If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.
Three questions stood tall in the midst of the confusion. Whatever decision I wanted to take revolved around the answer to these three questions;
#1. Why did she unblock him when she had stood in front of me to block him on all fronts?
#2. Have they ever been intimate since that happened?
#3. What was the true intention behind what she told him that night about our sex life?
All I needed were the honest answers to these questions so while her parents were impressing on me to take her back, I was taking my time to find the answers. The reason for our separation was embarrassing so I found it very hard to talk to people about it. Again, I didn’t know what the final solution would be so I didn’t want to share the story with everyone and then later become a laughing stock when things didn’t go the way they expected them to go. The only people I opened up to were my own parents. Even with them, I didn’t go in too deep. Parents can be very funny especially when they love you as mine love me.
She kept calling to come back home. I kept telling her to open up and tell me the truth so we can start from a clean slate. She insisted she had told me everything. I insisted there was something more to say. When I shared the story, some of the comments also drew my attention to certain aspects of the issue I might have ignored because I was too in love with her. Someone said, “The part she said, “Sorry I couldn’t call when he left. I’d wanted to but I don’t know when I fell asleep” was the part that should have opened your eyes to be extra vigilant but you were in your “superman elements” so it blinded you.”
The comment was so sad but true. I remember thinking about it that very day but something in me told me to appreciate her effort than question it. I felt If I had to win her totally, I should be her ally instead of a man who questions her move. Things love makes us do, it’s hard to comprehend sometimes but that comment also opened the gateway for a true reflection of what was going on. One day I invited her over for an “Honest conversation.” I told her, “If this young marriage would survive this storm, it would depend on how open and truthful you’ll be in this conversation. We can’t have a relationship built on lies. The truth has a rude way of interrupting the path of lies, which is the reason we find ourselves here today.”
“Why did you unblock him after you’ve made me believe that you’ve blocked him? You did it right before me and I believed you. What changed?” I asked her.
From what she told me, she indeed blocked the man and had no intentions of unblocking him but according to her, one afternoon she bumped into him somewhere and they talked. She said, “I thought he won’t talk to me ever again after blocking him but when he saw me he was overly nice so I reciprocated.” According to her, the man congratulated her on her marriage and even made a statement like, ”It was meant to be that’s why what happened happened.” After that encounter, she said the man begged her to unblock him. He said, “You’re married now so what’s the point? We can’t be enemies. Just unblock so we talk once in a while.”
She fell for that and she unblocked him that very day. She blocked him right before my eyes and she unblocked him right before his eyes. It sounded like some level of poetic justice.
They started talking once in a while until that late night she found him online and they chatted. That was when she told him about her problems with insomnia. She said the man also told her he was suffering from the same thing so they became insomnia mates who talked when they couldn’t fall asleep. It was the reason they were taking that night when I found them. She apologized again. She said, “I went too far, I’ve come to accept that fact and I’m deeply sorry about that. I was carried away but what I told him wasn’t even true. That’s where you should look at it from. I’m very sorry.”
“When we were dating seriously, did you perchance sleep with him?”
“No, I never did. I can swear on any deity of your choice that I never did. I was true to you, I can swear on that. Once you entered the picture, it was you and you alone throughout, trust me.”
“And since you both got reconnected, have you ever cheated on me?”
“Seriously? Even when I was dating you it didn’t happen. How can I go to him now that I’m married? I can understand your fears and the reasons for your doubt. I caused it. If I didn’t chat with him and didn’t say that, we wouldn’t be here but believe me, I haven’t done anything stupid with him.”
“You’re sure of that? So if I take your phone and chat with him as you’re the one chatting with him, do you think I won’t find any reason to doubt what you’re saying?”
She took her phone from her bag and started going through it. She gave the phone to me and said, “I’ll leave it with you here. Bring it back to me when you’re done. I blocked him but since you want to talk, I’ve unblocked him again. Ask any question you want. When you’re done. Decide what you want to do.” I took the phone from her. She was right in front of me when I texted the man. He read the message and said, “You again?” I looked at her. She was looking at me. I responded, “So can’t I say hello to you again?” He sent an angry emoji and didn’t say anything. I gave her phone back to her. She asked me, “You won’t keep it again?”
She was winning with the kind of vim in her action. I threw the last question at her, “If you were so sure you wouldn’t have anything to do with him then why that message? What was the intention behind it? To shame me? To make him feel like this marriage isn’t worth it.” She responded, “I don’t know any reasonable explanation I would give to you to make you satisfied apart from saying I’m sorry. I got carried away. He was someone I talked to so maybe I took some liberties to tell a poor joke but that was it. I’m sorry I shamed you and if you tell me you don’t want me again because of that, I would understand but don’t go that far I’m begging you.”
READ ALSO: She Initiated A Divorce But 6 Months Later Came To Tell Me She Has Changed Her Mind
After that conversation, I started thinking differently. I felt I needed to give myself the chance to heal properly while thinking about what next to do. I would wake up late at night and check if she was online. I would call her late in the night and see if she was on the phone with someone else. Anything to throw me into doubt and not believe her again. I found none. We were not living together but on weekends she would come around and ask what she could do for me. She would cook, clean, wash and leave. Every weekend. She was still my wife and was doing a lot to prove she was there for me. I’m not a stone so at some point my emotions got over me. One morning she came around and it happened. I was counting the minute to ensure it wasn’t two minutes. I lost count when we hit the pinnacle of our feelings but I can assure you I did over two minutes.
She got up, dressed up and continued doing her chores as if nothing happened between us.
In the evening I called my parents. I told them, “It’s alright. We’ve agreed to give us a second chance.” They asked, “Are you sure? Don’t go and punish her for her past mistake if you’re not sure. It’s not easy to forgive these things and it’s understandable but no one will forgive you if you go back and do silly things to her because of what happened.” I told them I was sure of what I was saying. I went to her parents and told them the same thing too. She wasn’t there when I got there. They were happy. Her mom even knelt down and thanked me for not disgracing them. Her father said, “I’m going to keep an eye on her but whatever comes up again, don’t hesitate to tell us.”
I called her, “Come home. We need to talk.”
That brings me to what someone said in the comment. She said I should forgive but put down rules for her to follow going forward. I felt ‘rule’ was too strong a word so we sat down and decided on what to do to ensure transparency as we advance. “I will tell you everything going on in my life before anyone hears about it. You will know the password to my phone and I won’t change it. What else? Anything you want me to do, just tell me and I’m ready.”
We were back together in time for our first anniversary and it was a good one. It was like love after love but better. We were missing each other and it showed. We’ve been a work in progress since then because that’s how marriage is, I’ve come to realize. Nothing is perfect. A relationship between two imperfect beings cannot be perfect, that’s for sure but transparency has always been our guiding post.
The Reason Why My Wife Doesn’t Allow Me To Touch Her–Beads Media
Whenever we fault each other, we go back to it as if it’s the only thing our life depends on. We are growing together. We change and we adjust. We love who we have become after the storm and now that we are looking forward to becoming parents, our priorities have changed. The conversation is no longer about who said what and who didn’t do what. It’s all about what we can do to make the life of our kid better once it arrives. We are doing well and I’m grateful to everyone here who took their time to chip in a word when I shared my first story.
Everything you said helped, even those who said I should ask for a divorce had a point and I believe their point came from a place of fairness and truth but the thing is, life doesn’t work in one certain way. Divorced might have worked but trust me, what I’m experiencing now is also working and we are thankful every day for where we are now.
—Owura
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