This is our second separation. The first one happened a year ago. When I was leaving home, I knew our marriage had come to an end. We had become two different people in marriage than we were when we were dating. She said I had changed. She accused me of cheating on her. She would close from work and come home late. I would do the same thing and she would accuse me of cheating on her. I told her, “Maybe that’s what you do when you stay out late.”

It would turn into a fight. Neighbours will come in to separate us. Everyone around knew our issues. They gossiped about us. They told us, “Why don’t you guys divorce and live your lives in peace?”

So I left home one day after a fight and told myself I wasn’t coming back again. Just a week later, she started texting me, “You know you’re my world. Without you, it’s not easy. Please come back home.”

My uncle called. My parents have died long ago. Her parents called me. I had gone back to drinking, something I stopped many years ago. I said it was over. I was sure I didn’t need her in my life. I stayed away for four months but my ears never rested. I listened. I prayed over it and went back home. Our marriage was three years old.

When I went back she was sweet. She told me; “Let’s have a baby as soon as possible. A baby will stabilize us. Usually, they are the bond that keeps a marriage going.”

We had been trying throughout the three years for a baby but it hadn’t worked out. We intensified the zeal. Nothing happened. Slowly and subtly, we sunk back to where we used to be—fighting, staying out late, drinking and calling each other demons. Again, neighbours came in almost every night to separate our fights. The landlord told us, “You’re out of my house the next time you fight. I won’t wait until one of you dies before I act.”

I left home for the second time. That was two months ago. She texted a week after I’d left, “You can go to hell and not come back here again. There are better men than you. I’ll get a good one when all this is over.”

I didn’t respond. Days later, it was a voice note. I didn’t listen. Days later her father called me, “You two should make things work. You love each other so what’s wrong?” She was there with her dad when he called me. She took the phone and said, “I’m sorry, please come back home.”

My Husband Doesn’t Know That I Know His Affair Partner Is Pregnant

She brought me lunch at work. She didn’t know where I was living. She would have brought me food and come to wash for me on weekends. She has been doing this for over a month. She tells me we will never fight again and she’s serious about that. I love her. I want this to work but this pendulum kind of marriage is killing me. I know what to do. She knows what to do because when I’m away, she does the good things.

Why doesn’t it work when we are together? I want to go back but I’m not sure. I’m enjoying who we are now. Who she has become. Sober and submissive. Living together again will rob this away from us in no time, I know. What’s next for a marriage like ours?

— Enoch

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