It has always been Samantha. My parents knew her. Her parents knew me. They were all sure we were going to get married. I was sure I was going to marry her too but somewhere along the line, Judy came into the frame.

Judy was my classmate back in SHS. We fell in love but couldn’t stay in love for long. We started dating when we were in form one. When we were going to form two she traveled abroad. I didn’t have a phone then so communication broke down and the two of us lost contact.

Along the line, I stopped thinking about her. Mathew used to give me inspiration. He told me, “One day she’ll come ooo. She’ll come looking like a princess and you’ll love her again so take your time.”

We completed SHS and went to the university and completed but Jude never came back. I wasn’t waiting for her. I entered into several relationships along the line but if she came, I would have left those girls I was dating for her. But she never did until I found Samantha and dated her for three years before she appeared out of nowhere.

Mathew was right. She came looking like a princess. I saw her once and I fell in love with her all over again. The first person I called was Mathew. We were still best friends. We lived closer to each other and went to work at the same place. We were working for different organizations but on the same premises. Mathew laughed and asked me, “So what are you going to do? You have Samantha. Old love came knocking. Are you going to respond?”

I responded to Judy but kept her on the side while dating Samantha seriously. There was no way I was going to leave Samantha for her. We had gone too far to break up and regardless of everything, I loved Samantha dearly. I wasn’t going to run away from a three-year relationship and follow an old love. At some point, I told Judy about Samantha; “She’s the one in my life now. It would be hard to let her go but I love you too and you know it.”

She gave me space to decide but while at it, we continued doing what lovers do. She had the money and was ready to spend it on me. She told me she was ready to leave with me if only I could take her seriously. “We can marry today and leave tomorrow if only you have the balls to decide.” I wasn’t confused. I knew it was Samantha but I was holding on with Judy until she leaves.

Whatever happened between me and Judy, I told Mathew about it. If it’s funny we would laugh about it. If it’s serious he would tell me to be a man and decide. He didn’t tilt to anyone’s side. He had known Samantha for a long time and he called her “Our wife.” Judy came in but he always told me to be a man and decide.

One day Samantha read our messages. I don’t know why she skipped the messages between me and other ladies and instead read the messages between me and Mathew. Samantha was the first on the chat history but she skipped that and read the messages between me and Mathew.

She got all the gist and broke down. I saw her crying while holding my phone. We talked about it. I apologized but she didn’t listen. She said, “So this is what you guys have been talking about? You see me and you laugh but have all these bad intentions about me?” She left my place angrily and told me never to call her again.

I called Mathew, “Bro, we are dead. Samantha found out. She’s crying. I think it’s over. She left a moment ago and told me not to call her again.”

Mathew is always well-composed when it comes to issues like that. While I was scared and fretting he was calm about the whole thing. He told me not to worry; “Women are like that. Give her some space, she’ll come around again.”

We met in the office in the morning and read our messages all over again. We were looking for where the issues were so we could build defences together. I mean things were too clear in the chat. I was cheating so we agreed to go and apologize together.

I went with Mathew. The moment she saw us, she got up and left. She went into her room and locked the door. We followed up. She screamed, “I don’t want to see you guys around here. You’re evil. You don’t want anything good for me. And you Matthew. I’m scared of you. If you knew all these and continued acting innocent around me, then you can kill.”

It took us two months to be able to resolve this issue. By then, Judy had travelled back abroad. It was hard but lovers always found their way back. Samantha forgave me but never forgave Mathew. She told me he was a bad influence on me so I should cut him off. I told her to let go but she never did.

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They talked to each other and laughed at some point but she never liked him. She didn’t want to hear, “I was with Mathew.” Or “I went out with Mathew.” I had to navigate through those lines carefully until it’s now time for us to get married.

The cheating incident happened two years ago. We are totally healed and have moved away from it long ago. I haven’t spoken to Judy since the incident. The love between me and Samantha had grown wings and can fly over big and small problems. It’s the reason we know marriage is the next step. But there’s a problem. She wants me to change my best man.

There’s no one I can think of to be my best man except Mathew. He has been there since day one. While my relationship with Samantha has gone through thick and thin, my friendship with Mathew has gone through everything friendship could go through. He’s been there when I needed a hand. He’s been the head I reason with. When I needed a centre, he was the one who provided the stability. At this moment, he’s the only best man I know and I want him by my side on that day.

I want him in my pictures. I want to show my kids who a good friend is. I want them to know how far I’d come with Mathew. They would grow up and call him Uncle Mathew because he’s more than a brother to me. He’s not only going to be the guy who wiped off the sweat on my face on my wedding day. He’s going to represent a pillar, something he has always been in my life but Samantha says no. “How can a guy who advised you to take another woman become the best man? That can’t happen. His hands are not clean and I want him nowhere near my wedding.”

It’s been two years. We forgave each other so we can forge ahead. If she forgave me why can’t she do the same with Mathew? She wants her junior brother to be my best man because I said I don’t have anyone. Her junior brother that I don’t even talk to. After the wedding, he’s my brother-in-law and that’s all. No history. No friendship. Nothing. “I’d rather do the wedding without a best man than have your brother next to me,” I told her. She responded, “So be it.”

Mathew doesn’t know what’s going on. He has already bought his suit and shoe waiting for the big day. If I tell him what’s going on, I know Mathew, he’ll say it’s alright but that would be the beginning of the end of our friendship. He won’t hate me, far from it. He’ll stay away from me knowing that my wife doesn’t like him. He’s like that. He doesn’t want to be the reason people would fight or have misunderstandings. And there’s no tangible reason to give him to hide the fact that it’s my wife who doesn’t want him to be my best man.

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I’m starting my marriage life with a problem. It doesn’t look good. What should I do to restore calm? I need Mathew by my side. If I’d been forgiven then Mathew also deserves the same forgiveness. He didn’t even advise me to do it. His only sin is that he knew about it and still acted friendly with her. I’m the one who made the mistake but I’m going to wear a black suit and make a vow to love you through sickness and in good health and live with you until death do us part, with the history of my cheating past. How come the one who only knew about the mistake can’t deserve half of the forgiveness given to me? This, I can’t understand.

—Greg

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