The very first day I took my boyfriend home, my senior sister called me on the side and asked, “Of all the men that came into your life, is this who you settled for?” Alfred was there so I didn’t want to go into banter with her. My mother was pleased to see him. My dad said, “Welcome home my son. Here, we all rely on God for everything. I hope you’re a believer?” Alfred nodded. He said, “I’ve even decided to attend her church right after marriage.” My dad said, “We will welcome you with an opened arms. I wish you two well in your journey. Whatever happens, I’m your father. Talk to me.”

My sister was sitting there like a wax statue in the sun. She was melting with emotions. When Alfred left, she said, “Ah dad, you like him? Didn’t you look at him well? Why would you welcome just anybody into our home? You don’t like him. Just speak out.” My dad said, “Does it matter how I feel about him? He’s your sister’s choice and I believe she chose him for a reason. Who are you to question her choice?” I looked at her and said, “We are all here. We are waiting for the kind of man you’ll bring home. You better come home with Bill Gate’s son. Anything else wouldn’t suffice.”

I know my sister. She’s the jealous kind. She’s someone who wants every good thing to happen to only her. If it happens to you, it’s not good enough. She can come home with a man that looks like a 6 and tell you to look at him like a 9. I know her too well that her words don’t get to me. Everything she said that day didn’t register on my emotional thermometer.

Anytime Alfred came around and she was there, she did everything to let Alfred know that she didn’t like him. Alfred saw it and asked me, “Your senior sister, is that how she naturally is or it’s because of me?” I told him, “If you really want to be happy in my house, treat her like she doesn’t exist. You have nothing to prove to her. Listen to me, when you enter the house and she’s the only person there, ignore her. She can embarrass you.” Alfred took my advice and started ignoring her but my sister being who she is tried all she could to get Alfred’s attention to the fact that she didn’t like him. 

Two years later when we were about to marry, my sister stood in the middle of our hall and said, “If Akua marries that thing she’s been coming here with, she shouldn’t expect me at her wedding.” My dad was there and my mom too. That day I asked my sister, “Abena, please tell us. What is so wrong with Alfred that you don’t want to hear or see anything about him? Do you know him from somewhere? Has he unknowingly hurt you in any way? Just say it. I will bring him right here to kneel before you and beg your royal highness for forgiveness.” She said, “I’m your senior sister. I took care of you. I spent my hard-earned money on your university education. I know more about life than you do. That guy you call a boyfriend can’t help you in life. See how we suffered whiles growing up. See how you suffered before you completed school. Don’t you want to see an end to that suffering? How is this guy an answer to your suffering?”

My dad said, “Abena, to suffer or not to suffer is in the hands of God. You took care of your sister. She’s grateful. She’s old enough now to know what’s good for her…” My sister shouted, “She doesn’t know what’s good for her. If she did, she wouldn’t bring a ‘nobody’ home to perpetuate her suffering. Dad, if you’re sick right now and we need help, I swear that boy can’t give us a penny. Is that what is good for her?” I cried that day. My mom was so angry she left the hall. I said, “Sister, this life isn’t all about money. You helped my education. Thank you. This is my marriage. I can take care of it. Thank you.”

My sister did nothing about my wedding but I was ok. I had my mom and dad and other siblings to help me out. In our family, when someone is getting married, the whole extended family contributes money to help with the marriage arrangement. My sister didn’t pay. On the day of my wedding, she told everyone that she was sick so she couldn’t attend. We thank God that her absence didn’t take anything away from the wedding. We got married, moved in together, and started our married life. For close to a year, my sister didn’t talk to me. She didn’t pick my calls and didn’t visit when I specifically asked her to. I was doing everything for her to know that I don’t hold anything against her but she didn’t come around.

At my junior brother’s graduation, we met. I sat next to her. We talked. We laughed. I told her I missed her. She said, “Abi you’ve grown horns so I’ve left your life for you.” We made jokes and laughed. Everything was good between us once again. 

A year ago, I was there when my mom called. She shouted, “At long last Abena has brought a man home. Has she told you about him?” I said, “No she hasn’t.” I started asking questions. The main question was, “Is he rich?” My mom said, “He looks rich. He came in a very huge car. I guess he has something but he’s old. Ten years older than her.” I said, “Wow, I pray he makes her happy.” My mom said, “That’s all our prayers.”

My sister didn’t tell me anything concerning her and the man. At their knocking ceremony, I was there. It was my dad who told me about it and asked me to come. After the ceremony, I congratulated her. She said, “Sorry I forgot to tell you but get ready, you’re going to be my maid of honor at the wedding.” I screamed, “I’m ready. What is the color? What’s the style?” 

I was in the middle of everything concerning their wedding. I was meeting vendors, doing negotiations, selecting venues, and even helping her to choose her styles. The wedding is happening at the end of this month.  All arrangements are in place for a beautiful wedding. Days ago, after helping her to try on her wedding dress she told me, “You better don’t bring that boy of a husband to my wedding. I don’t want to see him there.” I was so pissed I didn’t know what to say. I said, “Abena, you’re still having a one-woman fight against my husband? What did he do to you?” She said, ”I’m not ready to have that conversation all over again. If you can’t come without him, say it. I will find a new maid of honor.”

I told my mom about it. She was so angry she threatened not to attend the wedding herself. She said, “Abena is an unforgiving devil. We all have to be careful around her.” I went home and cried. I couldn’t tell my husband about it though he asked me on different occasions what the issue was. I didn’t want to bring the issue back again.

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I haven’t spoken to my sister for days but I’ve decided not to attend the wedding. I’m not going to tell her but on the day of her wedding, I will switch off my phone and take my husband to the beach for us to wind down. If I tell her right now that I’ve chosen not to attend the wedding, she’ll go naught and that will spoil a lot of things for her and me. At this point in my life, I don’t care about her again. I’ll stop myself from trying to please her. I will count my siblings and take her out because she’s not my sister. No sister will ever do what she’s doing to me. I know if I don’t attend her wedding, she’ll get very upset and decide not to ever talk to me again. I like it that way. And I will like it to stay that way until our dying days. It’s about time I showed her that I’m capable of spewing venom. She had threaded on my happiness long enough and I’m tired of her.

Am I acting right? Am I going too far with this? I’ve sworn I won’t even attend her funeral if she dies before I do. I will tell my children that they shouldn’t allow her anywhere close to my corpse if I go before her. I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me. My dad supports me. My mom tells me to be patient but for how long?  

—Akua

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