My wife has money—a lot more money than I could ever have at this moment in my life. She mostly doesn’t want me to know how much she’s worth, so she tries to hide a lot of information from me. I have a way of finding things out just out of curiosity. I don’t envy her money. After all, she’s my wife. She supports us financially in every aspect of our lives and sometimes gives me money just because she can.
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But these positives come with their negatives, and it’s the negatives that have pushed me to share this story. She doesn’t listen to me or plan with me. She would do something, and I would later find out before she would explain why she had to do it.
It’s sad, but my wife travelled one day and didn’t tell me. She got there and called to tell me it was late, so she couldn’t return. I was so angry I asked her to come no matter how late. She told me she couldn’t risk it. I said, “Tell me where you are, and I will come and bring you home myself.”
She sent me her Google location and asked me to come if I so wished. She was in Koforidua. According to her, she went to meet a client, which was impromptu, and the meeting dragged on until it was late. I didn’t go to get her. At dawn, she texted, “I thought you said you were coming? See his too-known bi.”
That’s just one of the instances. She bought her second car without telling me about it. When she was moving from her old office to another one, she didn’t inform me. I had to go to the old office to see it empty before she told me, “Oh, I’ve moved. I thought you knew.”
I’m not the kind of person to scream, “I’m the man of this house,” and I’m not the kind of person to suppress her wishes. I won’t even say, “Don’t do it,” when she wants to do something, yet she doesn’t tell me anything.
The latest issue we are dealing with is the lady she brought home to live with us. She didn’t say anything to me about bringing another person into our home. The lady walked in one evening, and my wife directed her to her room before telling me, “I feel I haven’t been good when it comes to domestic chores. I brought her here to help us. You know I’ve been busy.”
I don’t complain even when she doesn’t cook or do any chores. I do the ones I can, and when she gets the time, she does what she can. We didn’t need to get help for anything. We talked about it extensively that night. She insisted the lady stays, so she’s here with us, cooking, washing, and cleaning while my wife sleeps through the marriage.
I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It
This is not the kind of marriage I envisioned when we got married two years ago—to be a man but not the man. I want a change. Her parents can’t talk to her because they’re scared of making her angry. We don’t have a relationship with a pastor to bring him in. I want changes around here. How do I steer my marriage in the right direction without upsetting the foundation?
— Kobby
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Since she behaving as if she is single and not married you might as well remove the ring and tell her that since she believes she has money and won’t consult you behave making any decisions you will make her wish of being single come true. Then pack and go and stay at your parents house for a month or two And if you have kids visit whiles staying with your parents.It will scare her then cause her to reevaluate her actions.
In an era of divorce at the least inconvenience, I sincerely hope you see my comment and ‘selah’ for a moment.
I started off my marriage just as your wife is, and worst of, It never occurred to me that it was wrong. It became so natural that I totally forgot I was no longer alone but had a life partner to do this “independent” life with together.
Been independent through my adolescence to adulthood. Did everything on my own and literally hustled to the top on my own; no man whatsoever. I naturally became who you’d call and “Alpha Female” because of this. I get my stuff done, don’t ask for help and always wanting to be the help.
I bet when you were dating you found her independence attractive. She got her stuff together and didn’t need much or nothing from you.
Well, back to how this affected my marriage. I did quite a bit, plus some of the stuff you’re facing in your marriage but then it took my husband bring my feminity out. It wasn’t outright but little by little I learnt to let my guard down and be a woman and receive instead of wanting to give and dictating the pace always.
I thought being independent and getting headstrong was the way to go until my husband showed me that the most beautiful part of marriage is the partnership.
Wish I could type more but I’m so tired 🥱 at the moment …can’t put my thoughts together as I only came here to relax my mind. Sorry I had to cut this short but I hope you get the drift…
But if ever you need more, do send me a mail.
Botusmenab@gmail.com
Don’t enter into marriage with a woman superior to you. The man is to lead but when ur woman has upper hand you become her house boy. Infact she is likely to cheat on you with men who match her financial strength. I saw this post on facebook hours ago.
Your wife might be old for marriage but she is immature. Her behavior is disrespectful and unacceptable. But handle it with tact. Ideally, it would be good for you to see a marriage counselor together, but I doubt that she will go with you. If she won’t go with you, then start to pull yourself out of her world. Show her that you are the man and the leader of the family.
This is not a power struggle and if you start one, you’ll lose because it will only end in divorce. Most of your wife’s ideas are not bad, she’s only an independent person who lacks communication skills.
Have a conversation with her about her behaviour. Don’t try to control her, or lead her. Just let her know that you want to be involved in her decision making process. Even if she doesn’t take your advice, it shouldn’t get to the point that she’ll invite someone to live in your house without your consent.
This isn’t a matter of being a man or a woman, it’s just common courtesy and respect for your partner. Lots of men do exactly the same thing every day, but get away with it because they’re ‘the head’.
Talk to her, be patient with her because it’s going to take time for her to change. She’s used to being autonomous and making all her decisions alone.
Last, also check yourself and your own reactions when issues like this come up. Try to give thoughtful and useful advice instead of making foolish emotional statements in the heat of the moment. She’ll learn to appreciate your advice better.eg when she went to Koforidua without telling you, it was unreasonable to tell her to return no matter how late it was. You should have agreed to let her stay there and had a conversation with her when she returned about the wisdom of letting people know about her whereabouts in case of emergencies. If she had been kidnapped or had an accident, you might never have known what happened to her. Instead the advice that you gave her made you look like a fool and allowed her to mock you.
Another good example is the maid. She should definitely have told you before bringing her in. But your own argument seems flawed. She only wanted the best for your marriage. Why do you prefer to struggle with the housework or wait for your wife to come back after a long day of work to struggle with it? You seem to resent the fact that your wife won’t do any house chores and in your own words, will sleep through the marriage instead.
It appears that you feel emasculated by her financial independence and view her performance of house chores as proof that you’re still the man of the house. If not, the maid will reduce the amount of housework that you do. She’ll also make sure that you’re better taken care of, that there’s a hot meal waiting for you when you get home from work, a tidy environment and also someone to send on errands.
In summary, you are fortunate to have a wife that is financially independent. No one is perfect. Concentrate on working through your problems together as equal partners facing life’s challenges together. Don’t let toxic masculinity lead you. Most men that would advise you to aggressively assert yourself wish that they had wives with good finances too. It’s only an insecure man who would need his wife to be poorer than him in order to assert his masculinity. If you require others to be on their knees before you feel tall, then you are the problem.