She didn’t have a problem with my name when the relationship started. For two years, it was all bliss between us so we got married. A few months after marriage, she came home from town and asked me, “What is the meaning of your name?” I answered with a question because in Ghana we are allowed to answer a question with a question; “Why do you want to know the meaning of my name?” She answered, “I learned about it today in a Facebook post and I want to confirm from you if it’s true. You Ewes have different meanings to the same things so maybe your name means something different than what the poster said.”

Honestly, I’ve never been proud of my name since I came of age. I wondered why my father bore the name from childhood and didn’t change it along the line or didn’t protest to have it changed. I remember one day in school, our religious studies teacher came to class and we studied names and their meaning. She wrote a couple of names on the board and gave us their meaning. They were all biblical names that meant something graceful. She then said, “Names have meaning and those meaning can have a great effect on your destiny. That’s why our parents give names such as Prosper, Peace, Solace, Comfort, and what have you. They want the meaning of those names to reflect on the lives of their kids.”

We started mentioning our names and their meaning. If you didn’t know the meaning of your name, the teacher would dig and tell you the meaning. What saved me that day was my first name. It’s a Christian name with a beautiful meaning so I mentioned that, gave the meaning, and sat down. The Ewes in my class started shouting, “What about the surname? They screamed while laughing so it caught the teacher’s attention. She asked, “What’s the meaning of Avutsu?” The Ewes in my class screamed, “A male dog.” The teacher didn’t believe it. She thought they were making fun of me so she asked humbly, “Is that true?” I nodded my head in affirmation. She asked, ”But why would your family give you such a name?”

I couldn’t answer that question but what she taught us that day lingered on my mind. That names have meanings and their meanings go a long way to affect the lives of the bearers of such names. It sounded true, looking at the history of my family. I’m the third child of my mother but the seventh of my father. My mother is the second woman my father married after he divorced his first wife because she cheated. He had two children with his first wife but according to my mother, there were other children she didn’t know of until later when they got married. He’s still married to my mother but has three children with three different women. My mom usually says, “The three are the ones I know personally but I believe there are others I don’t know of. The day he dies, I won’t be surprised to see over twenty children coming out to say the dead is their father.”

He’s not rich and he doesn’t come from a family that has wealth in their history. He’s a retired teacher now. It amazes me how he was able to go after so many women and won their hearts. Questions like this don’t have answers but the day I learned about the effect of names on us, I started getting scared because my father was a living example of how the names we bear affect our lives. My consolation came from the fact that I knew a pastor who was also called Avutsu. A very decent man of God who was well respected in the community. I told myself, “It’s not all bad. I can have a different story if only I stick to principles.”

But there I was, right in front of the most important woman in my life, being questioned about the meaning of my name, something I’ve run away from since I was a child. I told my wife, “I don’t know what you heard about my name but whatever you heard is true.” She screamed, “It’s true that you’re a male dog?” I retorted, “I’m not a male dog because I’m not my name. It’s just a symbol and I’m different from that symbol.” She said, “You’ll have to change your name. You’re a man now. You can make your own decisions without interference from your father. Change it. It’s possible.” I said, “I didn’t change it when I was a child. It’s too late in life to have a name change. I can’t go through the hustle of changing my name and explaining to people why I changed it. As I’ve said, I’m not my name. It stays and you’ll respect my name.”

She murmured, “Just imaging a huge conference that I’m a guest speaker. The MC will spew all sorts of accolades and appellations about me and later shout, “Let’s welcome Mrs. Male Dog!” Ah! What sort of life is this? Thank God I haven’t officially changed my name. I’m not going to change it until you change your name, which I know you will.”

I’m not the kind of man who takes pride in a wife bearing his name so it didn’t bother me. I told her to do whatever pleases her but what she can’t do is disrespect my name. Case settled, right? No!

So we were walking one day and we saw a dog. This girl burst out laughing. I didn’t get the drift at first so I asked her, “What’s funny?” She said, “Nothing.” I said, “How can nothing make you laugh out this loud?” What are you thinking about?” She was still laughing even when I was asking her questions. The dog sat on its ass and started licking its furs. We walked past it and my wife turned back to look at the dog while laughing. That was when I got it. I slapped her shoulder and said, “You’ll learn to respect the elders.” The way she laughed was so funny I even started laughing.

One dawn, I was deeply asleep when I felt a series of taps on my shoulder. It was my wife. She said, “Wake up, they are calling you.” I asked, “Who?” I picked up my phone thinking a call came through. She said, “No. Not through the phone. Just keep quiet and listen.” I was quiet for close to a minute and didn’t hear anything. I said, “All I hear is the sound of the whirling fan. Nothing else.” She said, “Shuuuu, it’s coming.” Then I heard woof…woof woof!! She said, “You heard it? Your people.” 

She was four months pregnant and often restless and sleepless at night. That was the only reason why I remained calm even when she disrupted my beautiful sleep. She was laughing. Laughing as if it was daytime. I said, “Hannah, shut up. You’re going to wake the neighbors up. She said, “Ain’t you going? You’re not good compatriots at all.” And then she laughed again and again. 

She’s my wife. Her happiness is my responsibility. If my name makes her happy without me doing anything then I can’t be angry about it. People take their wives on expensive vacations just to see them smile—smile ooo. They spend so much just to squeeze a smile from their wives. I don’t have to do so much. Just having a name like mine is just enough to make my wife squirts with laughter. What more could I ask for? I decided on her birthday, I won’t buy her anything. I will just text her my name and say, “Now, ain’t you happy?”

These are the things we can play with. It doesn’t hurt. It’s not demeaning. It doesn’t bring any shame into our existence, neither does it bring any confrontation between us. But currently, the same thing we laughed about has become the cornerstone of disagreement, that if not handled properly, it would plunge us into a deep hole of chaos. Our baby is due in a few weeks’ time. She woke up one day and said, “Our child can’t have your surname. Think about another name. Any name you would have chosen for yourself if you could change your name. Or just allow me to give him my surname. Avutsu? Naaa.”

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I didn’t force her to take my name after marriage because it’s not something I have a problem with but my children not going to bear my surname? That I have issues with it. I’m Avutsu. Whoever comes after me is also Avutsu just like I’m Avutsu because I came after my father. They can’t have any other name. They can’t have my wife’s name and they can’t have a name coined out of anything. I owe it to my lineage to perpetuate what my forbears started. I can’t be the one who deviated from that line and my wife won’t stop me. We’ve been fighting about it. We’ve gone for days without talking to each other because of that. We’ve had a heated argument about it. I’ve refused to eat her food because of that. None of us is ready to shift grounds.

The child is not yet in and we are fighting. I don’t want to welcome a first child in a toxic environment like we are in right now. She doesn’t want my name on her kids, kids I contributed immensely to bring into this world. I know what mothers can do and the influence they can wield on their children. I don’t want us to get to that level where it would be me against them all because of a name. 

What do I do to change her mind? After all, I’m Avutsu but I haven’t done anything that shows my name is weighing on me. My father did it but I’ve come to realize that what becomes of us in life is just a matter of choices and not as a result of the weight of our names. She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with my name. What can I do to change things around? If you were in my shoes, what would you do differently to avoid this chaos?

–Avutsu 

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