She was the only girl in class that day when I entered. I wasn’t sure if I had entered the right class so I asked her, “Is this the first-year business class?” She said, “Yes.” I picked a seat not too far from her and sat down. Twenty minutes later, we were still the only people in the class. I asked her, “Are you sure we are in the right classroom?” She said, “Yeah I think so. When you look at the timetable, this is where we are supposed to have the class.” We sat for another fifteen minutes and still no one joined us. She said, “We need to ask. It looks like something isn’t right.”

I walked out. Asked a lady I met in the corridor and she said, “Oh they changed the class. It’s rather happening upstairs.” I came back and told her what I heard. She laughed and I laughed. We both rushed to the upstairs class, sat next to each other on the only seats we found available. I asked her name and she said, Pamela. She asked my name too. Some ladies won’t ask but she did with a smile that said, “I’m also interested in you.”

We ended up becoming friends that day. We learned together and even formed a study group that we met every evening. As time went on, I realized how pretty and simple she was. She never promised anything that she didn’t deliver. She cooked and invited me over to her hall and we both ate together. Just when I thought of making a move, she told me, “You remember that senior I told you about the other day? The one I said he was preparing to become the SRC president? Yeah, he proposed to me the other day.”

Immediately she said that, I was overcome by jealousy. I told her, “Don’t mind him. These seniors are like that. They see the first-year students as a plaything. They make you fall in love, use you and after they had completed school, they forget about you. It’s all help-me-finish-my-course antics, don’t mind him. She said softly, “I think I like him too. He’s different. He’s well behaved and I love his dreams.”

Long story short, Pamela fell for that guy. He was at level three hundred and indeed campaigned to become the SRC president but he eventually lost. They dated but our friendship didn’t suffer. When we got to the second year, I also fell in love with a girl who was in the circle of friends to Pamela. I should say it was Pamela who even did the ‘connection’ for me.

We completed school and started our national service. I was posted to Akosombo and as fate would have it, Pamela was also posted to Akosombo. The places we worked were not far apart from each other. Work was tight but we always made time for each other.

My relationship with Pamela’s friend started having issues—issues of trust and long-distance. Pamela did her best to mend us but we didn’t work. The healthiest thing to do was to let each other go. While we were struggling to stay afloat, Pamela and her boyfriend were going strong and at some point started dreaming of marriage. I was happy for her but then things changed just when we were about to complete our national service. It isn’t clear how the whole thing started and Pamela wasn’t telling me everything until the whole thing came down. Surprisingly she didn’t break down. For all the years the two of them had dated, I thought the breakup will break her but she didn’t break down. She was rather angry and I could understand.

In September 2017, both of us had completed National service but still working at where we were posted to in Akosombo because we didn’t have anywhere else to go. We harbored the dream that they were going to eventually give us a permanent appointment so we hung around. The feelings I had for her were rekindled but I didn’t know how to go about it. She didn’t look like someone who will love to fall in love again so I allowed time to have its way. January 2018, I proposed to her. She laughed it off. “Come off it, James. You can’t be serious,” she said. I responded, “I mean it. I mean every word I’ve said.” She asked, “When did this start?” I said, “It started when we were in school. Just when I was about to make a move, that guy came in to halt my strides. I lost. But here we are, both single.”

She still didn’t believe me. She made excuses just to run from me. I was determined to get her so the harder she tried to stay away the harder I also tried to be closer. I’d lost her once and wasn’t ready to lose her again. One day she said, “You dated my friend, remember? What would she think about me? What would the world think about us? Everyone knows we are friends. How can we change that all of a sudden?” I said, “She’s your friend, not your sister. When was the last time you heard from her? She had moved on so we can’t let her ghost come between us.”

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I realized it was hard for her to accept my proposal. It had nothing to do with whether or not she liked me. The problem was the change—changing from friendship to a girlfriend-boyfriend(ship) was hard for her so I gave her space and time. It was in May 2018 when she gave a lousy answer to my proposal. Her response sounded like a yes that wasn’t actually a yes but a yes anyway. I took it like that and hung on to it.

No pressure. We took it a day at a time. Time has a way of softening stands and changing perceptions. Slowly, she let the inhibition go so she could totally commit to what we had. In November 2020 I told her, “Let’s get married. The year is almost ended. Let’s let it end but next year shouldn’t end without us getting married.” She smiled that infectious smile. She said, “Let’s see what God will do in our lives next year.”

June 2021—this is the year we talked about last year. God has been good to us. We’ve had our struggles. We’ve had our ups and downs as lovers but the strength of our friendship had kept us going. Our wedding is on the 26th June 2021. We are sure of our love so we are here to seal it in the presence of God. Everything about this makes us happy—our history, our struggles, our failed relationships. Everything had come together to bring us to this point where we can only say “I do” to each other.

Wish us luck but if you have any advice for a new couple, kindly give it to us. I will be reading the comments with her on our honeymoon.

–K. James  

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