I have been in a long-distance relationship with my man for six years now. When we started dating, we were both still in school and not financially stable. Despite that, I never lacked anything. He always made sure I was okay. We didn’t have much, but our relationship was the best thing that had ever happened to us. We were both happy.

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We visited each other every three months. Apart from the consistent visits, we don’t joke with our communication. There hasn’t been a single day we didn’t talk. Of course, we had our disagreements and drama, but no matter what, he always insisted that we don’t go to bed angry with each other.

So no matter what we fought about, or whose fault it was, he was always the first to call for peace. Sometimes, even at midnight, he would insist we solve our issues. On days I refused to talk to him, he would travel to see me the next day, so we could work things out. That’s how I came to love him more and more over the years.

I can’t say he’s perfect, but in these six years, I can boldly say that he has been faithful to me. I’ve never found any reason to suspect him of entertaining other women. I even have his WhatsApp linked to my laptop, but he doesn’t know. Once in a while, I check his messages and he is completely clean.

He is a focused man. Before he got a job, he used to do farming at home. After every harvest, he would invest in something meaningful.

The way he thinks ahead into the future makes him the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Now, he is 33, and I am 28. He has already introduced me to his family, and they like me. His siblings check up on me as though I am one of them. As for his elder sister, she even visits me regularly because we live in the same town.

My job is quite stressful. I work from 6 AM to 8 PM. I’ve complained to him about it a few times. One time he told me, “Don’t leave your job yet. Just keep going and make sure you save as much as you can. I have some good plans for us.”

I know he has my best interest at heart so I listened, and I have been saving.

Earlier this year, we sat down for a heart-to-heart conversation. “I am ready for marriage,” he said, “I want to meet your parents so that we can start making the preparations.”

We agreed that we didn’t want a long-distance marriage. “So you will quit your job when we get married, and move to my place.” I said yes to that.

He asked me to think of a business I’d like to start so he would open it for me. “I wouldn’t want you to sit home as a housewife.” I said yes to that too.

However, my parents had an entirely different reaction to everything we agreed on. According to them, they spent a lot of money on my education. “How can we watch you quit your job for marriage?” Interestingly, these are the same parents who once told me to quit because of how exhausting the job is.

They are also making so many demands from my man in terms of the dowry. They want him to bring “heaven on earth” before they give us their blessings.

It’s not as if I am not worth what they are demanding but my guy only got employed last year. And while he isn’t rich, he has been focusing on building a house for us so that we don’t have to live in a rented apartment after marriage.

I am more interested in what he is doing to secure our future than some big money he would spend to marry me. My parents, on the other hand, have given me an ultimatum.

They say he must meet all their financial demands, and I must maintain my job after marriage. Or I leave him and find someone else who can meet their expectations.

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I haven’t told my man any of this. How would I even go about it? The plan was for him to meet them in June, so he keeps asking me, “What have they said? Is June okay for them?”

Should I tell him everything? I know he will be disappointed what else can I do? I also know he won’t agree to me holding on to my job because it would mean a long-distance marriage.

I Left Him Because He Didn’t Help In The Kitchen

I wish there was a way we could get married privately without involving my parents. But he won’t agree to that either. He is a traditional man. So he always wants to do things the right way. Our marriage ceremony won’t be an exception.

I don’t know exactly what to do. I feel depressed when I realize all the difficult options available to me. I don’t want to lose my six-year relationship.

—Mumbi, Kenya

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