Jonas and I never had a perfect love story. Yes, I know that no relationship is perfect but I believe what we had shouldn’t have existed at all. We had very little in common. We never saw eye to eye on anything. All we did was fight and break up.

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For some reason, I thought the fact that we always found our way back to each other meant we belonged together. This is why after five years of breakups and make-ups, I agreed to marry him.

I should have known that the universe was warning me to stay away from him when our families refused to let us get married. Our wedding date was changed three times because of this.

Despite the obstacles, we pushed through and got married. I thought the fact that we finally said, “I do,” meant we had won.

“Now that I am his wife, things will be better. There will be no more fights and break ups,” I thought.

I was so wrong. Everything that happened when we were dating got worse in the marriage. He would get angry if I wore artificial nails, makeup, and short dresses. Yet, he cheated on me with women who wore those things. He brought them to our matrimonial home whenever I wasn’t around.

If I found out and talked, he would either insult me or beat me up.

I knew I should have walked away but I felt ashamed of myself. After all, I saw the signs when we were dating but I was so in love that I believed he would change. Our families didn’t want us to marry and that too was enough to be a sign. The fact that I chose him despite all of it made me believe that I deserved whatever I was facing in the marriage. That is why I chose to stay and endure him.

My father is not alive. So it was my elder brother who stood in for the marriage. When things started going bad, I confided in him. He refused to interfere. As for my mother, she told me; “You know we don’t have anyone. So try and do things not to annoy him, so that you can get something for yourself before leaving the marriage.”

Somewhere in 2020, he left home for a funeral in the Volta Region. We weren’t speaking then, so he prepared his own meals before leaving. I also went to visit my sister who lived nearby.

By the time I returned home in the evening, he was back. He didn’t even let me settle in. He followed me into the bedroom and started complaining about my outfit.

“Where did you go wearing that? Didn’t I tell you how I want you to dress as my wife?”

I was wearing biker shorts, nothing sexy or revealing. Just shorts with a shirt. Yet he was ready to start a fight because of it.

I knew he just wanted my trouble so I kept quiet.

The next thing I knew, this man was asking me about some chicken he left in the freezer. I didn’t even know there was meat in there.

“You stole it right? You stole my chicken for your sister.”

Yes, there were times I helped my sister out with food from the house. But even with that, I always asked for his permission first.

No matter how many times I told him, “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he wouldn’t listen. As far as he was concerned I was guilty. We both knew his accusations weren’t true but the man wanted a fight so he was going to get one by all means.

He brought out a Bible and screamed, “Swear you didn’t take it.”

“A Bible won’t be fast enough. Let’s do it the ancestors’ way,” I retorted.

Then I took an egg and swore with it. That night he threw me out his house. He didn’t let me take anything. I left there with the clothes I wore and the slippers on my feet.

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I reported him to DOVVSU but nothing came of it. For two years, he held onto my things. I only got them back after his girlfriend started asking questions about the stuff. He lied to her that he was divorced, and then returned my stuff to me as proof.

June 13 will mark five years since we separated. And yet, he refuses to file for divorce. Meanwhile, he has been living with his girlfriend and building a life with her all this time.

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

I feel stuck. I want to be free from anything that binds me to him but I can’t afford a lawyer right now.

I don’t want anything from him. Not his money. Not an apology. Just the divorce. Just my freedom.

If there’s any lawyer out here willing to help me or guide me get this one thing, I would be forever grateful.

— Sally

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