Her mother and mine have been best of friends for as long as I can remember. It hasn’t even been just the moments. Both our families are intertwined in friendship.

We all know that if her mum meets my mum, they chat till words are finished. So when I used to go to church with my mum, I always prayed that she wouldn’t run into Ama’s mother. Sometimes I would see her first and steer my mother in another direction. Because there was no chance we would get home early if they saw each other. That’s how inseparable they were.

We lived in the same neighborhood, attended the same church, and our families were close but I never spoke to Ama. We never even exchanged greetings. We always looked shyly away from each other whenever our mothers met at church or in town, and we were with them. There was nothing like a nod of acknowledgment or even a pleasant smile. This gave me the impression that she was not friendly.

Although I thought this way about her, I liked her. I wanted to talk to her and get to know her. I wanted to be her friend. The kind of intimacy our families shared, I wanted it between us. So one day I gathered every iota of courage my body possessed and made the first move. I saw her pass by the neighborhood one evening and called her. I expected her to be rude and ignore me but she did no such thing.

The softness and calmness with which she responded to me made me realize that I was wrong about her the past twenty years our family had been close. Unlike my expectations of her, Ama was warm and chatty. That evening we spoke for almost an hour. I hung on to everything she said as though my life depended on it. It was as if I missed one word, I would be missing the second coming of Jesus Christ.

When we parted ways that night that night, the conversation didn’t end there. We had a lengthy conversation on WhatsApp about our lives. At the end of the night, we both disclosed that we were single. It pleased me to know that the girl I liked didn’t have a man in her life. It meant I had a shot at winning her heart. So I got to work.

We spoke consistently for four months in the name of friendship. There was nothing we didn’t talk about. Sometimes we discussed our mothers and made jokes about partners in crime. We also talked about ourselves, what we liked about each other, and the little things we didn’t particularly like but could accommodate in each other. I knew what made her giggle like a teenager and what not to do if I didn’t want to upset her.

Every single thing about her made me fall deeper in love with her each passing day. In the fourth month of our friendship, I couldn’t contain my love anymore. It was threatening to either burst out of me and tear me to shreds or consume me whole. I didn’t have a choice but to confess my feelings to Ama. “I don’t think I can live another day without telling you that I am madly in love with you,” I said, “Please be my girlfriend.” She did not say yes immediately. And she didn’t say no either.

I was worried I had ruined our friendship by telling her I wanted more. However, she surprised me the next day when she called to say, “Yes, I will be your girlfriend. I love you too.” After this happy news, we arranged for her to visit me for the first time.

The day she came, we got carried away and did everything. My mother did not approve of her visit. “If you have anything amorous doing with Ama, end it now and stay away from her,” she warned. I was shocked. Why wouldn’t my mother want me to date her best friend’s daughter? I asked her this same question but she couldn’t give me an answer.

I didn’t mention it to Ama that mother didn’t want us to be together. I didn’t stay away from her either. I loved her too much to walk away from her without any good reason.

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Three years into our relationship, I asked her to make inquiries about us performing traditional marriage rites. I believe that was when his father found out we were not just friends. He told his daughter to leave me. He didn’t give her any reason why she should. He even asked her not to tell me that it was his decision to end our relationship. He wanted Ama to look for another reason to break up with me, but she told me everything. Love like ours cannot be quenched so easily, you know.

Once again, I was shocked by our parents. I was always at Ama’s house so his dad knew me very well. He was the one who opened their gate for me sometimes. He always welcomed me with warmth. We had conversations and he gave me pieces of advice countless times. I felt as though I was his son. So should it be a problem for me to marry his daughter?

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I went to my mum to ask more questions but all she could say was, “I know that man. He will never allow you to marry his daughter. Just find another girl to marry.” Ama also spoke to her parents but none of them gave her any answers. I don’t know what is going on with them but why must we pay for whatever it is their hiding from us? My love and I are both very confused. We don’t know how to end a relationship we’ve both invested so much in without any tangible reasons.

What can we do to change our parents’ minds? How can we get the truth out of them? I feel so lost and heartbroken.

—Deladem

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