Five years ago, my wedding almost got cancelled. My then fiancé hadn’t fulfilled all the traditional requirements before the date the white wedding arrived. Well, that’s a more polished way of saying it. What happened is, he didn’t pay my dowry.
FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX
His family had to come in and plead with mine. They promised the dowry would be paid within a stipulated time after the wedding. This was what convinced my family to finally allow the marriage to happen.
It’s been five years now but he still hasn’t paid the dowry. I suppose I should have known that if he didn’t pay it at that time, he wouldn’t pay it later. To this day my family brings it up. They tell me to put pressure on him to fulfil the obligations.
What they don’t know is that his refusal to pay the dowry is the least of my problems. We’ve been having financial struggles since we got married. It has stained every aspect of our lives.
I am not saying that I am the perfect human being. All I am saying is that a lot of our marital problems have to do with my husband.
While I am fighting to keep things fresh and exciting within the marriage, my husband would rather get his excitement from other women.
“You look good,” he would tell them.
“You are a very beautiful woman,” he would sometimes say.
Meanwhile, I am a beautiful woman too living under his roof but I don’t remember the last time he told me this.
I try to organize date nights. Something to keep the marriage young and alive despite our many troubles. This man would dismiss me with excuses like, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
There are times I would go into details of what I had planned. He would simply shrug and say, “Let’s see.”
Oh, but I see him making plans with his friends. He is never too busy to go out with them. Sometimes they don’t even make plans. The moment they call him, he is out the door.
One time I sat him down and asked him, “What’s going on? Why have you changed so much? You were not like this in the first two years of our marriage.”
He blamed it on money. He said he was too occupied with our financial problems to have time for anything else. What has giving your wife some time and attention got to do with money? How much does it cost to pay the woman you live with a simple compliment?
I don’t even understand why he is using money as an excuse. I have been in charge of the bills these past few years. His business hasn’t been doing well, and as a supportive wife, I have been handling everything.
When I say everything, I mean every wee little thing. From our rent to utility bills to all the other bills in the house. It’s beginning to take a toll on me.
I am not able to use my earnings to pursue my personal goals. It all goes into the home.
Before marriage, I was pursuing a four-year degree. Now, I’m in year five but I still haven’t completed it. This aside, I was running a business but I had to shut it down. I kept spending the proceeds and even the capital on household expenses. It just couldn’t hold up with all that pressure.
Everything I spend money on is for the family. By the time I receive my salary, nearly all of it would have gone into bills. It’s even a luxury for me to spend money on my hair.
Despite all this, I haven’t complained. I am not letting it get in the way of my relationship with my husband. I feel everything I do is for our future and our happiness. When it comes to him I can’t say the same.
READ ALSO: My Wife Put Her Friend Under My Care, But I Accidentally Got Her Pregnant
I think he is looking out for himself. I understand his business is down but once in a while, he makes some money. He never tells me how much he made nor does he attempt to split the bills when the business gets some clients.
I have no idea how he spends his money, but I do know that he manages to pay for his own haircuts and buy himself new clothes. Anything that has to do with lifting some of the financial burden off me doesn’t concern him.
I Never Paid Fees Again Until I Completed School
I want to know if there is any woman here who has been in my shoes before. How did you navigate these rough waters in your marriage? I need to know if there’s hope that my husband will change.
Maybe once his business starts picking up, he will start contributing to the home and focus on keeping the marriage working. I don’t want to accept that everything I am experiencing now will be my reality throughout the marriage. How do I change things?
—Penny
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB
I have a story to share
Nothing Is going to change,trust me on this! Unless you use reverse psychology and do/say the exact opposite of everything you have been doing or saying! Focus only on things that concern you! Such men don’t usually change!
I agree. Look out for yourself more . Pay the necessary expenses and the less important ones stop them and use it to take Care of yourself. Like you said he is out for himself so do same. People love good looking things so look good for yourself not for your husband.
From your narrative, I think u force yourself into the marriage, imagine he couldn’t pay for ur bribe price, what else do u expect?
t’s better you forget him and have your independent life, maybe that’ll change him
Women and marriage, SMH.
Women stop marrying boys oo.
Its marriage an achievement or what???
You still call this marriage? Girl use your senses and stop fooling there.
You have to stop paying all the bills immediately. If you aren’t strong enough to face him head on, tell him that they sacked you or that they reduced your salary. Don’t pay the rent, if they want to throw you out of the house, let the landlord evict you. Don’t pay the electric bill, wait for at least three days before paying, tell him that you don’t have money. Reduce the quantity of food that you give him, in fact don’t serve him meat or fish again, if he complains, tell him that’s what you can afford.
Last and most importantly, stop trying to be a supportive wife to a selfish man who only cares about himself. The honest truth is that you are alone in your marriage. A man who claims that his business is not doing well, spends all his spare time chasing other women. It would shock you to know that all his money goes to these women. Prioritise yourself and save your money. If heaven wants to fall down, let it fall.