Just two months after we started dating, my boyfriend’s best friend, Alex, came to me with a frown on his face and anger in his voice. He said, “Philip is having an affair with my girlfriend. I wasn’t told. I caught them red-handed.”

Philip is my boyfriend. I met him through Alex, his best friend. Alex had come to see a friend of mine but met me instead. We became friends, and through him, I met Philip. All these meetings happened within a month. We were busy getting to know each other, but we barely knew each other. Philip took my number that same day. He called and made his intentions clear: he wanted to be more than a friend.

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I gave him the chance to be a friend first, leaving the rest to whatever might develop along the way. Wherever we went, Alex was there with us. They often talked about Alex’s girlfriend, but I never saw her. I only heard her name: Abena. From the way they talked about her, it was obvious Philip was close to Abena. They told me I would meet her and like her instantly, so I waited for the day I would finally see her. That day never came. Instead, it was the cross-cheating that happened.

“You caught them red-handed? How? Where? When?” I asked, my lips trembling.

He answered, “Not too long ago. I’m just returning from the scene. He was on top of her when I walked in. It wasn’t sex, but they were loosening up while kissing.”

My heart started beating faster. I didn’t know who it was beating for—Alex or myself, for the situation we both found ourselves in. I called Philip and put him on loudspeaker. He said, “He’s lying. Don’t believe what he said. I’ll explain later.” Alex shouted from behind me, “You say I’m lying? Or do you think I’m not here? Were you not on top of—”

The line went dead before he could finish his sentence. I told Alex to calm down, but I was shaking like a corn mill engine. “He’s a cheat! He’s not worth it. He’s a snake in the grass,” Alex kept shouting.

I waited for Philip’s explanation for days. When I called, he told me he would come and see me to explain face-to-face. Three days later, I still hadn’t seen him. It was Alex who called me every day, asking if Philip had contacted me. I texted Philip, “Obviously, everything Alex said was true. That’s why you’re running away. Don’t worry. Whatever we had is over. You never loved me. You didn’t care. If you did, you would have been here long ago.”

His response was, “I know I’ve been declared guilty without a chance to explain. But he’s lying. Call Abena and ask. Nothing happened. Philip didn’t see what he thinks he saw.”

Again, he said he would come around. Again, he never showed up. Alex said, “He can’t face you because you have the truth. He’s a devil. Any man who can do this to a friend and his girlfriend has the heart of a devil.”

I knew it was over with Philip because there was no way I was going to continue dating him, even if he came to explain. His actions—and inactions—were suspicious. Alex was hurting, and it was understandable. I was hurting too. Two hurt people talked every day about their pain and how to move forward. Alex said, “Let’s date. It’s the only thing that can hurt them back.”

I laughed. I told him, “I won’t hurt myself just to hurt them. There’s already too much pain.” Alex said he loved me genuinely and maybe it was God’s way of bringing the two of us together. “When hurt people mend together, their bond becomes as strong as a mighty rock. Think about it,” he said.

I wasn’t going to think about anything. It wasn’t worth it, but Alex kept coming and coming, trying to prove the love case of our situation. I said no. He brought gifts. I said no. He brought tickets to events. I went to the events with him but still said no. He came over to my place. I had a reason to visit him too. We talked, but my answer was still no.

Philip called after weeks of silence. He said, “I can see you and Alex are getting along very well. Is something going on?”

I was so angry I told him exactly what I thought: “Yes, something is going on. Exactly what went on between you and Abena. Are you surprised?”

For the first time, he apologized for what happened and said, “I’m happy for you. Alex is a good person. You’re such a good person too. You two can be a great couple.” I screamed, “We already are. Do you want to hear about our first kiss or how we loosened up together?”

I hadn’t healed. The pain was too raw, and I was ready to hurt him with lies. He apologized once again and disappeared for good. Alex chased me for over three months, but he met a wall at the four corners of my life. I said no every day until he slowed down and eventually disappeared.

Now, this is where things got crazy. Everything that happened was part of a grand master plan by Alex and Philip to sleep with me. I don’t know what this brotherhood code is called, but according to Joe, who was there when the two hatched the plan, it started as a joke. Alex said he saw me first, and Philip bypassed him to get me. Philip told him not to worry because he was going to use me for a while and then leave me for Alex to get his “pound of flesh.”

The cheating scene, why Philip never came to see me after the alleged cheating, and Alex’s persistent attempts to win me over were all staged. There was no Abena, and there was no cheating. It was their childish plot to make me sleep with both of them.

When Joe told me, I called it a lie. He asked, “Where are the two guys? When was the last time you heard from them? They’re still friends and going on with their lives. You can check on them.”

Have You Ever Had A Reason To Cheat On Your Partner?


They say seeing is believing, but when I saw them, I couldn’t believe my eyes. They were even laughing at me. I laughed too, but mine came from a place of shock and amazement. If I ever have a son and he behaves like them, I would disown him. I would feel so betrayed that I would be ashamed to call him my son. I asked them what it meant to play with another human’s emotions, and they were just quiet.

Weeks later, Joe also proposed. I asked him, “If this is also part of the plan, please, I’m sorry. I know better now.” He might have been genuine, but I didn’t even want to see his face. The shock still runs through my blood as I write this. Is there anything boys can’t do? I wanted to say ‘men,’ but these are not men. They’re boys.

—Joyce

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