When he proposed to me, I took my time to think through things to be sure I don’t do the wrong thing. He was a man I liked but that wasn’t enough. I’ve followed my heart to places I didn’t deserve to be so with Alex, I decided right from the start that I was going to assess him very well so I don’t get it wrong. I asked if he wasn’t married and he stretched all his fingers towards me, “Check and see if there’s a ring on any of them or even a ring mark.”

I asked for time but he was in a hurry to have me as his girlfriend. I accepted but told him that I wasn’t going to stay in the dark so as soon as possible, he should show me out. He agreed and took me to meet his best friend. From there, whenever he went out with friends, He invited me to hang out with them so I get to know the people in his life.

Socially, he’s healthy. Professionally, he’s grounded. As a person, he doesn’t have too much to hate about him. After three months of being around him, I decided I would let myself go and see what was at the end of his tunnel, light or darkness.

To be honest with you, I didn’t have enough to hate or talk about or even doubt but three months was still too early to know everything. It was still a young flower in the ground so the wind treated it gently.

One day he took me home to meet his dad. His dad lives alone after the death of their mother years ago. He doesn’t play with his father at all. Anytime he mentions his father’s name, you see a change in his demeanour.  It’s not too hard to know he reveres the man. He took me home because according to him, the old man had been on his neck to marry because he was too old. He’s thirty-six. He told me he wasn’t married because he hadn’t met the right one.

READ ALSO: It Was All Love Until She Set Her Eyes On Me

In his house, his father extended his hand to shake my hand. When he took my hand in, he looked into my eyes and asked if I was doing well. I responded, “Yes Daddy.” He mentioned his name to me and said he was happy to see me. When Alex introduced me as the woman he wanted to settle with, he didn’t seem enthused. He said, “My daughter, I hope you enjoy yourself around here.”

I did. I cooked something for us since I was the only woman in the house. We said our goodbyes when the sun was setting and left for our place. Alex asked how I felt around his old boy. I told him, “He’s very welcoming and warm but I couldn’t connect with him on a certain level. I guess it’s just the beginning. Let’s see how it goes as time goes.”

We went to visit often on Saturdays. Through that, I met his sisters and his elder brother who were all welcoming to me. It felt like I was in a new nest where everyone wanted me around and did their best to let me know I belonged. His sisters took my number. Some of them call me to ask how life is. They watch my status. They comment on my dress. I tell them I will give it to them.

One of these days, we went to see his father and I was left with him when Alex went out to get us some stuff. It was awkward because I didn’t know what to say to him to while away time until Alex returned. He asked me, “So how is it going?” “Everything is fine Daddy,” I responded. He said, “I mean between you and my son?”

When I told him everything was fine he didn’t seem enthused. There’s this look he puts on when he’s unconcern about things. That was exactly the look he put on. He told me, “Maybe you’ll tell him but if you’re wise, you’ll think about it and decide for yourself that what I’m going to tell you is true.”

He told me I was the third woman Alex had brought home in less than two years. He was concerned about me because I’m a good girl and everything I’d done around felt like I was brought up right. “I didn’t talk to anyone he brought here the way I’m talking to you,” he said. “My son will waste your time and later tell me the feeling wasn’t the same.”

According to his dad, all the two women he brought home and later left them, his reason was that he didn’t feel the same way about them and it usually happened when the relationship was getting to a year. “What my son needs is therapy and not another girlfriend but he won’t listen to me that’s why I’m talking to you about this. Force him to see a therapist or break up with him before he breaks up with you because it’s going to happen soon.”

I haven’t told Alex about this because I’m trying to be wise just as his father said. I believe people change and from what I’ve seen from Alex, he has slowed down a bit. He was forceful from the beginning. He could call me at night and ask what I was doing. If I told him I wasn’t doing anything. He would tell me to come over. One time I told him it was too late. He came around and said, “I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to see you.”

It was lovely but these days, things have slowed down. I knew about it even before his father mentioned it. I’m not saying what his father said is true but I’ve seen traces. Though I interpreted it differently, what his father said aligns perfectly with my experience.

He suggested two things. I’m not ready to break up with him. He hasn’t been a bad boyfriend after seven months of dating. If you ask me to rate him, I will give him seven out of ten. That’s a huge score so instead of breaking up with him, I decided to talk to him about the therapy. It was hard but once I mentioned it, he asked me, “Have you been talking to my dad? Why are you sounding like him? He’s the one who thinks I need therapy.”

I told him we all do need one and it’s the reason we do counseling before marriage. “We can see a therapy together or we can do it individually and see what comes out of it.” He told me point blank, “I don’t need one. What can they tell me that I don’t already know? I’m good but you can have the therapy if you want to.”

Therapy is currently off the table but what his dad told me hasn’t stopped ringing in my ears. These days, anything he does to me, I assess it through the filter of what his dad told me, “Is it what his father told me about? Is it a sign that we are coming to an end soon?”

I asked what happened that ended the relationship between him and his last two exes. He answered, “It’s a lot. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s in the past. I’ve moved on and they’ve moved on too so it’s not needed.”

I wanted to know if there is a pattern just like his father said. That it was about a change of feeling and not because something went wrong. He’s uptight about it while I’m here scared instead of enjoying the relationship.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

Should I tell him what his father told me? Maybe that would help him open up to me. Every change I see him scares me. If his father didn’t say what he said, I would have treated it as a normal phase. But knowing what I know, it’s difficult to just let it go like that. What should I do? I want to keep this relationship. It’s not bad. It keeps giving amidst some turbulence here and there. To me it’s ok. To his father, it’s a sign of the end time. What should I do?

—Emmy

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