big bride price

I was twenty-four years old when Charles and his family came to visit my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. I had dated Charles for over two years, and throughout that time, my parents were aware of our relationship, and his parents knew me very well. My dad presented the marriage list in a sealed envelope to Charles and his family, and they later left.

The night after the visit, Charles called me. He was angry about the items on the list. I rushed to see him that same night. I was saddened to see what my parents had listed as the bride price. My dad wanted a taxi, and he had included it on the list.

I rushed home and called my parents for a discussion. My dad got angry when I broached the topic. “Who are you to ask us to reduce what we’ve carefully selected as your bride price? If you want your husband to respect and treasure you, then keep quiet.”

I was so devastated that I started crying. I called our pastor to intervene. Charles was determined to wait for me as I tried to work things out. However, my parents refused to budge. My dad told me to perform the marriage rite myself if I thought I knew better than them.

That’s how I lost Charles. His family withdrew their blessings and called my family greedy. Gradually, he listened to his family and left me.

The story of my marriage list spread through the church like wildfire. It became the topic of gossip. Men avoided me as if I were some plague waiting to infect them. I never had a boyfriend again for years until, at 29, Randy came along.

There was something I liked about Randy. He was defiant and had a strong disdain for things that didn’t make sense. He didn’t fight or throw tantrums when he was angry. He would simply move on and do what made him happy.

A year into our relationship, Randy brought up marriage. I went home, told my parents what Randy had said, and asked them to prepare the marriage list for me to review before Randy came to meet them. My dad got angry and said, “If you think you are more sensible than us, then do your own thing. Why involve us?”

The day finally arrived. Randy came with his mother and uncle. After everything was said and done, my dad gave them the list in a sealed envelope and said, “My daughter is a good girl. I raised her very well, so she deserves all the honor you can afford.”

I left with Randy and his family. I was with him when he opened the envelope. Guess what? Everything was just the same as the list he had given to Charles. The taxi dream was still alive and kicking on the list.

Randy burst out laughing. He said, “Obviously, your dad doesn’t want me to marry you, but let’s surprise him.”

The next morning, he called my dad to try to negotiate. My dad talked about honor and how he had suffered to give me the best education so I could be an asset to my husband.

I spoke to my mom’s siblings and some of my dad’s siblings who had opposed his standpoint all along. They joined their voices and went to see my dad. My dad dropped everything on the list except the taxi and said, “He should just buy the taxi.” They told him, “That’s not what the tradition says. Your daughter will do well and get you a proper car in the future.” He replied, “You can’t tell me what to do. The man can afford it, so why are you fighting against it?”

My relatives agreed to stand in for me as my parents. I stopped caring and didn’t say anything more to my parents. I left the house and stayed with a friend.

On May 3rd, 2014, we got married. On May 5th, 2014, we did our court signing. A few family members were present, including my dad’s elder brother and my mom’s siblings. They were the witnesses. My uncle signed in my dad’s stead.

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The next day, I called my dad to tell him I was married. He had already heard the news and refused to pick up my calls. My mom spoke to me and broke down. I don’t know whether it was out of happiness or disappointment. My dad told some family members that I had dishonored him. He even told them the taxi was just a test to see how far the man would go to marry me. He didn’t tell me directly, but he told many people, including my siblings, that he had disowned me and barred me from attending his funeral.

I tried repeatedly to reach out to him through different means and through different people, but he refused to see me. My mom occasionally talked to me and updated me on how my dad was doing.

Seven months into our marriage, my husband and I left Ghana to settle in Canada, and we’ve been here ever since. My dad still doesn’t talk to me. My mom talks to me but won’t accept anything from me. She doesn’t want to disrespect her husband, which I understand. I’ve been happily married, but most importantly, I’m happy whenever I hear that my parents are in good health. I only hope that someday my dad will understand and forgive me.

—Patricia

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