My mother abandoned our family when I was ten. My dad was working as an agriculture officer at Kpando at the time. So he had to combine work and taking care of five children all by himself. He did the best he could, given the circumstances. And although we missed our mother, we were happy to have him.
Unfortunately, my dad started having kids a little late in life. He went on retirement just at the time I completed JHS. I also happen to be his firstborn. He couldn’t have afforded to see me through secondary school and take care of my younger siblings’ education at the same time. I believed the best thing to do for my family was to take myself out of the equation. That way, my poor old father would have one less mouth to feed.
I had heard stories of people going to Accra in search of greener pastures. And whenever they returned to Kpando, they looked good and rich. “Me too I will go to Accra in search of a better life,” I planned. I didn’t tell anyone about my decision. I just quietly snuck out at dawn when the village cock had not yet crowed.
I got to Accra and realized life in the city is not a bed of rose petals. There were no jobs waiting for me like I had hoped. I felt like giving up and going back home, but I knew I would be going back to nothing. So I strived through the difficulties. Through my struggles, I got a job as a house help. It was no easy work, but at least, I had a roof over my head. I had access to three square meals. And I could save my salary to put myself through vocational school. It was a good opportunity until I found out the reason my boss hired me is so he could use me for rituals.
I ran for my life. But somehow I ended up getting sick for over a year. No hospital treatment worked. All the tests we ran said I was fine, even though I was dying. Thankfully, I met one of my relatives who took me to the Achimota forest to pray for me. That is where I received my healing.
I still wanted to go to vocational school, so I got a job as a cleaner. The money was not much but I managed to save something at the end of the month. When I got enough money to pay for admission fees, I enrolled in a school around East Legon to study catering and hospitality management. By then I was living with my relative and her husband at Baatsona.
While in school, I worked as a cleaner, and occasionally at a construction site so I could get money for transportation and other school expenses. On days I don’t get work to do, I would walk to school. So one day, one of my cousins complained, “Instead of struggling so hard to work and school, why don’t you get yourself a man? If you have a boyfriend, he would support you on days you are financially down. It will make like easier for you.” I was very young and impressionable. I was also tired of enduring hardships. If there was an easy way out, I was willing to try it.
My cousin told me she had the perfect man for me. “He doesn’t live in Accra so you don’t have to see him all the time. You will get the help you need for school and the time you need to learn. Give him a try.” I agreed for her to introduce me to this perfect man she has for me. Elikem lives in the Volta region so I did not get to meet him before I agreed to be his girlfriend.
True to what my cousin said, he made my burden lighter. He was of great help to my education. In return for his kindness, I would meet him once in a while and give him a pound of flesh. I knew what I was doing was wrong, especially after he told me he had a wife. But I felt I had to commit a necessary evil to get to where I wanted to go.
Later in our relationship, I discovered that Elikem lied about having a wife. What he had was four wives and fourteen children. Unfortunately, this revelation came at a time when I had already fallen in love with him. I was not planning on becoming another one of his wives. However, I wanted to continue to ride on his benevolence till I finished school.
l was in my final year at school when my relative’s husband recommended me to a woman who was an assistant manager at GCB. The woman promised to help me enroll in Accra Polytechnic, provided I move into her house. It was another opportunity to better my life, so I took it. I went to live with the woman before l completed school.
Just when I moved in with her, I found out that I was pregnant. I decided that I would get rid of it, so I didn’t tell anyone, not even Elikem. So I was surprised when Elikem called me and randomly asked if I was pregnant. “No, I am not. Where is this coming from?” I asked. He said, “I dreamt you were pregnant. You tried to get rid of it and you died. That’s what happens when someone tries to abort a pregnancy that belongs to my family. The person dies.” I told him it was just a dream.
However, he kept having the same dream about me, so after the fifth dream, I admitted the truth. I asked him to help me get rid of it so I could further my education but he refused. He said if I tried it, I wouldn’t live. “I have money to take care of you and the child so what’s your problem? I will marry you.” I knew he would but I didn’t want it. I wasn’t ready to be a mother or a wife but I didn’t have much of a choice.
I couldn’t tell my madam that I was pregnant. I felt I would disappoint her. So I told her I was going to visit my father in the village. When I left I never returned. She called several times and begged me to come back but I couldn’t do it. Elikem came to perform my knocking rites and I moved in with him. It was a family house. He had two of his wives and ten of his children living with him over there. His brothers and sister also lived in the house. I was an addition nobody was happy about.
Elikem started showing me his true colors in my fifth month. He just woke up one day and started maltreating me. It was as if my presence irritated him. He didn’t care if I ate or if I was sick. In my seventh month of pregnancy, Elikem stopped sleeping in my bed. He would go out and return the next day. When I complain, he would beat me and degrade me in front of everyone. When I finally delivered, he didn’t come to the hospital. It was his brother who came to pay the bills and took us home.
My baby will be one year old in July of this year. However, Elikem has not touched either me or his son since we came home from the hospital. My rivals see this and they mock me. They go about telling people that our husband does not sleep with me. And neither does he eat my food. They also talk about the fact that he has never touched our baby. I have not experienced happiness since I moved in with Elikem. I cry myself to sleep every day.
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He says he wants to leave me and marry his new girlfriend. He rented an apartment for the girl. Meanwhile, I don’t even have a fan in my room. When the weather gets hot, I constantly wipe his son with a wet towel to keep him from crying. I am only twenty-two, but I look twice my age due to depression.
At this point, I have had enough. I am not a lazy person, so I will not waste away in this man’s house. I want to take my son and go into the world and hustle. I am not new to hardship so that’s not my problem. My problem is, I have never had to do it with a child. What will life out there be like for me and the baby? Just like in the past, my goal is to save money and further my education. Some people may insult me for the choices I made, but that’s okay. I just need some words of encouragement. l need someone to tell me that everything will be alright.
—Shirley
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Everything will be OK with the help of God. Dedicate all that you do into his hands. Plan what you have to first. You can even send the child to your father once you have a place to lay head then go for him. Please don’t sell your self to any man. He that God has sent to help you won’t demand anything of you. Ask God for a good helper. He will give it to you only if you believe in him. You started on the wrong foot but you can end on the right foot if you do things right . Never give up. Divorce that husband of yours. He is an abuser. You were not supposed to marry him the moment you found out he was married to 4 women and even had 14 kids. He does not even take care of his other kids how much more yours. He is a wicked person . He saw that you had no one to guide you so he fed on you. You kraa you are the cause of your own problems. If you had stayed at your father’s house all this won’t before you. Any way it’s never too late. Once you have realised your wrongs, you work to correct them. You are good to go. Never commit this stupidity again. If any man comes with astronomers promises don’t believe him. He will impregnate you and leave you to suffer. Be wise like a snake.
You can do it
Just leave the house with your child and things will work out for you
Just dedicate yourself to the Lord and it shall be well
It is well dear. The harm is already done but if l may ask can you contact the woman who works with GCB and discuss with her if she can still employ you back? If she can go back to your father and apologise to him just as you’ve been advised so far and inform him about your next move ok. I believe he will help you take care of your child whiles you go get something to do to better your life and that of the baby. Above all pray and ask God to forgive you and to show you mercy and open doors for you. Insha Allah he will answer you. Do this as quickly as you can before things get out of hand please
My dear you have a home in your father’s house so why do you want to stay at a place you are not wanted or even respected? Go back to your father’s house he might get angry with you but he will definitely forgive you.
Maammeafua you are soo full of wisdom
I always read your comments and always touching
Sister, quickly pack your stuffs and go back to your father’s house. Pls, do that before this month ends. Remember the prodigal son right? Your dad can only get angry at you. At worst, shout and not talk to you for days/weeks but that’s all he can do.
At your age, 22, you can’t be blamed much. But you gotten to know of four wives and fourteen children and still kept going to him was your downfall. I’m sure he didn’t even marry any of the 4 wives. Pregnancy and knocking brought all of them there.
Pls, pack your things fast and move out. It’s not married for you to even think about divorce.
Best of luck.
My Dear please go home and your Papa will welcome you no matter how bad he feels about you,God will open better doors for you as you leave Elikem’s compound,and your life will never be the same.
First of àll why did you accepted him to do the knocking wen you truly knew he was having numerous wives, and secondary dear pack all ur belongings and returned home to your father he will accepted you no matter what u did don’t waste ur time and become a mockery
Your story is sad but don’t give up. Pick yourself up from where you fell and move on