Of all the problems I imagined I could face in my marriage, I did not imagine this would be one of them. I married a very calm and peaceful woman. I am also the quiet type so it was the perfect arrangement for us. Honestly, it still is. We don’t fight unnecessarily. When we do, it’s not loud or dramatic. We just settle whatever misunderstandings we face amicably and move on. Sometimes we even have mind-blowing make-up sex and the bond grows stronger.
Sex. That’s one thing that we always bond over. Well, there are many other things we bond over. However, when it comes to the bedroom, the intimacy we share is on another level. I know how she likes it and I make sure I meet her needs. It is when she is sated that I get my turn at satisfaction. It’s always been like that and I have never complained.
When we were dating, one thing that came up when we talked about shuperu was cunnilingus. “I like it very much,” she declared, “without it, I am not interested in the main act.” I took note of it. So when we started having shuperu, I would always go down on her until she finishes. After that, she didn’t mind whether I lasted for three seconds or two minutes. She was satisfied with whatever stamina I brought to the main act.
I remember she would even get upset if I lasted for too long. The maximum she could accommodate was ten minutes. Anything longer than that would put her off. That was how we did it until we got married. Even after marriage, the flow continued that way. Whenever I was in the mood to have her, I would have to go down on her first. Even if it’s just a quickie, she would say, “You know what to give to get what you want. So get to work.” I don’t have a problem going down there so I always pleasured her.
Recently, I was surfing the internet when I came across an article about cunnilingus. The article said that it causes throat cancer. It was new information to me. All those times I was going down on her, I didn’t know I was risking my health. I read more articles on the subject, even medical blogs. They all said it increases the chances of getting throat cancer.
I sat my wife down and shared this information with her. “I didn’t know I was risking my life at first but now that I do, I don’t want to do it again.” That was the beginning of our problems. She tried to talk me out of my decision but hey, I don’t want to die because of sex.
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Ever since we had that conversation, our sex life has never been the same. Whenever I am in the mood, she refuses me access to her body because I wouldn’t give her head. When I manage to persuade her too, she would just lie down without getting involved. You would think someone took my wife away and put a log in my bed in her place. Our once exciting and spicy bedroom affairs have now become dry and boring.
This has killed my desire for her. I still love her. We don’t argue about it. Our home still has the semblance of peace even though there are troubled waters underneath the calm. Before all this started, I was always turned on by her. Unless I am not near her, my thing would rise in salute. However, her behaviour has killed everything. Even when I am horny, the thought of doing it with her quenches my desire.
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I am concerned that this seemingly minute problem would affect other aspects of our marriage. I don’t want to be one of those couples who become like siblings and have no passion for each other. However, I also don’t want to compromise my health in an attempt to pleasure her. What do I do? How do I resolve this without destroying the peace in my home?
We are perfectly fine in other aspects of our marriage. When it comes to money, we don’t struggle. We are not wealthy but we both earn income so we are comfortable. I provide, and she supports. It is only when it comes to this issue about giving her head, that we seem to have reached an impasse. I just need a way to make all of us happy without anyone risking life and death. Please, help!
—Kofi
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Has she ever given you head before, let her understand the health implications associated with that and ask her if she can risk that for you, bcos the virus associated with head given can affect both of you. Masa don’t compromise her pleasure for your health. Tell her to do the same thing for you and see if she will risk her life for your sexual pleasure. If you die today she go get marry
I think you would have to reconsider your decision. Your bedroom agreement might have been part of the marriage negotiations you had . So now if you are opting out then I think you haven’t been fair to her . You may have to find a something that might work for her again . Until then she would continue behaving the way she is
Why don’t you show your findings to her . Maybe to her she thinks you are making things up so to avoid going down on her. Besides there is also the use of sex toys such as vibrators that can be used on her clitoris to attain the satisfaction she needs. You don’t have to go down on her anymore once you acquire these sex toys. You using them as a substitute doesn’t make you less of a man. Infact it’s makes things interesting.
You can use dental dams. You can get then from the dentist. You have to insert it into your mouth before going down on her. You don’t have to worry about the fluids getting into contact with your mouth. It’s safe but it can get uncomfortable by blocking you airway.
Commentwhat sort of stupid and inappropriate advice is this?!
you’re always fond of men, reaching a COMPROMISE for women. Buhh when the ball is in the court of women, you advise drastic action without compromise, no consideration, no looking back! You’ll say “that’s all, I agree with you”.
Most of your views are outrightly dumb, shallow, myopic and prejudicial. When it comes to sex, based on the man’s analogies, his wife is selfish and self centered.
And funny enough, he’s been actively enabling that narcissism for years, something he ought to had nipped in the mud since their dating phase.
What’s bad is bad, there’s no way around it. Dental dams?! no, so in the name of pleasing a stubborn, uncompromising, stupid and selfish woman, he should suffocate or choke to death?!
why didn’t you advise the woman be reasonable and logical?!
The wife ought to be the one to advise the man against going down on her initially. Failure to do so on her part, shows she’s critically dumb, selfish, and emphatically wicked.
Yes, wicked, because the fact that eating a woman’s pussy makes the man doing the eating, much more predisposed to oral, throat cancer, isn’t merely ideational. It has been proven to be real.
Okay but did you find the consistent evidence that says that the risk is only there for those going down in multiple partners? If your partner is vaccinated against HPV and you are doing that only on her then the risk is literally zero. Not everything on the internet is fact. Oral sex doesn’t cause oral cancer. It increases risk in some people
It’s obvious that your needs that to have a sexual satisfaction. In the absence of you doing it, you will have to find a solution in other ways to please her need. Someone suggested sex toys. Get one and use it. There were other suggestions above.
If you put food into a brand new chamber pot, how many people will eat from it? Think about it.
Pls just get her to go for HPV vaccine. She should also go for regular PaP smears. If she doesn’t have multiple partners and yoi don’t have any other partners there s no problem
When the good Lord created the human body, he created inlets and outlets to it. Inlets for food and fluids and outlets for human wastes. So why do you want to put your precious mouth into a channel created for someone’s waste blood? Why? If it’s not throat ca, you’ll get something else.
I suggest you both sit and deliberate on your sex life insightfully, the pleasures and the buries. You can further seek for an advice from health experts.
Please, don’t backpedal. Don’t reverse your decision to quit giving cunilingus to her.
Do enlighten her the more. Infact, try lure her to medical officers, so they could speak to her directly.
If she remains adamant, and fulfilling your sexual needs is at the top of your priorities, make her aware you would take another wife. The idea won’t be to seek her consent, the aim would be to just get her notified, since she’s chosen to be perpetually unreasonable.
I’ll encourage taking a second wife than telling you to cheat. The ball would cease to be in her court once she remains recalcitrant, shallow and narcissistic.