During our first day at counselling, our counsellor told us to be open to each other and tell each other what we believe each other should know.
He said, “You’re about to enter into a spiritual partnership. Both of you are going to be one and one body can’t keep secrets from each other. This is a chance for you to let each other in on things.”
He gave us a checklist to go through. So when we got home, we sat down and went through the checklist. It had questions from our upbringing and the life we’ve lived and many other things including questions on abortion.
He asked me, “So how many abortions have you had?” I shook my head. “Me? Abortion? I’ve been through a lot of things but I’ve never let go of a baby. If I had one, I would have had it.”
Honestly, I did one. My boyfriend before him got me pregnant. We dated for six years but his mind wasn’t on marriage though he was a good guy. After he told me he couldn’t father our child, I let it go and also let the relationship go. A year later, I met my husband and we started our journey
He confessed to me, “I got two people impregnated. One didn’t tell me until after she had done it. The other one, I pushed for it because I wasn’t ready.”
I didn’t judge him. We moved on to other questions on the list until we exhausted the whole thing. Body count wasn’t part of the list but he brought it into the conversation and asked how many men I’d slept with.
I thought it was the period to be honest so I counted on both hands and said, “Eleven. It should be ten but I’m counting eleven because I’m not sure if the last guy did it. I was drunk. I felt it happened but he denied it.”
He didn’t fret. He didn’t act surprised. He told me he had slept with four women. Two were from his childhood and the other two came later in his life.
We were successful with the checklist. Both of us were happy and reported happily to our counsellor.
We got married and for three years we’ve been able to weather the storm in our marriage successfully but one thing never goes away.
Anytime we disagree, my husband would remind me of the many men I’d slept with. “Do you think I’m like you? If I had eleven women to sleep with, do you think I would be available for you to marry me?”
My body count comes up at every turn when we argue. It never rests. For three years it has become the silencer. The final word that puts a stop to every argument.
I don’t regret telling him. It’s my truth and I felt I was doing the right thing looking at the circumstances. My regret is telling it to a man who doesn’t have a sense of timing and knowing the essence of truth—his wife’s truth.
So, to the girl whose boyfriend is asking about her body count, I will tell you this, “Don’t tell him.”
Don’t tell him.
Don’t tell him.
But if you want to tell him, then do it because you want to use it as a reason to leave the relationship. You tell him the number today, tomorrow you say bye-bye.
I’m Afraid She’s Still Seeing Her Ex-Husband | Silent Beads
But if you say it and you try to stay, it will be the end of you. He may even marry you but he won’t forget the number of men you’ve slept with. The number would be your name. He might even use the number as his password.
Be careful.
—Alice
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Asemoo
So what would make a woman sleep with 11men?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂
Under NO circumstance, should a woman tell a new man the number of men she has slept with, unless it is zero
Nsem piiiii 😅🤣😂
He might even use the number as his password 🤣🤣😂🤣🤣
But honestly, I don’t see why people’s past should be replay to them this frequent. Blacks hates the truth too much.
Me, if i honestly tell you a truth and you decide to use it against me frequently, trust me it’ll be the end of us.
Yours is marriage and you can’t step out of it so enjoy the happy moments.
Mmmhhh this issue is true dear….am a man and before we got married,I also opened up to my girlfriend (wife now) about my ex’s and past love experiences and lessons.she took it all in and told me about hers too.
Ever since till date,we are 4yrs in a happy and blissful marriage but she almost always finds a way to remind me of my part whiles I have never ever brought up her past life .
It really hurts me but I ve grown thick skins .
Fact is,she will break down if I also use her past as a reminder or bargaining chip.
Never ever tell your new partner your past .
Be it family,personal or relationship.
One day,just be frank and tell him your mind in an assertive way and he will stop.
I ve used it as well.
If the person insist tell him only the half truth… Tell him u slept with only one person bcos u are not a virgin. God will allow u to enter heaven for this wai
Although this advice is coming late, it should be useful if you get to read it.
Tell your husband that you don’t like him holding your body count statistic like a sword against your neck. Tell him to stop referring to it because it’s in your past and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. If he doesn’t stop, tell him you’ll report him to the marriage counsellor or church pastor as applicable, and do so if he continues. You shouldn’t endure such abuse and manipulation from the person who should be one with you.
Also, you should have told him the truth about the abortion. Trust rests firmly only on truth; the real truth.