Two months into the relationship, I realized everything has changed. I was virtually begging for the basic things every woman deserved in a relationship. He wouldn’t pick up my calls and when he did, the conversation was rushed. It was as though he was going somewhere. He would pick up the call and ask, “What?” I would tell him, “Oh I haven’t heard from you today. I’m calling to check up on you.” He would ask, “Is that all?” I would say, “No, also, I wanted to hear your voice.” He would answer, “Ok, you’ve heard my voice. I’m fine. Have a nice day.” Then he would hang up the call. It didn’t make any sense that a two months relationship would be this way.

I went to his place one day. He didn’t know I was coming. If he knew, he would have given me excuses, telling me not to come because he wouldn’t be home. I got there and he was sleeping. He was angry; “Why would you go to someone’s house without telling the person? What if I wasn’t here when you came? Or you came to meet something you shouldn’t have seen? The next time you come to my house without pre-informing me. I won’t let you in. It’s as simple as that.” I had a mission so I went straight to the point.  

“Tetteh, Tell me the truth. Is everything alright? Have I done anything against you? Anything to warrant this current attitude towards me? It was only a few weeks ago when you were all over me, begging me to be your girlfriend. I remember telling you that I wasn’t ready to be in love because of how I was treated in my previous relationship. You told me you’ll be better. You told me you’ll do everything to help me forget the pain my ex took me through but from the look of things, you’re becoming worse than my ex-boyfriend. What is wrong? If I’ve done anything wrong or said anything that I shouldn’t have said, just let me know and I will apologize.” 

I sat quietly waiting for him to respond. He was texting on his phone. He switched from texting to the bet app looking through to see if he had won something. He said, “Shit, this team would always break our heart.” He wasn’t addressing my concerns so I called out his name, “Tetteh, I’m talking to you.” He screamed, “You came to my place unannounced just to interview me? Is that why you came? I don’t have answers for you. Next time when you want to talk about something like this, tell me before you come here. That way, I can prepare the answers for you.”

He didn’t talk again. I sat there and watched as he scrolled through his phone. Later he turned to me and asked, “Have you finished? If you don’t have anything else to say, then please get out. I want to close my door.” I don’t know where the tears came from. All I realized was tears flowing down my eyes. I got up and left his house. In my mind, the relationship was over. I wasn’t going to put myself on the low for him to step on me every day. I got home and cried more but later in the evening I regretted allowing him to see my tears. I told myself, “A guy like him doesn’t deserve to see me cry. He might think I can’t live without him or he’s so important to me that I cried before leaving the relationship.

I didn’t hear from him for a whole week. I didn’t call him and he also didn’t call me but that was not the end.  

We were both doing our master’s when we met. He was a year ahead of me doing the same course I was doing. I was at the school’s cafeteria eating with my friend when he entered our conversation without invitation. We were talking about one of the lecturers and how we didn’t like his lecturing. He said, “Oh Ansah? He’s like that. Last year he was lecturing us. I don’t know any person in our class who liked him. He’s too lazy to be a lecturer.” He became part of our conversation. He asked what we were pursuing and we told him. He said he was also doing the same thing. He took our numbers but I was the one he called consistently. I was the one he came to whenever we were on campus. He would bring me gifts and sometimes give me a lift after lectures. 

He proposed one day and I said no. I told him why. I gave him my fears. I even begged him; “Tetteh, please let’s stay friends. I can fall in love with you, I don’t mind but I know the consequences of love. I’ve had a beautiful friendship that got destroyed because I fell in love with them. You’re a beautiful person. I like the way you treat me. The care and everything but would you let us be just friends? I’m begging you.” He answered, “If you indeed like everything about who we are now, then you’ll like everything about who we would become because everything is going to get doubled.”

I shared my fears but he said I had no reason to have those fears. I told him about my sufferings and he said he would make things better. I asked if he had a girlfriend and looking for another one and he said, “How can a man keep two girlfriends? Isn’t one girlfriend enough stress? If I get you, I’ll need no other. You’ll be the only one in my life because there’s no other. I said, ”Ok, let’s be who you want us to be. I’m ready.”

The first couple of weeks was the best I’ve ever experienced in love. My phone never rested. Deep in the night, I would be on a call with him talking about silly things. He would come to my place on a weekend and wouldn’t leave until Sunday after lectures. He would be in the kitchen with me, he would be in the hall with me, even when I was in the bath, this guy would find a way to be there with me. It was the reason why I fell deeper and deeper for him only for him to turn the way he did. Relationships turn sour after a year or so. Lovers fight when what they have is old and is going through mending. Ours was only two months old but was looking like ten-year-old love that was limping.

When I left his place in tears that day, it was the final call for me. I’ve had enough and wasn’t going to keep going to him for him to keep disrespecting me but when he didn’t call after a week, I told myself, “Nooo, this guy can’t have it easy like that. He only came into my life just to sleep with me. It’s the reason why he’s behaving this way after getting what he wanted. I have to make him pay for all the disrespect he showed me. I went to his house unannounced again. I entered without knocking. He was on the phone talking to someone. Immediately he saw me he told the person, “Let me call you in the next five minutes. I have to attend to someone.”

He walked up to me with smiles on his face; “I knew you would come back. Come here. You missed me?” He threw his two hands around my neck, facing me directly. He was about to kiss me when I said, “If you try it I will bite you. Don’t dare me.” He pushed me away. “I thought it’s over so why are you all over me?” He responded, “If it’s over then why are you here?” I asked him, “I want to know one thing from you and I will leave you alone. Did you come into my life just because you wanted sex? Say the truth and I will leave you alone. And no, I’m not angry. I want this closure and I will leave you alone.”

He thought I was asking him a silly question. He ranted on and on telling me I’m making myself look like I’m the only woman he could get shuperu from. It turned into a fight. He tried to say hurtful things to me. I told him, “You’ll regret this. I know what you came for but don’t worry, I will make you pay for everything. You won’t go scot-free.”

When I was threatening him here and there, I still had no idea how I was going to make him pay. I started digging. Something I should have done before saying yes to him. I asked a few of his classmates I saw him walking with. They all didn’t have anything to give about him. So one day I went to his office. There was a colleague of his he used to mention when we were dating. His name is Mathew. I was going to see him and beg him to tell me anything he knew about Tetteh. Whether or not he was a married man. I got there, asked of Mathew and he came around. One nice guy with a ring on his finger. I asked, “Is Tetteh around? He said, “No he’s currently on leave. His wedding is this weekend so he’s been away for a while now.” I choked. “His wedding?” I asked. He saw the shock on my face and realized he might have given me too much information. He asked me, “It’s everything ok?” 

I told him I wanted a low-interest loan and Tetteh told me he was the guy I could speak to. He said, “Tetteh told you that? Then he’s lying. We don’t work in the credit department but I can direct you to someone who can help you if you’re ready.” I said, “I would be very happy.” He mentioned a name, one Johnson, and directed me to his office. I thanked him profusely and walked in the direction he showed me. On the corridor leading to the office, I saw a notice board. I wasn’t going to see the man so I thought I would stand there to while away time. Then I saw the wedding invitation tucked nicely on the noticeboard. I read for a few seconds, rushed downstairs, and left the premises. 

“Tetteh is getting married? I see. No wonder he had been treating me this way. I was just a plaything for him. Nothing serious. He wanted to get under my flesh and he got it so he was doing everything to push me away before his wedding.” I got home and I cried a little. I picked up my phone and called him. I said, “Your wedding is this weekend right? You’ll hear from me.” Then I cut the line.

He called a thousand times within a minute. He sent a text: “Please pick up the phone and let’s talk. It’s not the way you see it. Please pick up the phone.” He called again and I didn’t pick up. It was a Tuesday. The next early morning, I was about to go to work when I heard a knock on my door. I opened the main door and there he stood, in all his lying glory. I laughed. I said “Tetteh, why are you here? So you could also come to my house without telling me first? You should be with your wife or?” He spoke with the softest voice he could muster; “Cindy, please let’s talk. We need to talk.” I told him, “No I don’t have anything to talk about. You’re getting married and I wish you well. I only called to let you know that I’m aware that you’re getting married. Just go and enjoy your life. We are no longer together, right? When was the last time we talked? You’re free. Just get married.”

He followed me to work that day. He was begging for a moment to talk. We were in a trotro so he couldn’t open up. When we got down and I was walking to the office he said, “I’m only asking you to forgive me. I’ve been a monster, I know. I shouldn’t have done all that to you knowing my situation. I’m only asking you to forgive me.” I said, “You’re not asking for forgiveness. You’re only scared that I will come to your wedding and make a scene. Look at me very well. I’m a learned woman. I won’t disgrace myself this way. Never. Not because of a useless man like you. Feel free. Get married and leave me alone.”

I left him at the main gate to my office. He called every minute and every hour. He texted me a thousand-page memo, begging and explaining. I didn’t even know what I was going to do to him but I was grateful that I’d found out the truth. My mind could rest easy knowing that it wasn’t my fault. He was just a man who came into my life with an agenda and left once the agenda was achieved. I couldn’t blame myself for not being able to sustain a relationship. That alone was mind-settling for me.

A day before his wedding, he called and I picked up. He was still pleading. He said, “It would have been you if I met you earlier. Even the decision to get married to her wasn’t easy because you came into the picture. But she had helped me a lot. She’s the one paying for my master’s. The car I’m using is for her. Looking at all the things she had done for me, I couldn’t have left her and come for you but truly, you’re the one I love.” I laughed on the phone. I said, “Tetteh, your wedding is tomorrow and you’re still on the phone lying to your girlfriend? Anyway, I’ve recorded this conversation. I will send it to her. This and every other message we’ve once exchanged. She has to know the truth. She has to know the kind of man she’s getting married to so she would stay vigilant in the marriage.”

READ ALSO: When a Man’s Wife Becomes His Ex-Girlfriend…

He cried on the phone begging me. I never in my life thought Tetteh could cry. A guy who treated me like garbage could finally break down and cry on the phone. I told him, “To be on the safer side, confess your sins to her this evening so my message would be dead on arrival. If you do, she will forgive you. I know women because I’m a woman. If you don’t confess, and she hears it from me, things would turn out worse for you.”

The day after their wedding, I called one of the numbers on the invitation card. I said, “Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to come to the wedding but I want to send my gift through Momo. Can I get Felicia’s Momo number so I send it to her? He texted me the number. It was at dawn, around 2am when I started sending her the screenshots. One after the other, I forwarded all the screenshots of our conversations to her, including the call I recorded. I said, “I’m sorry but I think you deserve to know.”

Around 4:30am, I saw her number calling. I picked up the phone. She was panting, talking amidst tears. She said, “How did that happen? When? How? How did it start that I didn’t get to know about it until after the wedding? Who are you? Where do you live?” I answered, “He wasn’t good to me. He lied to me, led me on, and took advantage of me. I felt you should know the truth so you know how to deal with him going forward.” She was still talking when I cut the line and blocked her number. Tetteh called in the morning. I blocked his line too. 

What happened from there, I don’t know. The next time I saw Tetteh on Campus, he was looking gaunt, as if he had been sick for years. I looked at his fingers. The ring wasn’t there. He couldn’t look at my face twice. Immediately he saw me he doubled his steps. He was trying to hide or something but it was too late for him. I saw him and saw how bad he was looking. It’s the absence of his ring that got me thinking. “She left him? or He’s not wearing his ring just so he could prey on other unsuspecting women.” The former looks more likely than the latter. 

—Cindy

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG