We were both living in different places when we got married. We dated distantly for two years before we got married. Before we got married, we had that conversation as to where we were going to live. She said, “It would be easier for me to relocate. All I have to do is put in a transfer request and wait until it’s granted.” I told her, you’re living in the city and I’ll love to move to the city too. Maybe I should start looking for a new job that will bring me to the city.” In the end, we both agreed to do what we ought to do and see what comes first. If her transfer request is granted before I get a job in the city, then she would move to my side and vice versa. 

We got married a few months later. A year and a half later, she got the transfer so she moved in with me. We’ve been married for the past five years and everything has been great between us except for one thing that threatened our peace right from the start; pregnancy. No matter what we did, my wife won’t get pregnant. We left it in the hands of time but time is a dicey thing. You don’t know how long the pregnancy will happen but as time goes on, you’re losing so many things if you don’t take care you’ll get to the end of time and realize that there’s nothing there for you to take. At that point, everything would be too late.

We didn’t want to have that situation so while we trusted time to do its magic, we went around looking for our own pot of magic. We prayed but we acted. We had faith but we didn’t wait until our faith bears fruit, we acted on it, watered it while looking up for the rains. The hospital said we were alright. God said, “Just a matter of time.” The Herbalists fed us with green pastures and seeds that had the promise of germinating with time. One year, two years, and three years later, nothing happened. 

My wife got worried. She was the one who always complained about this or that. She felt she was being looked at. She felt people were laughing at her. I told her, “It’s all in your mind. Life is hard, no one is having it so easy to be able to have the time to think about us and our inability to get pregnant. Just forget about the world and let’s trust the process. Everything would be alright.” She didn’t listen to me. She packed her things and went to live with her parents for them to take care of her. Because of what I saw with my wife, now when I pray to God I tell him, “Dear God, give me the heart of a woman who needs pregnancy. Give me half of their determination and I’ll change the world.” My wife would do everything and anything that promised pregnancy. 

She returned from her parent’s house in January, when the year was new. She said, “It’s a fresh year. Let’s start everything afresh.” All January we were busy. I missed her. She had been away for too long. Every night I gave her what we’d been missing. In February she said, “I feel heavy.” The next day she said, “It’s like I’ve lost my sense of taste.” Another day she said, “I’ve been feeling nausea all day.” The next day she checked and she was pregnant. It took us five years to be able to get pregnant. You can imagine her happiness that day. I was happy for her too. Most importantly, I was happy for myself. I’m going to be a father. That aside, I’m happy to know that I’m capable of creating something of my own kind. 

READ ALSO: My Dream Of Becoming A Mother Was Cut Short When I Was Only A Teen

Our problems should have come to an end, right? No, it didn’t. It looks like problems have a way of replacing themselves. They leave you alone today only to bring their wicked sister tomorrow. I think it’s the reason we are all going through life with unanswered questions. Because problems replicate themselves to keep us in a perpetual maze. My wife is a few months pregnant but we have a new problem on our plate that’s hitting our heads against the wall. 

I got a new job in the city. It’s a great job. Everything about the job screams good things; a good salary, almost thrice what I’m earning now, a good allowance and it comes with wearing a suit and tire every morning. I rushed to my wife with the happy news. All I was expecting to hear was; “Congratulations dear. You did it. It looks like this year is our year of blessings. Last year by this time we were dry but now see us, we have a double blessing.” 

No, she didn’t say any of that. She asked me, “Now that we are pregnant? How can you leave me alone here? I came here so we can raise a family. Why then do you have to leave?” 

My happiness fell flat on the floor. “But darling, this is supposed to be good news? Why would you make it sound like I brought the news of a dead relative?” It turned into an argument… 

“I will go.” 

“You can’t go” 

“I have to go.” 

“Not when we are pregnant.”

We left it for another day. When we picked it up again I tried to be reasonable. I told her she could come along later when I settle. I told her to bring her mom to live with her and I’ll send money every month for her mom’s upkeep. She answered, “My mom didn’t get me pregnant. You did. You can’t leave me here.” I felt she was being unreasonable. She saw me going for an interview and said nothing about it. She saw me preparing for the role and still said nothing until at this point that the dream is here. I want to go for the job. By all means, I’ll go but how do I do it so it brings peace to my home? 

Am I being selfish? I’m not travelling abroad. I’ll come home at weekends. I’ll be present through other means. We’ve discussed all that but she still says no. I have only one month to decide.

Is there any other way to handle this? 

–Joe

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