We dated for one year before I married her. Throughout this period, all was well with us. She did not show me any negative traits. She was a perfect woman, no lies. Everything about her made me happy. I told myself, “I am going to marry this woman. She is everything I want in a woman.” It did not bother me that she had a son. I did not have any child of my own but I loved this woman so much that I accepted her child as my own.
I promised to do everything possible to take good care of her and our son. Although I was not financially stable, I found ways to bring money home. I even became a farmer. It was no easy feat. I worked tirelessly until it was harvest season. I asked her to take charge of the harvest and decide on the sales.
Unfortunately, my woman had no idea how to manage the harvest. I tried to encourage her to do her part to help but each time she told me, “You are the man. It’s your responsibility to provide for the family. So leave me out of it.” It wasn’t a pleasant thing to hear but I was not angry. I continued to take care of her.
As time passed, we added another child. She is a girl. I was happy that my biological child was part of our family. There was peace in the family. There were no bad days but things changed when my wife visited her ex-husband at his home.
After she returned from that visit, she changed completely. She became rude to me. I would ask her a question and her answer would sound like an insult. All of a sudden, she started behaving as if I was not man enough for her. When she did something wrong and I tried to correct her, she would dismiss me.
A time came when we experienced a dry spell during a farming season. This prompted me to find something else to do. I had to move from our neighborhood to a different place in search of work. Fortunately, a company employed me. I did not earn much but everything I got went into providing for the family.
I tried to involve my wife in the financial management of the house but she was not interested. She believed it was not her place to provide or contribute in any way to the provision of the home. Meanwhile, she was unsatisfied with whatever I was bringing home.
One day someone told me, “Be careful with your wife. She is out there giving her body to other men.” There was no proof of what they were saying so I ignored all of them. One day she came home late. When I complained, she became angry. “Why are you being unreasonably jealous?” she accused me.
As time went on, she did not change. She became worse. She could leave the house for weeks. People would report to me that she was parading around with her ex-husband and other rich men. I even heard she was joining groups of prostitutes in drinking bars to work. I heard all this but what proof did I have? Besides, she denied everything.
I became so stressed to the extent that my head stopped functioning properly. Due to these challenges, I fell off the bicycle when I was riding to my workplace one day. I was injured on my knee. I could not walk or carry out my duties at work properly. Because of this, my contract at work was terminated for incapacitation.
When this happened, things at home got worse. My wife ran away. She went to her father’s house. All attempts to bring her back home failed. Her parents were not happy with her decision but she wouldn’t listen to them. They would call me and say, “We are sorry for our daughter’s behavior. We are trying to reason with her but she gets angry at us every time.” They complained that she was having sexual relations with several men and boys in their teens.
A year after she left, my wife called me and said, “I am sorry for the way I have behaved toward you. I don’t know what came over me. Please, forgive me so I can come back home.” I was confused. I did not expect her to ever come back to me. So the fact that she was now ready to come back really threw me off. “Give me time to think about it,” I said.
When her mother realized that she had started calling me and begging for a reunion, she called me. The first thing she said to me was, “You are like a son to me. And we all know that my daughter was the problem in your marriage. I know she wants you to take her back. Please before you do, you should know that she is on ARV. Whatever you do with this information is up to you.”
What Would You Do Differently For Them?
I cannot lie. I was heartbroken. The first thing I did was to go to the hospital for a test. Thankfully, I was negative. I did not believe the results so I got tested again. I was still negative. I still did not believe it. To accept that she did not infect me, I kept getting tested every three months for an entire year. Each time the results reads negative.
While all this is going on, my wife is still in the shadows. She has been calling me night and day. She begs for my forgiveness when she calls. She wants us to get back together. After everything she has done, I don’t know what to do with her. Please, I need your advice. Should I allow her to come back home?
–Jailos
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#SB
What a story.
It really is up to you my brother. You can decide to forgive her, which is good. But forgiving her shouldn’t mean you shouldn’t use your head. For example, is she coming back as your wife? Is she really still your wife? And if she is coming back, do you still intend to keep having sexual relations together?
Or is she coming back as a housemate? And even at that, what conditions would it be under? Would it be like before when she wasn’t contributing to the family?
All these and more are what you should ask yourself. Then, you make up your mind.
You can always ask God for direction in all of this. Let Him lead you on the best decisions to take.
I wish you all the best
She belongs to the streets. Leave her there to die like a dog and begin to clean her name off your family heritage going forward. Though you are poor, when she returns you have to contribute to her out of pocket expenses when she attends hospital and other antibiotics in case she gets infection I’d her medication fails. Plus and sexual intercourse with her brings with a risk of HIV infection for you. You can inform her you have forgiven her whole heartedly but you must protect yourself inorder to live long to take good care of the children. It is what it is.
The only advice you need, Jailos, is what your mother-in-law gave you. “You have all the information you need, what you do with it, is your decision alone,” since you are obviously still in love with her. Pray for God’s guidance and help. Good luck, brother
Jailos you are a fish if you go back to that a slut of a wife , she came back because none of her lovers will accept her because she got infected . She knows you will be foolish enough to take her back .
Someone left you as the husband and now has HIV/AIDS, and you are asking whether to take her back? Please take her back wai
Since you still seems to be love struck by her, get infected as well so you both can be on the same page and continue life. Since you never mentioned your kids and their well-being. What influence will a mother like her have on her children especially your girl child. Anyway since you are an emotional man let your emotions decide for you. Your wife left you, went to sleep around contracted HIV and is asking for a come back. Her own mother disclosed her status to you not even her and you are not concerned about her motives but rather your feelings. You are not serious
It appears you don’t really know what you want and you make emotional decisions. This thing you call marriage broke the day she visited her ex husband. She now wants you to be the bearer of a shameful disease and now you are still contemplating taking her back. Ma guy, are you ok?
White knights will always see dust! A woman disrespects you, is a known prostitute, left you for her ex-husband, slept with multiple men until the whole village knew, now she has HIV/AIDS!!!! She now wants you back! Are you a rehab for prostitutes?! Bro, get a life and move on. Your ‘saviour’ mentality will ruin you. Please, MAN UP! Have some respect for yourself and your ancestors.