When I first found out that she was still in touch with her ex, I didn’t lose my head over it. I trusted her. So I knew I had nothing to fear. I would have continued to remain calm had the situation not escalated. She was all about her ex. My ex said this. My ex said that. She would go on and on. It was then I became concerned.

She tried her best to act as if all those things she was saying about her ex were in the past, so I wouldn’t suspect they were still talking. However, I found out. I asked her what was going and she acted innocent. “What are you talking about?” she asked.

I repeated myself, “What’s going on between you and your ex?” She vehemently shook her head, “No, it’s not like that. We are just friends. But if it bothers you, I will cut him off. You won’t hear of him from me again.” I believed her, only to find out along the line that she didn’t do it.

The second time too she swore to cut him off. “I am giving you one last chance to do things right,” I said to her. She gave me her word and then broke it yet again. After I confronted her the third time, I stopped monitoring her. I figured she wouldn’t let him go, and I was tired of fighting her about it. So I just left her alone.

Recently, I found out she has been talking to this same ex of hers more frequently than ever. At first, I had to dig before finding the signs but now they were scattered all over for me to stumble upon. I was worried. As much as I didn’t want to fight with her about it, I also didn’t think I should give her too much space for things to get out of hand.

When I noticed she was communicating with him constantly, I started paying attention to her. I realized she was always moody or anxious. It was as if she was holding her breath waiting for a miracle. I was concerned. I didn’t know what the problem was. I asked her but she was not willing to talk to me. I had no choice but to start digging around.

I found out that the guy was involved in an accident. He was on admission at the hospital. That was why my girlfriend was miserable. She was not herself because the man she was no longer dating was unwell. I asked her, “Tell me the truth, are you still in love with this guy? Do you want to go back to him? What’s really the relationship between you two?” She looked me straight in the eyes, and without blinking said, “I have told you countless times that there’s nothing going on between us. I only care for him. That’s all.”

I asked her again, “If there’s nothing going on between you two then you should cut ties with him. When do you want to do that?” She didn’t give me a specific date and time. She shrugged and said, “I don’t know. It can happen anytime soon.” I insisted she commits to a time frame so I can hold her accountable for it.

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She could tell that I was really concerned about her relationship with this guy. She finally answered that she would cut him off after he is discharged from the hospital. I agreed that it was reasonable to wait till then.

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I thought we were on the same page but now she is proving to me that we are not. She wants to go and visit him at his house after he’s been discharged. This is where I draw the line. No matter how I think about it, I cannot make it make sense.

All I am asking is, why would a lady in a relationship care so deeply about her ex-boyfriend to the extent that she wants to visit him at home? Am I right to be upset? Or am I overreacting? I’m beginning to wonder if this relationship would last. Is this how people behave in healthy relationships?

—Sunday

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