I remember the day he proposed to me. It was my birthday in July 2015. Our relationship was two years old at the time. Although we had been together all this while, marriage was the last thing on my mind. That’s why I was held spellbound when he went down on his knees and popped the question. I should have shrieked in surprise and excitement, followed by a joyful tearful “OMG Yes!” It would have been the perfect proposal and engagement scene.

However, I was raised by my aunts because of a broken home. That gave me the impression that marriage was not necessarily a good thing. I made a decision long ago that I wouldn’t rush into marriage. I wanted to spend as much time enjoying my singlehood before I took that big leap. For this reason, I panicked at the words, “Will you marry me?” The first thing that came out of my mouth was, “Are you sure you are ready for this kind of commitment?” He nodded frantically and said yes.

Still, I asked for a few days to think about it. As he waited for my response I asked him, “How prepared are you to be a husband?” He answered, “I don’t know much about being a husband but I know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. All I want is to be the man who makes you happy. I promise you won’t regret it if you marry me.”

In 2016, we said our wedding vows in front of our family and friends at one of the branches of Action Chapel. Everybody was happy for us. Prayers were said and the well wishes flowed like a fountain. You would think that our marriage would be full of laughter and peace.

After all the ceremonies were over, Patrick and I went to visit his parents to thank them for all their help. That very day his father advised us, “You are still very young so there’s no need for you to start having kids now. Take your time, if not your children will be sicklers.” It didn’t make sense, considering that my husband and I both had the AA genotype. That was when I realized that I had married into a nosy family. Why would you tell a young couple how to plan their family when they haven’t asked for your advice?

God was faithful. It took me less than a month to get pregnant. After delivery, Patrick and I agreed on the name we would give our child. Out of nowhere, his mother and father came with their own names for the baby. They were divorced so the names were different. We couldn’t pick one person’s choice and leave the other. So we rejected both names and stuck to ours. My father-in-law couldn’t handle it. “You won’t last in this marriage, he told me.”

It was when I got pregnant with our second child that the cracks in our marriage began to manifest. My husband started seeing other women. I knew because he didn’t hide it. It started when he first suggested we have a threesome. “Our sex life has become boring. Let’s spice things up a little,” he proposed. I was outraged that he would suggest such a thing.

“We are Christian, have you forgotten? What is that you are looking for that you are here suggesting we commit adultery together?” I asked him. He wanted to have fun. I didn’t agree to do it so he went out and started doing things on his own. He didn’t bother to cover his tracks. It was as if he was rubbing his promiscuity in my face. Before I knew it, he had slept with four women.

Every time I complained about his cheating he responded, “I feel good when you complain about my cheating. It just gives me the urge to do more.” Wow! I felt so stupid at that moment. In 2020, I delivered my second child. He sent us to my mum to help me care of the second child.

After a month, I begged him to come and pick us up so we would come home but we refused. I had to talk to his friends to beg him on our behalf. The day he came for us was the day I would say our marriage fell apart.

During the lockdown, he used his special ID card to leave the house all the time. He never stayed home for once. He was always going out to visit his side chicks.

At a point, I stopped complaining but I didn’t stop praying. He came home one dawn and told me he was done with the marriage. That day was our fourth anniversary. “I found a new girl and I am so much in love with her. Her name is Alice.” I thought it was a joke but he never dropped the punchline. What didn’t I say or do to change his mind?

My second child was five months old when this happened. Depression set in. I begged him. I spoke to his parents to plead on my behalf but all they said was, “Leave him alone.” I was scared to end up single and alone. I never planned that I would become a single mother. I presented all this to Patrick but his mind was made up.

When we got separated, my mum took my kids. “Go and live your life,” she encouraged, “I will take care of your children for you until you are better.” I tried to move on but I realized my kids were the source of my strength, so I went back for them.

I am a nurse by profession. I always had plans of furthering my education so I took advantage of the opportunity and went back to school. My first divorce notice was served to me while I was on campus. I wept like a baby that day. The reason he stated for the divorce was “Lack of communication.” That gave me the strength to walk away with my chest out.

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I knew I wasn’t the reason for our lack of communication. Which means I never wronged him in any way. He even told people who knew us that I threatened him with a knife. I also heard rumours that I was planning to poison his food. None of it was true. He simply didn’t have any reason to divorce me so he had to make up stories to make himself look like a victim.

I’m here today with no regrets that our marriage didn’t work out. I haven’t regretted letting him go though the divorce hadn’t been easy. There are a lot of occasions when I get home stressed, lonely, and need someone to talk to. Those times make me miss him but I comfort myself with my children.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

Now, I pray to build healthy friendships and form strong relationships to reduce loneliness. Regardless of everything I have been through, I am proud of the woman I have become today. I am just sharing my story to inspire others who were in my shoes to make the best out of it and live their lives.

Never think or feel you can’t live without anyone. Your life is not tied around anyone. Think about your mental health and pray love finds you again as I am praying for mine.

—Obasima

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