I’m almost forty. I am not married but I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for almost two years now, and we are currently living together under my roof. He has been unemployed half the time we’ve been dating so he doesn’t contribute financially to our household.
I am the sole provider of our home. Food, groceries, toiletries, utility bills, name it. Everything that we need at home, I bear the cost. This doesn’t make me happy. Apart from that, I am not okay with certain things he does. It’s actually more like, things he doesn’t do.
This guy is super quick-tempered. And when he does something wrong, he hardly apologizes. As if that’s not enough, he likes to dictate how I should live my life. “I don’t want you wearing that dress,” he would say. “I am not comfortable with your friendship with this person,” he would complain.
Left to him alone, if he says jump, I would ask; “How high?” If he had his way, I would be a little puppet he controls. This behaviour doesn’t extend to only me. He is always judgmental and highly critical of everything and everyone around him. That kind of energy sucks out the cheer and joy out of everything we do, and every connection we make. Who wants to be with someone this draining?
Although he sits at home wasting away while I go to work, he refuses to help around the house. He thinks house chores are beneath him because he is the man of the house. If I politely ask him to help me take care of a few things, he would do it grudgingly. This guy would murmur until he finishes with the chores. If what needs to be done is staring him right in the face but I don’t say, “Babe, kindly take care of this for me,” it would remain undone. Even if I was not home, he would leave it for me to come and meet it.
Another thing he does that makes me question our relationship is his ability to give me the silent treatment. We would have a little misunderstanding and my man would go for days without talking to me. Sometimes he would even go for weeks. I talked to him about it but nothing has changed. He says that’s how he handles problems.
So I am here asking myself, is this relationship worth holding on to? Every fibre of my being is telling me to let him go. And I wish I could. However, I’m afraid to be alone. I know some people will advise me to love myself and enjoy my own company. Trust me, that’s not my problem.
I have done the whole independent woman thing in the past. For ten years, I lived alone. I was single and I was happy. I enjoyed every bit of it until my ex-boyfriend came along. That was when I realized that although I was satisfied with my life as a self-sufficient woman, I wanted more from life.
I learned that the freedom I got from being alone does not compare to the comfort of coming home to someone. I don’t how to explain it but it is more liberating to belong with someone when you know that they also belong with you. Life gets hard sometimes. It’s just nice to have safe arms to hold you when you fall apart. So I decided that I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
READ ALSO: I Didn’t Want A Man Until He Asked, “What Do You Think We Are Doing?
I met this current boyfriend of mine after things didn’t work out with my ex. And just like that, I fell in love with him. I thought moving in together would be a good idea, but now I have seen that I was wrong. I thought I knew him, but after everything I have seen, I have learned that you can’t know someone well enough.
I’ve Thought About How To Blame God
What I am trying to decide is if being alone is worse than being with a man like him. My brain says I should let him go, but my heart wants to hold on to him a little longer. I believe that a part of me is hoping that he would change. I know I should leave my heart out of this and go with the logical thing but it’s hard.
At my age, I believe the quality of men within my age range is not that great. I would have to choose someone and manage their flaws. So shouldn’t I just stay with this guy and find a way to handle his flaws? What if I leave him and it takes me another ten years to meet someone I like? I am not getting any younger. What should I do? Is this man worth fighting for? Your counsel will be highly appreciated.
SHARE | Help Others See It Too
—Lindiwe
This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at [email protected]. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.
#SB
There are certain trees that need to be uprooted not cut off. I f you don’t uproot this evil tree There is no way for a good to grow in it’s place. Leave your fears because they are nothing but poison to our souls.
” I have done the whole independent woman thing in the past. For ten years, I lived alone. I was single and I was happy”. I ws happy when i read this feom you. If u dont cherish this continue to tolerate dat lazy and controlling man.
Nothing is more painful and draining than leaving with someone who doesn’t offer to help. I call them ” plus one, minus one”.
It will be worse in marriage do let him go.
Face ur fears, being alone is enjoyable. Age is jst a number. U will meet the rit guy.
kindly know that this man is with you bcos you provide for him, nothing more, he doesn’t love you and he will definitely leave you for a younger one after getting job.
Let him go, be yourself and pray, for with God nothing is impossible.
a woman is not born to provide 100% for a man, you rather support according to Genesis 2:18. let him know his responsibilities and the support you have for him, if he truly loves you he will change for better
You are not a product with a best by date. Stop seeing yourself in that light and love yourself. You deserve to be loved, cherished and treated with respect.
Maybe you not telling us how good he is on the bed. I can see your kind-hearted person. Is not him I am sure is the parenting of the family. Sorry, but you have to sit rethink, and pray about it and moving on.
I am believing for soulmate as well.
If u want to keep him for a while then don’t come and ask us for opinions. Keep quiet and suffer. Neeext casee
Don’t forget the old Ghanaian proverb, “if you are afraid of divorce, you can’t get a good marriage.”
Hmmmm…. All I can say is, “If there’s anything to fear, fear, fear”.
But when you finally decides to quit, get in touch with me wai.
Those in need doesn’t get. Truly, life no balance.
Hmmmm…. All I can say is, “If there’s anything to fear, fear, fear”.
But when you finally decides to quit, get in touch with me wai.
Those in need doesn’t get. Truly, life no balance.