She wasn’t working when we met. She was living with her mother and shared a room with her brother but she had a big dream. It was that dream I bought into. She told me she was working her way to the top “And by the top, I mean owning a restaurant big enough to feed a community,” she said.

I told her it was a great idea but she had to start small. That started a conversation that lasted over a week. Before the conversation ended, both of us had come to the realization that we loved each other and each other’s dream. I was working and because she wasn’t working, we agreed I was going to help her get to where she wanted to be.

For two years, I shared my earnings with her while she sat around looking for a miracle. I told her to apply for a job while waiting to build her own dream. She started and with no time, she landed a job in one of the biggest restaurants in town. Right after that, we started talking about marriage. We had known each other long enough to know we belonged together.

We got married and she moved in with me as the wife of my youth. Young couples have nothing but dreams. We woke up each morning and talked about the future because the future was all we had. We had beautiful plans but anytime it came to the execution of the plan, my wife looked at my face with her hands behind her back. She wouldn’t contribute a dime.

So I paid the rent, paid utilities, paid for food, paid for hair and nails and paid for her existence. After a couple of months together, I thought it was wise to remind her of how we planned to spend our money before marriage. Yes, we talked about it before we got married but right after marriage, she left everything to me.

“I’m a woman, your helper and not your provider. You’re the head here, the provider. Keep providing. I will help when the need arises.”

Though her answer got me angry I was patient enough to listen and understand what she meant. We talked about it again and I explained why my money couldn’t do everything.

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Nothing changed so I also reduced the things I was doing around the house. When the light went off and I asked her to buy prepaid, she told me she was a woman. When I couldn’t give her housekeeping money and expected her to fill it up, she told me she was a woman. Being a woman was her currency and this currency bought everything but nothing.

Again, when she had a job, she stopped dreaming of owning a restaurant. When I brought it to her attention, she told me, “If only you’d give me the money to start, why not? I will stop what I’m doing and start it for you.”

Everything was about me and my money while she went around spending her own money because, to her, I hadn’t gotten to the point where I needed help. The annoying thing was, even if I didn’t provide, she didn’t really care. She would talk about it and still do nothing. If it’s about food, she would go out there and buy her own food. If it’s about power that is off, she will stay in the dark as long as there’s no power.

That is not how I want to run my home so each time these situations happen, I would be the one in a hurry to restore life to normalcy. A year passed, nothing changed. Another year, full of complaints but nothing changed. At one point, she told me, “You make enough for both of us so why are you complaining? Do you want me to give all my money to you before you know I’m helping?”

I’ve stopped complaining. War is not won with only guns and ammunition. Strategy wins war more often than guns.

Currently, she has started complaining about our sex life and how I’ve stayed off sex. I told her, “ It’s because I don’t want children at this moment when I don’t have any help around here. If you want it every day, fine but I will have to use a condom.”

She laughed, thinking I was joking. When I went out, I came home with a whole box of condoms. I put it beside the bed where she would see it. She said, “You’re not serious, are you? Are we not married? Why will you use protection with your wife?” I answered, “I’m protecting myself from future hardship. If a child should come today, you’ll pay all the expenses with your gender card while I pay with everything I have. I’m not ready.”

I know that’s not the way to run a home but at this moment, my back is against the wall. I don’t want to mention divorce because that’s not what I wanted the day I vowed to be there through thick and thin. I’m only looking for a way to turn things around for the better. I want her to be the help when everything is alright rather than wait until we are in the gutters.

I don’t even trust her words. If she tells me, “Let’s give birth, I will help take care of them,” I won’t believe her because she has failed me before. We discussed expenses before marriage but look at us now. We talked about her dreams way before we were an item but look at us now. Nothing is going for us but she doesn’t care. A man has to do what a man has to do but currently, I don’t think what I’m doing is the best. There should be a way to get her hand in the dirt with me instead of holding on to sex.

A Guy Caught Us Doing It And Started Raising An Alarm

It will affect me just as it affects her if we don’t start making babies at this stage of our marriage. There should be a good measure out there to get her to fulfil her part of the bargain. That’s what I’m looking for now. What can I do if we take divorce off the equation and look at solving the problem head-on? We even opened a joint account at the beginning but guess what, she didn’t put in anything until now.

—Johnson

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