We live in the same neighborhood. That was what got us talking the first time we met at the National Service District Office. I had gone to submit my appointment letter at the office when I met him. His name is Fred. While he was processing my paperwork, he mentioned the name of his neighborhood. “You live at Lapaz?” I asked excitedly. Before he answered I said, “I also live at Lapaz. Which side are you at?” That was what broke the ice between us.

After Fred finished processing my paperwork, one of his colleagues advised him to take my number. The guy told him, “You two live in the same neighborhood so you can be friends. Maybe she even has a sister she can connect you to.” We all laughed about it but Fred took my number before I left the District office that day.

Before I even went to that office, I told my mum and myself that I was going to meet my husband through my national service. I said it as a joke but I was also determined to keep an open mind and be receptive to anyone I came across. Fred was not an exception to this.

Immediately after I left the place, Fred and I started chatting on WhatsApp. First, we exchanged some pleasantries. He told me I was cute. “You are not so bad yourself,” I responded. The next thing he said shocked me. “Then let’s get married.” That was what he said. I laughed it off as a joke and then told him I wasn’t ready to settle down anytime soon. He also laughed and texted me, “Just kidding.” So we were off to an interesting start.

From there, the conversation went on smoothly. Every morning he would text me, “Good morning beautiful,” and I would blush and text back, “Good morning You!” We would then talk about our plans for the day, which would lead to us having conversations about our personal lives. That’s how we learned things about each other.

A few days into the talking stage, he proposed love to me. I didn’t say yes immediately. I told him to make it official and let’s see how it goes. I liked him. However, I was not in a hurry to jump into a relationship just because I was single and he was available. I wanted to make sure he was someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

Two days later he came to me again. This time around he said, “I know you and you also know me. We know what we need to know about each other so what are we waiting for? Let’s explore the chemistry between us and give us a shot at being happy.” I thought about what he said. Most importantly, I thought about him. He had visited me twice since we met and we had lengthy conversations both times. I have been told that a man wouldn’t make the effort to visit you if you are not important to him.

I believed I knew him well enough to be with him. So a week after we met that fateful day, I became his girlfriend. It was probably too soon but it felt right in my heart. That’s why I took a leap of faith and gave him a chance. The only thing I was not ready to do was to have Shuperu with him. I didn’t hide it from him. I specifically told him, “I will accept your proposal on the condition that we would abstain from premarital sex.” He accepted my terms so I also accepted him.

We had a little misunderstanding before the relationship officially began but we thrashed it out as quickly as it arose. The days that followed were all good and beautiful until we had another misunderstanding on Friday, 24th November 2023.

The whole thing began when we were talking on the phone one night. All of a sudden he started making jokes and teasing me. I am not against fun but some jokes are quite mean. So I told him to stop it. He didn’t listen. He kept making these jokes and making fun of me. The fact that he wouldn’t listen to me made me feel he was not serious about me.

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Out of anger I all but yelled, “Leave me alone and go find the person you will be serious about.” That’s all I said. Let’s not forget that I was angry when I said it so I didn’t mean it. I was only trying to annoy him. This guy chose that time to take me seriously. He said the relationship was over.

I apologized to him several times but he refused to forgive me. He says I should also leave him alone and move on. I am so surprised at how things have turned out. We dated for only ten days. How can we be broken up? I can’t say I am not hurt. Because we didn’t get intimate, he is acting like what we had meant nothing. “It should be easy for you to move on. After all, nothing happened between us,” he said. I am shattered.

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My best friend and my younger sister apologized to Fred on my behalf but he still said no. Does it mean he never really loved me or what? Enough time has passed since that incident but he still refuses to let it go. He even offers to help me move on.

What do I do now? Should I try my best to move on or I should keep apologizing and hope he would change his mind? Don’t get me wrong, I have thought about moving on, but I keep thinking about the fact that I will see him every month when I go for my monthly validation. He is the one in charge so I won’t be able to avoid him. Please advise me on what to do.

—Lexa

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