,000 on clothes, among other things. We were all happy, thinking he was home for Christmas. Only for him to take off the next day.

During the Christmas festivities, he came home and took me and the kids out. Then he dropped us off close to the house and ran off. I haven’t seen him since that day.

Now he is accusing me too of witchcraft. He says I have a spirit husband, and that I am ogbanje. I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about. How am I supposed to know that I have reincarnated repeatedly after dying as a child? Only God knows who put those thoughts in his head.

That’s the excuse he holds on to when he doesn’t want to come home. He says there’s a lot of bad energy in our home. “Can’t you feel that this place is spiritually polluted?” He would ask me.

I don’t see anything evil or demonic in our house. The children and I are thriving well. We just need our daddy home with us. Is that too much to ask for?

He’s not the type that chases women. He is not even a sexual person. If not, I would have said another woman is keeping him away. But I know that’s not the case. He has just decided to stay away from me.

I’m gradually falling into depression. I’ve become a sad woman. I have withdrawn from everyone around me. I keep asking myself, “What’s so wrong with me that my husband would put such distance between us?”

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In his absence, I manage the house. I collect rent from the tenants, pay their NEPA bills, and resolve conflicts between them. Some of the tenants don’t even know him or have his number. If there are things beyond me, I report them to him and he gives me directions on how to handle them. How long am I supposed to live like this?

My dear readers, what can I do? I want my husband back. Even if it’s just on weekends, I need him around. What legal steps can I take to make this happen? Should I go to Human Rights in Ikorodu? Should I contact the policewoman I first reported him to? I still have her number.

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There are days I don’t pick up his calls just to let him know I’m hurt, but he still doesn’t change. I reminded him recently that it’s been more than three months since we saw him. He told me he won’t be home till June! Is this fair?

He is depriving me of my marital rights. Is this not an offence under the law? I need guidance on how to bring him home.

—Chelsea

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