There’s a way you know she’s the one when you meet her. Every man knows that. Every man knows who is the one. If you’re not the one, you can squeeze water from the stone to prove your might but he won’t treat you like he would treat the one. Jane didn’t have to suffer to prove anything because right at hello, I knew we had a future.
We were friends for three months. She was doing her national service and I was newly employed at where she was doing her service. When I proposed she said no. She doesn’t want to date anyone from the office. I respected her opinion but stayed close until she completed her national service.
She said, “You never give up, do you?” I answered, “No man will allow that woman to go away when he knows she’s the one. To me, you’re the one. Nothing can change that.”
After the national service, I loaded her things in the company pickup and drove her all the way to her place. In the car going to her house, she accepted my proposal; “You’ve done a lot. You’ve proven to me that you can wait. A man with patience mostly wins. You won.”
We had our first kiss on the road to her house and before we got to her house, we were lovers. The happiest day of my life. We got to her house and what I saw made me open my mouth.
“Jane, is that where you live? Is it a hotel? Or it’s an apartment?”
She laughed at me. She said, “Please don’t embarrass me. That’s my parents’ house. Until I get money and rent my own place, I live with them.” “Why would you need to rent a place when you live here? I asked. “You should be here and nowhere else.”
Apart from the fact that she was the one, she was also rich. It didn’t change my feeling for her. My heart was already full and knowing that she was from a rich home couldn’t add to it or take from it.
Her parents were out when we got there. She introduced me to the caretaker and to her junior siblings as a friend. They applauded me for doing God’s work. They served me and I left.
Six months later, I was back at her house again. I went there to be introduced formally to her parents. They asked questions and I gave them answers. They asked about the future and I told them. Her father asked, “So where does my daughter fit into your future? She’s our first so we don’t want her to mess it up. Those behind her are learning from her footsteps.”
I answered, “She’s right at the centre of everything and she knows it. I waited for nine months to hear her say yes. I was always close and I told her she was the one. I meant every word and I’m happy we’ve been able to get this far.”
Her parents blessed our relationship and tasked me to take her to meet my people too. I did it as soon as possible and they had nothing against her. Even if they did, it wouldn’t have mattered.
Through the help of her parents, I got a different job that brought me to where we live now. They didn’t want the distance to worry us and a few months after I settled in this new place, we started making arrangements for our marriage.
By the time we got married, we had dated for two years. Jane didn’t behave like a rich man’s daughter. She was so down to earth that one day I asked her, “Did your father borrow his riches? It doesn’t reflect in your life one bit.” Her answer was, “My parents didn’t have money when I was a child. I grew up with their success so it’s different. Don’t you like who I am?”
Throughout the journey of our love life, her parents supported us. When we were getting married, I didn’t spend a dime. I had to say I needed it and they provided. I bought the rings with my money because I didn’t want them to. And I clothed my parents because I didn’t want them to.
Before the marriage, her parents showed us where we would live. It’s a big house. Three-bedroom house. They even promised me a car. The car we used for the wedding. They didn’t allow us to accept gifts during our wedding so all the people who attended came to eat and left. We had nothing from the wedding.
Right after the wedding things changed.
My wife moved to my rented place. It’s a two-bedroom apartment but it couldn’t contain us because of all the things my wife brought in. I asked her, “I thought your dad said he reserved a house for us. What happened?” She responded, “We are married now. They don’t owe us anything. Let’s make our own.”
I didn’t get it. It’s something they promised us so how come Jane was talking about something different?” A few months later, I went to them and asked about it and the father said, “Everything is in the hands of Jane. We can’t do anything without her approval.” I asked Jane and she said her father was lying but he has changed his mind.
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We’ve been married for two years and we are still living in the same house. The car they promised didn’t come. The things they promised to invest in our marriage also didn’t happen. It’s like they took us to the mountaintop and left us there to fall.
My wife works in one of her father’s establishments. They told me before marriage that I would be sent there to manage it. That also didn’t happen. I’m stuck in my old job where the salary isn’t anything to write home about. That notwithstanding, Jane expects me to provide for the house because I’m the head. She has more money than I have. She has a nice car though she says it’s for the company. She has everything but doesn’t support the home financially.
Their parents now behave like they hate me. Apart from not fulfilling their promises, when I visit them, they give me cold shoulders. Jane tells me it’s normal but I don’t see anything normal about it. It’s like me and my wife are two different people. She lives a very good life—the soft life while I suffer to even pay for basic stuff because my salary is not up there.
She goes home on weekends and doesn’t come until Monday. She tells me our house is boring. Why won’t it be boring when she’s not investing in anything with her money? On weekends the family will go to expensive places and chill and leave me behind. Sometimes her father will call me and ask permission from me to take his own daughter out but won’t include me.
Is this wickedness or they are saying something in a language that I don’t understand? Jane is a good person. When I provide, she plays her role as a wife. She washes and cleans the house. That one I will give it to her.
It Didn’t Work Out Because Of Tribal Reasons | Silent Beads
She serves me as any wife would serve her husband but it’s the externalities that confuses me. Should I meet her father man-to-man and ask what’s going on? It frustrates me a lot sometimes, to see my wife live a soft life while I shrink in a corner.
—Raphael
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No please. Don’t meet anyone and stop complaining. There were some what ifs whiles reading your story; what if they want to be sure you didn’t marry their daughter because of their wealth? What if it’s Jane’s own way of testing you for all she cares to get to know you better when it comes to finances and material stuffs; and the last what if, goes back to two what ifs.
Careful you don’t end up with nothing at all. Thank you
Look at you expecting to get free stuff from your in-laws. Go out there and make it as a man. What if you didn’t marry into a rich family? Won’t you still survive as man? Stop expecting manna to fall from the heavens. You’re a disgrace to men.
First of all, you should know that you are married and they don’t owe anything to you. As a man it will be a bad thing to depend on your in laws, so, her father is giving you that honour to be the man in your house. Secondly, your wife’s money is her money, your money is both your money and your wife. You don’t expect your wife to bring her money when you are supposed to be the provider.
Thirdly, you just have to prove you are man enough to provide for your family. You actually saw she was from rich family and went to marry her. You really need to ask yourself whether you continued because she was from rich home or because you want to take care of her as your woman. Do the one you need to do as the man of the house and never look at her money or her parents money. As far as she doesn’t disrespect you or treat you badly, you should be okay. Just work hard to have your own money to make your family a better one.
Also consider the “what ifs” the other commenter posted too. It’s very important. I wish you the best in your marriage.
I support your third suggestions but disagree with the idea of a woman’s money being her’s and a man’s money being for all. The saying goes like; for the two shall become one. So why have we created that impression among Africans that since the man is the head, then he is supposed to kill himself for the family while the woman enjoys her wealth at the expense of the man in recent days.
You are lucky that they organized your wedding for you without you having to” pay a dime” by your own words. Please, man up!
You are expecting your in-laws to take you out on weekends, give you a car and a three bed room apartment? Yes! they promised you and not oblige to fulfill it. With all due respect to you, you sound very materialistic as well. Thank God as rich as they are, you were allowed entry to marry their daughter. They owe you nothing brother! take your mind off their riches and build your own legacy or else you would end up in a psychiatric health care facility.
It’s clear Rachel married his wife because she is from a rich home. What he doesn’t know is the lady’s family helped funded the wedding to save their image. I think he should look for a better job if he thinks what he earns currently is not befitting to him. He should not ask the wife about anything her family promised again. He should take it their wealth doesn’t exist anymore and man up.
I also agree to everything others have said. It’s about time he starts being independent man and everything he is looking for will for in place
You have some crazy sense of entitlement as a man . As a young man myself I could read from your story that the rich parents helping you was enough to enter your head . That’s why the rich people choose to disassociate themselves from poor because people like you feel you ought to be helped 24/7 like a baby , if you want anything that involves money , you think that the parents should provide it to you which is so dumb. For you to tale that step to marry is enough to show that you can be independent. Step bro , you clearly wack and married for money .
I understand that failed promises can be difficult to stomach. And also seeing your wife go out with her family while you are left home alone is not something I would like to experience. However, as others have said, they really don’t owe you anything. Let’s assume they have reneged on their promises. People change their minds anytime. Accept that. Now imagine that you are married into a poor family. Be a human (not a man) to go out there and, together with your wife, provide for your family. Your in-laws started as a not-rich-couple. They are now rich. Let that inspire you to strive for the best.
I agree with all the above comments..
Be grateful and man your home.
Your home is not their responsibility, it’s yours.
You’re just not serious or maybe, ungrateful.
Which one is man-to-man here? Did you made any money into her father’s pocket that you want to meet with him man-to-man??
You’re just not observant and immature. They’re speaking a certain language to you but your eyes are glued on their riches.
They owe you nothing… Biko
Don’t expect manner to fall from heaven.
Most women from such homes feel reluctant to perform their duties as a wife.
Count yourself blessed for having such a woman.
You can team up with your wife and come up with a very good-lay-down business proposal and sell it to them. Maybe in that sense they can see your eagerness to make it life and support you financially.
But keep it in mind that they don’t owe you anything in your marriage. Knowing that will help you in your marriage.