When my junior sister completed senior high school, her grades were very poor so she had to resit some of the papers. She tried it the first time and still got poor grades. My father called to inform me; “Talk to your husband. I want Yaa Rose to come and live with you so she can focus on her failed papers. There are too many distractions here.” 

When I got married, I made a promise to keep my family out of my marriage. My mom and dad only came to visit us when we had our first child. We needed help but I didn’t want that help from my family. Not that I hate them or something. No. My family loves me too much if I allow them space in my marriage, they’ll soon see problems where there are none. They’ll poke their noses into things that do not concern them. I didn’t want such drama around my marriage so for six years, I put a wide gap between my marriage and my family. 

This was about my sister’s education. I was the one paying her fees. When she had to do the re-sit, I was the one who paid for everything. Whenever she failed, I was the one who wasted money so I had an interest in what was happening in her life. I spoke to my husband about it and he gladly accepted. Rose came to live with us and started attending weekend classes. My husband wanted to find her a job for her but I protested; “I don’t want distractions. She has only one job for now; to learn and to pass her re-sit.” 

She was attending extra classes when I won the American lottery. It was unexpected. Yes, I applied for it but I didn’t think I was going to win so I didn’t factor it into my life’s decision. I didn’t want to travel but my husband told me, “This opportunity won’t come again if you let it slide. You’ll travel to the USA, work things out so we come and join you later.” My son was three years. It broke my heart that I had to leave him behind. My husband insisted, “Rose is here. I am here. When things get hard, I can invite my mom to help or your mom can also help. You have nothing to fear. Just go. Feel free and go. We’ll take care of things around here until the right time comes for us to join you.”

The agreement was that I will travel while my sister helps my husband to take care of our son. When she finishes writing her resit, she would go back home so my husband’s mother would come in to help. Everyone knew their role and what they were supposed to do before I finally left town. 

People travel with a lot of happiness in their hearts but I was not happy. I was not happy that I was leaving my marriage and family behind. I was going to miss them and living alone in someone’s land filled my heart with trepidations. What kept me going was the hope of a better life for me and my family. 

I travelled abroad and a year later, Rose completed her resit. I was talking to them every day and night. My mother-in-law was supposed to come and take over from Rose but just when she had to come, she fell seriously sick and had to stay home. Rose couldn’t leave my son and husband alone, so she continued staying with them. My in-law couldn’t get better until Rose’s results came. She was able to pass four subjects but failed in Maths and English. She had to rewrite again and that was why she kept staying with my husband and son. 

Because they were alone, our last born who’s also a girl went to visit them whenever they were on vacation. She was in junior high school. As usual, I spoke to each of them every day and night so I don’t miss out on anything. One evening, I was talking to our last born, Efia, when she said something like, “I will go home tomorrow. Can you call me on mom’s phone tomorrow?” I asked her, “Why are you going? Has school reopened?” She answered, “No, I just want to go back so you call me on mom’s phone when I’m gone.” I asked where my husband was and she said he was outside. I asked about Rose too and she said, “She’s out there with him. They’ll come in any moment to collect the phone so call me tomorrow.”

I was disturbed. When my husband took the phone I asked why Efia wants to go home and he said, “I’m even surprised that she’s going but she said she misses her mom and her friends and also wants to go home to do extra classes.” Something didn’t sound right. There were missing details in her voice. “Efia comes around every vacation and doesn’t go back until schools reopen. Why would she go this time before school reopens?”

The following day I called my mom’s phone and asked to talk to Efia. She took the phone and said hello while running. I asked why she was running and she said she was leaving the house so no one hears what she was going to say. When she settled she said, “Rose is pregnant and she’s hiding it from you.” I screamed, “She’s pregnant with who? How did you know? Did she tell you herself?” 

She answered, “This is not the first time. The last time I was there too she was pregnant. I couldn’t tell you about it because I was scared of what will happen. This one I have to say it because Rose has stopped going to classes. She stays home all the time pretending she’s you.” 

My heart started beating faster. “Pretending to be me? What do you mean?” She answered, “She doesn’t sleep in our room. In the evening she’ll sleep there with me but in the middle of the night when I wake up she won’t be there. She’ll come back early morning pretending she slept there all night. She spends the night in your room with your husband. They try to hide from me but I see them all the time. Sister, I didn’t want to say it ooo but Rose is becoming something. If you don’t come she’ll destroy everything.” 

Tell me you’re joking. You’re joking, right? How did you know about the pregnancy? You mean she’s pregnant for my husband? Did she tell you herself?”

Efia told me she overheard them arguing. My husband was pleading with Rose to abort. She said she wasn’t going to abort because the first time when she did it my husband didn’t give her what he promised he will give her. She was the only one who suffered so this time she won’t abort until my husband gives her what she promised her the first time. They were arguing at dawn when Rose had sneaked into our room so Efia got up and eavesdrop until she got the details she gave me.

My life hasn’t been the same since she told me this story. I was working two jobs. I got fired from the first one because I couldn’t focus on the task. I was always crying and leaving my job early. I’m forcing myself to do the second job because bills have to be paid. I told Efia not to tell anyone about it. In fact, I made her swear that she wouldn’t mention it to anyone until I ask her to. I called my husband late at night that very day. While I was talking to him I called Rose’s number with another phone and I heard it ringing in the background. I asked him, “Who’s with who now? Is she in our room or you’re in her room?” 

He went berserk; “What sort of question is that? What are you insinuating? I’m in the hall. She left her phone on charge in the hall and went to sleep…” I cut him in the middle, “Shame on you Kwabena. You don’t even know how to lie. Let me tell you this, I know Rose is pregnant. I also know that this isn’t the first time you’re impregnating her. What promise did you make her the first time that you didn’t deliver? Kwabena, you can do this to me? Was that the reason you were pushing me to travel so you can make my sister pregnant?” 

He was fumbling. He doesn’t stutter but he started stuttering on the phone. I told him, “Wake her up and ask her how I got to know. She told me herself so you can’t lie. I say wake her up and ask her. Aren’t you two sleeping together? Is she not your wife now? And you’re doing this in front of your five-year-old son? How could you Kwabena?” He couldn’t say a word. He was on the phone breathing. I screamed, “Talk. Can’t you talk?” 

I was hoping he was going to keep denying it so it gives me some hope that Efia didn’t get the conversation well. He said, “Please let’s resolve this as one family. No one has to know else I will kill myself. It’s the work of the devil. I’m pleading with you, please let’s settle this calmly without bringing anyone into the picture. I beg you.”

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And that was how I wanted it to go; to get things settled without bringing external ears into it. I called my mom right away and told her everything. She wanted to die on me on the phone. She pleaded with me not to tell anyone. Not even my dad. “It’s a curse on the family. Let’s not tell the world about it. They’ll mock us. It”’s blasphemous. I called my dad and told him about it. He was talking about bringing in the police. I said, “Your child is twenty-three years. Legally, she’s at the right age.” I called my husband’s parents and told them everything. They were shocked. His mom broke down and cried on the phone. I called everyone but stayed away from calling Rose. I didn’t know how to confront her in a way that would make her know how hurt I was. To date, I haven’t called her. 

The last time I spoke to my family, they were in the process of getting her to abort. I asked my mom to go for my son and she did. I’ve asked my dad to return the drinks they brought for my hand in marriage. I’ve spoken to a lawyer friend and I’ve asked her to initiate a divorce on my behalf. I’m happy about the fact that this thing didn’t happen in my presence. The shame might have pushed me to harm myself. My husband keeps calling me, asking me not to divorce him. He’s like, “Remember how I struggled to send you abroad? It was a loan, remember? We have a family to protect so why are you doing this to me? Why are you destroying us because of one mistake?”

What Do You Look For In A Partner You Want To Settle With?–Beads Media

His cries fall on dead ears. Even if it was a half mistake that bothered on cheating, I still would have left the marriage. What I’m going to do now is work hard and bring my son here to live with me. From there, I will take life one step at a time and see where it gets me. I’m broken. It’s like there’s no life in me now but slowly I’ll rebuild and be whole again. I don’t think I’ll ever have the strength to call Rose but I forgive her. I forgive her but I’ll never get anywhere closer to wherever she is. I pray I don’t even see her again because she’s now a bad memory. Anytime I see her face, I’ll suffer the memory of what she did to me. I don’t want that. I’ll live my life as if she doesn’t exist because honestly, she doesn’t exist in my plans and in my dreams.  

— Lucy

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