My wife has a new habit. She’ll dress up and ask me how she looks. I’ll tell her she looks beautiful because honestly, I’ve never seen her look anything less than beautiful since we got married eight years ago. But telling her she looks beautiful doesn’t seem to suffice. She’ll ask specifically about her dress, “Does it sit on me well?”
Then she’ll move to her shoes and finally to her headscarf, “How does it look on me? Should I remove it?” Everything fits her perfectly, so most of the time, my answer is the same. One day, she asked me, “Do you even look at me? If I’m that beautiful as you always say, why then do I have to ask you before you look at me?”
I do see her, but there’s always so much more to see and handle around here than just her. The kids are here, the bills are there, the house gets messy, and meals need to be made. I see all of these and step in to get things done. When the kids are doing well, I don’t stress about them. When everyone is full, I don’t worry about food. When she’s beautiful—which she always is—I don’t always feel the need to say it because I feel it’s a given. Saying it every single day? That seemed excessive to me.
So I asked her, “What do you want me to say or do?” She replied, “Be vocal about the way you see me. I’m not telling you to only tell me when I’m beautiful. When something is bad about me, say it too. That way, I’ll feel seen.”
I got the message. She didn’t have to repeat herself. I’ve even started training the kids to compliment her whenever she dresses up. Now they’ll tell her, “Mom, your dress is nice!” My little girl, who’s always focused on hair, will chime in whenever her mom gets a new hairstyle: “Mom, I like your hair. It’s beautiful.”
She reacts emotionally to their compliments but treats mine as expected. I don’t mind. As long as my wife is happy, the home is happy.
However, it’s no longer just about how she looks when she dresses up. Now it’s about how she looks in her birthday suit. She says I don’t say anything when I see her naked around the house. Lately, when the kids aren’t home, she spends a lot of time walking around the house naked.
This started with her appearance in clothes, but now it’s extended to how she looks without them. And she doesn’t take this lightly—she’s even gone so far as to link my “failure” to compliment her nakedness to the idea that I might be seeing someone else.
At first, I found it funny, but the situation quickly proved to be no laughing matter. She’ll stop me in my tracks, hold my hand, and insist, “You’ve seen this body standing here, and you’re walking by? Am I invisible to you? Do I exist at all?”
Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married
One day, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I burst out in frustration because I’d had enough. This is a woman I dated for four years before we got married. We’ve been married for eight years and have two kids together. If I didn’t think she was beautiful or love her deeply, this marriage wouldn’t be where it is today. I don’t understand this sudden craving for attention regarding her looks. The more I compliment her, the more insatiable it seems to become.
We’ve never had major issues in our marriage until this new behaviour emerged. I’ve asked her about it, but she hasn’t given any explanation beyond her need to feel beautiful.
— Kyle
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
*****
I read this story on Facebook but I am leaving a message her anonymously.
The man has to understand the psychology of women to some extent. What the woman needs is not necessarily praises of her body as many suggested. She needs to hear that, the pink dress she wore the last time fits better than today’s black. what is the point her? She basically wants to be told to go change her dress once in a while instead of always saying anything she puts on fits her.
if I was the man, I will intentionally tell her to change her dress one day and suggest another one for an occasion. This behaviours exerts, first authority of a man over his wife’s body. It also tells the woman the man is observant of her appearance. third, the man cares about what she wears. I shall make this write up prominently in a response to be posted on silent beads
She is deeply insecure and she needs to solve that problem. Otherwise nothing you say will matter!
All what she said to you inshort is she wants you to notice the little things about her. She doesn’t mind you when you are complimenting her because she knows you are forcing yourself to. It’s not an insecurity. She feels she is not being seen or heard. When a woman talks don’t just listen to it as just mere words think deeper about it. This part of the change she is undergoing so please let her be. When she walk about naked it tells you she feels confident in her skin and around you. It’s a good thing because most women tend to cover up because they feel less sexy and less beautiful due to stretch marks , having a pudgy stomach. Try sleeping naked with her often it is way more intimate than sex.
It means you are embracing each other. You see her and she sees you as well because during such moment you have lowered your guard. Instead of complaining caress her body when naked. When she dresses tell how the dressing reflects you. If a woman looks good it reflects her husband. It means she well taken care of. She is like the mirror and you are the reflection. You don’t have to necessarily talk just a hug will do. Saying thank you will also do. You can squeeze her hand gently. Tell her you have her back. By her books if she fun of reading. Sometimes we are not complaining. It’s a cry from our hearts .We just want you to listen because it matters to us more than anything. Besides it hits differently when it’s comes from your man not your kids.
Every is about the woman these days.
Charlie as a man,your head is hot from morning till day break, less time to for stuffs.
How many times does the woman also compliment