Everything became a chore the very first day she got pregnant. She didn’t cook because she hated the scent of spices and oil. She would go close to the kitchen and throw up the next minute. She couldn’t wash too. The scent of the detergent made her nauseous. She couldn’t carry her own weight and couldn’t sleep at night. She craved seawater at dawn and wanted the scent of the soil while it rained.

I didn’t know how to cook so we were starving to death until her elder sister came to live with us. The age gap between my wife and her elder sister is two years but when they both stand together, you might think my wife is older. When Efe walked in, everything around the house changed. The floors sparkled, the walls glistened and the kitchen exuded a cocktail of aroma at every given minute. That aside, my wife had a companion she could talk to so the burden on me to engage her every minute was lifted.

We became a family of equals who sat and argued, played and gossiped all night. There was fun in the house but the pregnancy took away all the fun in my marriage. My wife shared a room with her sister. They kept each other company at night while I slept alone in our matrimonial bed. She didn’t want to have sex with me and didn’t want to smell me around her. It started as early as when the pregnancy was only three months.

My wife is the kind of woman who glows when pregnant. Everything about her looked full and sumptuous but I wasn’t allowed to touch. I begged her for a minute. I assured her I wouldn’t go in too deep, just the tip but she shook her head. “Can’t you stay away for a couple of months? Must you do it every day?” She asked me.

One day we were arguing about this when her sister walked in. We were loud about it but immediately she walked in, I stopped talking. She didn’t. She went on and on and on. The pregnancy might have made her talkative because my wife wasn’t like that. All of a sudden, it felt like I was living with a stranger. In the night, she came to the bedroom while I was sleeping. I thought she had changed her mind. I thought she had agreed to let me touch it with the tip but no. She came to have a conversation.

“Are you considering cheating on me?” She asked me.

I’d been through things but I never for a day thought of cheating. I felt it was a phase. It would be over soon so why take a permanent decision over a temporary situation? But when she asked me that question, I thought if I said yes, it would scare her into acceptance. I responded, “I don’t intend to cheat but the way things are going, I don’t know. Anything at all can happen.”

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She got angry and started ranting. “You men are all the same. I won’t be surprised if you have already slept with someone. I’m carrying a baby for you and all you can think about is cheating on me?”

She was loud. I tried to calm her down or draw her attention to the fact that her sister would hear us arguing. She didn’t stop. She kept screaming and accusing me of cheating on her until she stormed out of the room. I didn’t want her to sleep with anger so I later decided to go into their room and talk to her. When I got to the door, I overheard her discussing the issue with her sister. “He’s cheating, I can feel it. He’s sleeping with someone because I’m pregnant and not able to give it to her.”

I knocked and entered. I held her hand and lifted her off the bed and took her to my room. We talked for almost an hour. I assured her I wasn’t cheating. I told her I would wait no matter what. I begged her to take off that mentality and concentrate on safe delivery. We ended up spending the night together and for the first time in five months, she allowed me to do it. She rushed to throw up afterwards but I was OK. The raging fire in my system calmed down.

The next morning, I had a conversation with Efe. I had to explain everything to her so she didn’t have to see me in the wrong light. She laughed when I was seriously addressing the issue. She wasn’t bothered by what her sister told her.

A week or so later, she walked in when I was bathing. She quickly made a U-turn and apologized. I thought it was weird that she walked in because she saw me entering the bathroom not too long ago. When I came out, she apologized again and started teasing that she didn’t see anything so I shouldn’t worry. I was worried but I let it slide. Days later, we were in the hall watching TV when all of a sudden her voice went down low. We were the only two people there. My wife was sleeping in their room.

She said, “She still thinks you’re cheating. She talks about it every night when we are sleeping but I believe you are not, but just in case you decide to do it, please don’t go too far.”

She kept quiet and looked away. “I shouldn’t go too far? What do you mean?” I asked. She responded, “I’m here. I can help you.”

“Are you going to give me your friend?”

“No, I’m here. You don’t have to go out.”

I pretended I wasn’t shocked. I only smiled and told her to stop joking.

When I was alone, I thought deeply about it. I knew my wife was capable of a lot of things so I took it as a trap they were both setting for me to see if I would fall. I started keeping to myself. I talked only when I needed to. She walked in on me again in the bath so I learned to close it whenever I was inside.

She changed the tone of her dressing. Something short and revealing became the theme around the house. My wife’s face whenever she dressed like that made me believe she had nothing to do with it. I knew I might fall if I didn’t take care so anytime my wife went out, I went with her. She called it romantic but I knew what I was running away from.

When my wife went into the labour ward to deliver, we both sat on the bench at the hospital praying she would come out safe. She asked me, “Did you tell her anything about what I told you? She changed towards me.” I also asked, “Did you mean it when you made that offer?”

She said yes.

I said no.

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She apologized that day telling me she didn’t know what came over. She pleaded with me not to mention it to anyone else she would be the devil in the family. I told her, “Just leave us alone and I’ll forget about it. If you keep sticking around after today, it would be difficult.”

We had a boy. Her mom came to live with us while she packed out of our house. We are not enemies. We talk when we meet. She comes around when necessary but anytime I see her face, I remember the offer she made me and thank God for the strength to win over the desires of the flesh

— Eugene

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