We’ve been married for five years and five years, I’ve never ‘come.’ We have two kids. We wouldn’t have had them if orgasm was a prerequisite for pregnancy. For five years I’ve complained but he hadn’t seen the need to do anything about it. He told me, “I’ve been able to get you pregnant and the two kids we have are a sign that my shuperu is effective.”

He gets on top of me, goes about his business, gets his gold and sleeps for the rest of the night. I continued having shuperu with him because I needed kids. Currently, we no longer want kids. We wanted two and we have them so no need to try again. Every shuperu we have now is for our enjoyment but here’s the case he doesn’t make me ‘come’ so what’s the point?

I brought it up for discussion. He put the blame squarely on me; “It’s your fault. You’re too hard to please. Go to other people’s homes and see. They don’t even get their husband to do it for them but see you. I give it to you as often as you need it and you’re here complaining.”

I’ve taught him where to touch and where to hit to make things easier but he does it as if he’s being forced to do it and in the middle of the act asks me, “Have you ‘come’?” Like, what have you done for me to ‘come’? He would stop doing it because he’s too tired and frustrated by my inability to just come.

So anytime he fails to get me to the pinnacle, I don’t allow him to sleep. I will disturb his night, I will make noise, I will nag him out of his dreams, and pull off the clothes he’s using to cover himself. Anything to register my displeasure because it hurts—it hurts your hormones and hits the inner core of your womanhood if you do shuperu without a reward.   

What One Lesson Did You Learn From Your Dad?

To settle matters, I told him, “Before you can penetrate, you should let me ‘come’ first.” He said he doesn’t have the time to do that. I told him, “Then I also don’t have shuperu to give.”

Currently, we are both in the same room but minding our businesses. It dawns on me sometimes that I might be doing the wrong thing but if this is a wrong approach, then what is the right approach when it comes to a husband like mine?

—Efia

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