I was on Facebook minding my business when Kwadjo sent me a friend request. I accepted it and he came into my inbox to introduce himself. I checked out his profile first and I liked what I saw. So we chatted on Messenger for a while. The conversations we had were fun and engaging. He was always polite when we spoke. I found that very sweet and heartwarming. I didn’t get the kind of vibe I often got from other guys on the app that creeped me out.

Soon enough, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. We moved our chats to WhatsApp after that. I felt so connected to him in a way I haven’t felt with anyone in the past three years since my ex and I broke up. I felt that after three years, I could love again. So I opened my heart to the possibility that there could be something between me and Kwadjo.

Things between us progressed beautifully. He would call me several times a day just to tell me how his day was going. When he is done, he would ask; “What about you? How are things going at your end?” I would also give him details about my day. It was nice. I hadn’t had that kind of interaction with anyone in such a long time so I enjoyed it.

He handled me the way I like to be handled by my man so I easily fell in love with him. Truth be told, I fell faster than the speed of light. Well, at least when it comes to love. What I am saying is, within two weeks of the time we started talking I was in love with Kwadjo.

He hadn’t made any declaration of love or said anything to make a commitment to me, but I was so into him that I wouldn’t give my attention to any other person. I felt I owed him a form of commitment. I know it sounds crazy but I am a one-man kind of girl. Once I start having feelings for a man, I give my all to him.

We talked about our past. I didn’t hold anything back when he asked about my exes. I presumed he also told me everything about his past. Everything was out in the open and we were ready to take the next step. While we were yet to meet in person, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was so happy that I said yes without missing a beat.

He was also happy that I accepted him. So he asked that we go on our first date. On the day of the date, everything fell into place. He was exactly what he looked like in his photos. And being with him felt so good. I couldn’t stop smiling until he shared a piece of information that dampened my mood. He said, “You know, I just got out of a relationship just a month ago. So I am happy I have met you so soon.” That was not the impression he gave me all this while we were talking so I was hurt.

I asked him, “You told me about all your exes except this particular one. What is so special about her that you kept her hidden until this moment? Are you still in love with her?” He shook his head, “No, I am over her. You are the one I am in love with.” I wanted to believe him but my intuition told me he still loved that girl. It even occurred to me that they could still be dating and that he didn’t love me at all.

Unsurprisingly, he didn’t call me the day after our date. I also didn’t call him. I wanted to let things play out. Two days after that, he called me and said, “I feel like we rushed into the relationship. We still don’t know much about each other. So I have decided we should slow things down and just be friends.” I didn’t say anything. I just hung up. How do you break up with someone just a week after proposing to them? To avoid unnecessary drama, I blocked him everywhere.

After two weeks, I unblocked him. By then I had dealt with my disappointment and I felt ready to talk to him again. Just a few minutes after I unblocked him, his calls came through. All he wanted to talk about was our friendship. I still liked him so I had hope that if I give him more time to get to know me he would change his mind about the breakup.

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As time went on, I realized he was behaving like a boyfriend. However, he insisted we were friends. I hated the mixed signals but I put up with it. He would say, “I miss you. Can we meet and talk?” I would agree to meet him but he would later make excuses and cancel. I even invited him out on a date but he turned me down.

All that aside, he started insulting me in playful ways. He said he was joking with me but the words were still hurtful. When I complained he responded, “Why are you so serious all the time? Learn to take a joke.” It got to a point where I couldn’t take the insults and all the confusing vibes anymore. It messed with my head in a way that made me question my sanity.

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So I sent him a message telling him about how he is toying with my emotions. And that he should stop insulting me, and stop acting like a boyfriend when all he wants is to be friends. It’s been three weeks since I sent the text but he hasn’t replied to it yet. I am not mad. I am just disappointed that allowed loneliness lead me into such a chaotic situation.

I am trying to move on and be more attentive in my future interactions with men. So I would like some advice so I don’t fall into the same situation again. I want to know what I did wrong with Kwadwo so that I don’t repeat it.

—Lucy

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