I have not been with any other man since I met Cheelo. That’s why I’m confused as to how I contracted the virus. We dated for two years before we got married. During this period I asked him to go to the hospital with me to get tested. He declined with the reason that he had already been tested and he was clean.

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“If you won’t take my word for it, I will show you proof.”

Truly, he sent me a document that said he tested negative for HIV. I took that as evidence that he was telling the truth. And carried on with the relationship.

He was forty-five at the time we met yet he swore he had never been married. As always, I believed him. I didn’t think he should have any reason to lie to me.

For over two years, I took my time getting to know him. At least, I was sure he was honest about who he was. This man always showed up whenever I needed him. The only thing he couldn’t give to me no matter how many times I asked him was introducing me to his family. He always told me, “Don’t worry, you will meet my family when the time is right.”

The time was never right. Even when he was coming to pay my bride price, he didn’t bring anyone from his family. He told my parents some stories and they also believed him.

After we became husband and wife, we moved in together but nobody from his family ever visited us. All the times I asked him, “When are we going to visit your family?” His mood changed. Sometimes he got angry and called me all sorts of names.

Eventually, I learned to stop asking questions for the sake of peace. Maybe the problem is that I was young and naïve while he had gathered so much experience in life. I always feared offending him. So I chose to swallow everything he fed me. It made things easier.

Three years into the marriage, I tested positive for HIV. When I broke the news to him he wasn’t surprised. I asked him, “Do you know how I got it? Because I am confused. You are the only man I have been with.”

He shrugged as he answered, “How am I supposed to know how you got it? All I can say is, if you have it then I also do.”

He promised to take good care of me. He assured me I wouldn’t be alone. He said he would hold my hand through whatever difficulty that may come. “In sickness and in health, my love still remains,” he vowed.

I wish I hadn’t believed anything he said back then and ever. He has changed so much that I don’t recognize the man I married in him anymore. He has a series of women he spends his time with now. Sometimes he gives them my number to call and insult me.

When I confronted him, he beat me up and screamed, “Pack your things and leave my house.”

Everything he does now shows he doesn’t love me anymore. He has stopped providing for the house. He forbade me from working when we got married and now I have no money of my own. He gets paid well but he watches me starve.

Yesterday I caught him red-handed with one of his girlfriends. He was not one bit remorseful. He told me to do whatever I want. “If you like, leave me. I don’t care. Take me to court even, that’s your problem.”

He says he has every right to do what he wants but I don’t agree. He hasn’t confirmed his current status to me but I know he could be infected. Considering that I have never seen him take any medication, it means he is capable of spreading the virus if he has it.

I don’t think that it’s fair that he is going about having indiscriminate sexual contact with unsuspecting young women. I don’t know anyone in his life to report him to. At least, someone from his family would have advised him to do the right thing.

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I have been digging around in a quest to find them but I don’t have any leads. I am only hearing rumours that my husband doesn’t want me to meet his people because he has another wife.

I don’t know if this rumor is true but it explains a lot of things. I wish I could confirm it but I don’t have access to his phone. He guards it like it’s Zambia’s national treasure. He always stuffs it somewhere when we are going to bed.

I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It

I feel like I have walked into a situation I don’t fully understand. I’m currently twenty-six so imagine how young I was when I met him. At that age, I thought I knew what I was doing but I now know I didn’t.

When I look at how much of my youth I have given him, my heart bleeds. I don’t even know where to go from here. The sad part is that, if he was willing to change I would have some hope that things would work out. I love him that much. I am not sure what I should do.

— Zed

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