We started having problems in our marriage the very first day we got married. Our first fight happened when we returned from our honeymoon. We had a lot of things to do in the house but he told me he had to go and see his friends for some important discussion. This guy didn’t come back home until around 12am. He came home and he was smelling of akpeteshie.

I started asking him questions but you know, you can’t reason with a drunk mind so I allowed him to sleep. The next day he was sober. I started asking him questions about where he went and why he returned home in that state. He didn’t have anything meaningful to say apart from, “You know when guys meet we do things. It’s one of those things.” Of course, I wasn’t going to accept that explanation so I kept bombarding him with questions until he got angry.

He said a lot of things; “I’m married doesn’t mean I can’t chill with my friends. Let me tell you, I’m not going to be on a leash so you pull me along wherever you go. I had friends before marriage so you can’t come and pretend that it’s new to you.” All I said was, “You’re married. Know where you’ll drink and how you’ll drink. How can you come home looking messy and expect me to keep quiet?”

One day, he did it again and I complained again. He hit me. I forgave him because I knew he was drunk. He did it again at another time when he hadn’t drunk anything. What happened—yeah it was about a girl. He came home drunk one night and a girl was calling his phone all night. Each time I picked the call, she will say hello. Immediately I respond, she’ll cut the call. Later she sent a message, “I know you’ve intentionally given the phone to your wife but remember that tomorrow is another day.”

The next morning, I asked her about the girl and the argument turned into, “Why did you pick my call and why did you talk to someone who called my phone?” I tried to explain but he wouldn’t listen to any word from me so I screamed, “Listen to me…” All I heard was bam, a hit on my lips. He screamed, “You won’t scream at me. I’m not your small boy.”

The marriage persisted for a year but nothing changed. At some point, he left home in the morning and didn’t come back until late in the night. I was pregnant. I needed someone around me but I was always home alone so I brought my sister to come and live with me. She had completed SHS and was home doing nothing. When she came, my husband had issues with her. He didn’t want her around. One day, If I didn’t stand on my feet, he would have thrown my sister out. Everything happened right in front of my sister. She was traumatized and even told me that she would like to leave. I pleaded with her to stay and she did.

From that point on, our marriage got worse. There was not a single day that we didn’t fight. I was scared of him. When I was alone with him, I couldn’t say a word to him. I was living in fear but all he did was make the problem worse. Every word that came from his mouth was an order. At some point, I told myself, “I’m done. I deserve happiness and I will only work to get that happiness back.”

When my time was due, I packed my things and told him I was going to my parents’ place to deliver. He didn’t say a word. I left with my sister. I gave birth a few weeks later and he never came around to see me. When I called him he said, “Won’t you come back home? If you really wanted me to see our kid, you would have given birth here.” That day, I told him to look for a new wife because I wasn’t coming back again and I meant it.

Our child was almost two months old when he came home with some friends to visit us. He didn’t say a word to me and I didn’t mind him. My mom didn’t want to see his face. It was only my dad who attended to him. I had already started the divorce process. A year and a half later, we were completely divorced. Our marriage lasted for only three and half years.

I was there one day when an old neighbor called me. She asked, “Are you guys planning to come back together again?” Her question surprised me. I asked her, “Why do you ask?” She said, “I’ve been seeing your sister and your ex-husband a lot lately. I even told her to greet you for me the last time. She didn’t tell you?” I was confused but I played it cool. I said, “That’s not the issue. We are not coming back together but I will ask my sister why she had been coming there.”

Then she said, “Please don’t ask her. If you don’t know anything about her visit then it’s suspicious because she has been coming here a lot.” I said, “Are you sure about what you’re saying? She said, “You mean I don’t know your sister again?” I kept quiet about it until one late evening old neighbor called me again. She said, “Your sister just entered your ex’s house. I don’t know how you’ll verify but she’s here.” I called my sister. I asked her whereabouts and she said she was in school. I asked, “So if I come to your school right now, I will see you?” She said, “Yes, I’m on campus.”

I called the neighbor and told her what my sister said. I told her, “Please monitor her and see when she will leave the place.” The next morning, she called to tell me that my sister slept over. “She didn’t come out. She’s still there as we speak.” I called my sister. I said, “Give the phone to Robert let me talk to him.” She said, “Who said I’m with Robert. I’m on campus.” She said it with fear in her voice. She was shocked. That day when she was leaving the house, my neighbor crossed her and told her, “I told your sister about your visit. If you’re doing this to her then you’re worthy to be called a sister.”

I told my parents about it and they called her home. She couldn’t deny it. All she said was, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what I was doing with him.” She’s 21 and a very clever student but she didn’t know what she was doing with my ex-husband. I was the one paying her fees. My parents were sending her everything to the point that I said they were spoiling her. I didn’t know what Robert was doing for her that made her follow him. I felt very disgusted and didn’t want to see her again.

I told her, “If you want him that much then go ahead and marry him but let him pay your fees too.” I’ve stopped paying and I’ve stopped talking to her. I’ve even blocked her line. In my heart and soul, she has ceased to be my sister and I swear nothing can change that.

This girl was with me when Robert was abusing me. She was the one who told me to run away long before I even had the courage to think about divorce. If anything, she should hate Robert just as much as I do. Why would she turn back and date him? It’s been five months now. My parents have softened their stands with her but not me. If she can do that to me, then she can form an alliance with my enemy and bring me down. I won’t wait for that moment. I will rather disassociate myself from her before she hurts me any further.

She’s no longer my sister. Ends.

–Alicia 

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