I am a twenty-six-year-old woman. I wouldn’t describe myself as ugly. At least, that’s not what my mirror tells me. I look well. I dress well. I speak well. My friends have told me I have a pleasant personality. Per what I was taught growing up, I am the kind of woman a man would want to marry.

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Yet I have never been approached by a man in my entire life. I am not trying to say that no man has ever asked to marry me. No, that’s too far a reach. There are things almost every woman I know has heard so many times from men but I have never heard them.

“I like you.”

“I have a crush on you.”

“I want to get to know you.”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“I want to marry you.”

Not even, “Can we be friends?”

The only men in my life are the men I am related to. I have never had a man try or ask me to be their friend. They don’t talk to me. They don’t see me. This may sound crazy but I am convinced I am invisible to men.

Needless to say, I have never been in a relationship because of these experiences, or better put, lack of experiences with men.

Growing up, I never thought this would be my life. I always thought I would even marry young. That’s the interpretation I gave some dreams I had when I was a child.

I can’t recall all the details of the dreams but I know I had the same dream three times. Each time, I was getting married. All three times. I thought it meant I would get married someday. But now I am beginning to think I was so wrong.

Another strange thing that has been happening to me for as long as I can remember is that I keep walking into cobwebs. It happens randomly. I could just be walking, and suddenly, I feel cobwebs on my face and body. Sometimes, I go for a while without experiencing it. But it always starts again.

I know people have spiritual meanings for cobwebs but I don’t have any. I wish I could get some answers as to why I keep walking into cobwebs.

Apart from that, I am always getting sick. I have run all forms of medical tests. The results always come out clean. Doctors never find anything wrong with me. But my body rarely feels whole.

In my dreams, I sometimes see myself living a good life, but in reality, my life is a complete mess. I dream a lot, that much has been established. I just wish they weren’t so terrifying. I am either running from or fighting with strange things.

At one point, I even prayed never to dream again, and for a while, the dreams stopped. Nonetheless, they returned. And they are even more scarier.

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Lately, they’ve been about death. I see dead people; deceased loved ones, acquaintances, and people I barely knew. I also see coffins. I don’t know what it all means. I would be thankful to anyone who understands and interprets it to me. Maybe the knowledge will help me make sense of my life.

My life is just a series of troubles and disappointments. No matter how much I ask for help, I never receive it. Even when people promise to help, they never stick to their word.

I Never Paid Fees Again Until I Completed School

Everything that seems to work smoothly for others turns into a struggle for me. Whenever I try to do something my peers are succeeding at, it only brings me pain, financial loss, and endless difficulties.

I am barely surviving. I started school late because of these struggles. At my age, I am now in my fourth year, fighting hard to make it through. I am praying hard that I triumph. That’s why I need to understand if I am fighting a spiritual battle. So I can help myself before things get worse for me.

—Mary, Nigeria 

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