A year after we started dating, he travelled abroad. The communication never stopped. I would stay up late and talk to him because of the time difference. He promised he was making money so he could marry me. Hearing about marriage made me happy. I told him I couldn’t wait to be his wife. He told me he couldn’t wait to be the father of our children.
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Two years later, he completed his studies abroad and came back home. The excitement was there again. We were inseparable. He brought gifts for my parents and my siblings. I went to see his parents, I think for the third time, and he announced the marriage plans to them. They were receptive. They prayed for us and said everything was going to be well.
We should have been married last year, but a series of events went against us and disrupted our marriage plans. The idea was to marry in January this year. We were very close to finalizing our plans, but again, it didn’t happen. We scheduled the wedding for May. This time, it’s happening. Nothing will stop us unless one of us dies. Now, I almost wish death would come to me so the marriage won’t happen.
He hasn’t done anything wrong to me. He hasn’t cheated or been abusive. He has done his best—something many men wouldn’t do—but when I look at him and think about forever with him, I feel like it’s not going to work. I’m already bored. The many postponements have taken the excitement out of the wedding for me. I’ve had time to think about marriage and feel like it’s not for me.
I don’t love him like I used to. The butterflies no longer flutter when he talks about marriage. When I’m with him, I can’t wait for time to pass so I can leave or he can leave me alone. I told him nothing would happen between us again until marriage, and he agreed. He thinks I’m reserving what’s left for marriage, but in reality, it’s because sleeping with him has become a chore.
His touch doesn’t affect me like it used to. Nothing actually works, and I want to do him the honour of telling him the truth: that we should call off the wedding entirely or postpone it again. Postponement will make things worse. Calling it off will hurt him deeply. He’s a good man and doesn’t deserve this, but I look into myself and say, “I also don’t deserve a marriage I’m not excited about.”
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I’ve tried looking for a reason to leave. I’ve gone through his phone secretly. I’ve monitored his calls and the people he sends money to. I wanted to find something wrong so I could walk away, but nothing seems out of place. Can I just walk away when nothing is wrong? May is here, but my heart is far away. Will love come back in the morning if I go through with the wedding?
I’m just confused. Is this a normal feeling when you’re close to marriage?
—Efe
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If that’s how you truly feel,be bold and tell him the truth,he reserves it
Eii this marriage thing, I want to experience and see how I’ll feel…
Anyway it might be the thought of it so kindly talk to him about it
Please be truthful to him. Try new things with him to revive the old love. It looks like the distance and postponement has taken a toll on you. Let me tell you this even the new things becomes old . What you can do is to adjust, shape the old things to something beautiful. But if you think you can’t change your feelings please let him go so that he lick his wounds ,heal and meet someone who loves him truly and dearly. It looks like women don’t actually know what they need or want. Remember where there is a will there is a way just tune your mind to positivity .
By all means talk to him about your feelings. But my concern is what if you break this off, and you meet another man and the old feelings come back to attack you again? I suggest you go through with it, maybe motherhood will change you.
Aaaaw, Effe. Please, take it easy, calm down, and take in deep breaths.
I think you were overly anxious about the whole ceremony, and the fact that it’s been postponed twice has affected you. Talk to your counsellor about it, and seek professional help, if possible. Don’t forget to pray about it as well. I believe you’ll be fine.
Don’t just walk away from a good man….he’s hard to find
I agree with Lydia.
Is it possible that you’ve enjoyed all the marriage benefits and the honeymoon period was over during dating. Now you’re entering the plateau phase requiring intentionality and level headedness at the wedding stage hence the panic?
Just thinking out aloud.
My dear this happened to me when I was about getting married to my husband. We have known each other for years before getting married, though no intimacy. I almost ran away on the wedding day.
Here I am now, 15yrs down. Sometimes I say thank you Jesus for making me marry him. Now I see him as my celebrity husband. Hardworking, Godly, good Father, good husband etc……
Please do not listen to that your feeling or boredom. If you leave him and he gets married to another woman, that’s when the love will come back and you will want him, but he is gone. And the next thing you will start disturbing him for attention when he already has a family. Please go through with the marriage. God bless and be with you.