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Just a year after we got married, my wife lost her job. I saw it coming. I knew it would get to that point but I didn’t think it would happen the way it did. She was having issues with her boss. She always came home with complaints about how her boss wasn’t treating her right. She said, “She’s the reason I’m not getting promoted. She’s been lying about my performance and until she leaves, I doubt I would get any promotion in that office.”

Another day, it was a complaint about how her boss disrespected her in front of her junior colleagues. Months later, they had an altercation. My wife told her in the face that it was because of her bad attitude that was why she wasn’t getting any man to marry her. Her boss didn’t take that accusation lightly so she took the matter up the ladder. My wife was suspended from work and out of anger she resigned from her position.

The day she came home, I told her, “It’s good you’ve left the place. Now your boss can’t come into our home and give you issues. Just rest and later find something else to do.” I was only being a caring and supportive husband. She said, “I don’t know why I waited so long before resigning. I’ve left. They can go ahead and chew the company for all I care.” That was in June 2019. I knew she was going to start looking for another job immediately but that wasn’t the case.

Two months later, I asked her, “Have you started looking for a job?” She said, “I just resigned from one hell of a job. I need time and space to cool off my head before starting something new. Please give me that space and time. I will start searching soon. That soon never came. She slept while I woke up early morning going to work each day. In the afternoon, she would send me a long list of things to buy when returning home. Just after 6pm, she would ask, “Where are you?” If I told her I was on my way coming home, she would say, “Kindly buy pizza for us.”

My salary was not something the two of us could survive solely on. I needed support and that support came from the job that she lost. Her continued staying in the house meant we had to depend solely on my salary. I had to pay for everything in the house,  fill the fridge and sometimes give her pocket money. It wasn’t a sustainable model so I started pilling up pressure on her to start looking for something to do. She revolted each time I brought it up. In December 2019 she told me companies don’t hire in December so she would start in January 2020. In January 2020 she told me it was too early to go knocking on doors asking for a job.

And then the pandemic happened. She said, “Which company would be employing at this time that most companies are laying people off?” True to her words, she stopped searching and instead stayed home and watched TV. The financial burden became too much on me that I couldn’t save money. My salary comes today and tomorrow it’s gone. I dipped into my savings and started spending everything in there.

One night I sat with her and had a very deep conversation with her. “Dear, there’s pandemic. There are a lot of people losing their jobs but I know for sure that there are companies out there looking for someone like you to work with. You won’t know because you’re always in the house. Jobs don’t drop from the skies these days. We go out there and look for them. Please get up and start searching.” She answered, “I will.” I asked, “When?” She said, “I don’t know but I will. Very soon.”

She never did.

This April, her mother fell sick. It was very critical and they needed money urgently to help her survive. She couldn’t provide. She is the eldest sister so her other two siblings were looking up to her. She asked me to help. I told her, “The only money left on me is what we are surviving on. If I give it to you right now, there would be nothing left for us.” She said, “So my mother should die?” I answered, “Your mother shouldn’t die but I’m saying…” She cut me off mid-sentence and said, “If it were your mother, you would have done something.”

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Three days later, her mother died. While all of us were grieving and talking about how good her mother was and how her demise was a shock to us all, she was busy laying all the blames on me. She said, “It’s all your fault. You had the money but you chose your stomach over saving my mother’s life. God will judge you I swear. You’ll answer for it on judgment day.” I didn’t mind her. Different people have different ways of expressing their pain. If blaming me was her way of getting better, then so be it. She walked around telling her siblings that I refused to help that’s why their mother died. Her junior sister told me what she said and I explained things to her. She was even angry on my behalf. She said, “Don’t mind her. There was nothing anyone could have done to save our mother’s life. It was her time.”

The funeral is drawing near so she came asking me for money again. I told her, “You know my situation. I don’t have money. If I did, you wouldn’t even need to ask.” She said, “So if your mother dies right now, you won’t have money to bury her?” I said, “Stop talking silly and let’s find a way out of this.” She said, “Take a loan for me, I will pay when I get a job.” I asked her, “How do I take a loan on this salary that we are already struggling to survive on? How do we survive after the funeral? She said, “Someone has promised me a job. After the funeral, I will start working and pay you. Or maybe the funeral will yield a lot of money so I will be able to pay you earlier than expected” I said, “I can’t risk that. We are not in the position to waste a dim on my salary. Ask your sisters. Ask the family for help. You’re not working. They will understand.”

She said, “Trust me, I’ll sort this out but don’t you dare come to the funeral. It looks like you’re not bothered about anything concerning me. I’ll disgrace you if I see you at the funeral. Don’t you dare me!”

My patience had been tested a lot these days and I’m already tired. I’ve decided not to go to the funeral just to preserve my own sanity but I’m also worried about what her family would say. I’m asking, would I be wrong if I don’t go to the funeral? I know my wife. She doesn’t mince words. She will do what she says she will do. I know she’ll cause a scene when I get there but I’m more worried about the future implications if I don’t attend her mom’s funeral. Please help.

–Moses

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