We got married in December. By January, I was still living in my parents’ house because my new husband’s room was too small to contain the two of us. We were looking for a new place. We were looking for a place months before our wedding. We needed a two-bedroom apartment that’s closer to our workplaces. The prices we heard were so huge we changed our minds. We settled for a single bedroom self-contained for the meantime but that also became a problem. We couldn’t find what we needed so we decided to give it more time.

In February, my new husband lost his job. He didn’t see it coming. He might have saved a lot of money. Maybe we would have postponed the wedding. We would have made a lot of adjustments to accommodate the shock but this tool us unaware.

He was shattered and I was shattered too. A lot of questions came to mind. The future all of a sudden became blurry. How are we going to survive? For how long are we going to stay without a job? What’s the worst? A lot of questions.

His rent was due but we hadn’t been able to secure a new place so I told him, “I’ll talk to my parents. You’ll move in with me until we are able to secure a new place.”

A few weeks later, I helped him pack all his belongings and he came to live with me in my parents’ house. It’s not a big room but it’s bigger than where he was living and because it’s my parents’ house, we can have extra space to keep our things. I told my parents it wouldn’t be long until we left their house for them because we had the money to get a new place as soon as possible.

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My dad got involved. He spoke to friends in the area. He spoke to church members. He spoke to his colleagues at work. He felt my husband wasn’t comfortable living with them as a man so he was going all out to help us get a place. A month later, my dad got us three new places to check. Each of them was good and fitted into what we needed as a couple. When it came to paying for the place, my husband said, “You know I’m not working. If we give all this amount out to the landlord, how are we going to survive? I don’t even know when I’m going to get a new job.”

I got the point and agreed with him. It’s better we saved the money than put all that into a rent. I told him, “Then let’s tell my parents about your situation so they agree to give us time in their house.” He said no. “We should keep it a secret.”

He didn’t want my parents to know that he had lost his job. We argued from day one but he told me, “They can’t know or they’ll start asking questions. They might think I won’t be able to take care of you and that would raise issues. Our marriage is too new to experience distraction. Let’s keep it for now. Maybe later they’ll know.”

I’m a nurse. I wake up early morning and I go to work. He wakes up and leaves the house with me under the pretence of going to work too. We get to the junction and we disperse. He goes out there to look for a job, that’s what he tells me but in the evening, he’ll come home empty-handed. We’ve lived this lie for almost a year.

Because my parents know he’s working, they expect a lot from us. They don’t ask but they had come to expect that we contribute to the payment of utilities and also help with the provision of food in the house since we eat from their kitchen. I take care of all that. I don’t even wait for them to ask. I pay the bills even before they get to know it. But no matter how swiftly I act when it comes to bills, my parents are still not comfortable with the fact that we live in their house.

My dad asks questions. My mom thinks the neighbourhood is gossiping about us and tells me to leave the house as soon as possible. The only lie that has sustained us to this point is the lie I told them when I realized we were going to live there for a long time. I told them my husband might be travelling abroad very soon and might not need to rent because when he’s gone, I wouldn’t like to live alone.

This lie is currently hanging on a thread because for close to a year, everyone expects better from me and my husband. To make matters worse, I got pregnant.

The day I discovered I was pregnant, I told my husband, “This will be a good reason for my parents to ask us to leave. We can’t live with them and have the audacity to welcome another person into their house without their permission. It’s either we tell them the truth or we start looking for a new place.”

He told me, “They’ll be happy to hear that you’re pregnant. Don’t they want to see their grandchild walking around here?” I laughed at his ignorance.

I couldn’t even gather the courage to tell them I was pregnant until they found out themselves. My mom detected it and told my dad about it. My dad called me to their room and told me, “You guys should have your own place as soon as possible. I want to rent out your place. You can’t live in my house and also make babies. It’s not respectful and it doesn’t look like he’s travelling outside again. Leave before I bring people to inspect your room or else I would be tempted to bring them while you both are in there.”

The dice is caste but we don’t have much to rent. I have something but it’s not enough. He’s not working so the money he saved for rent is what he has been using all this while. I told him, “The only way out is to tell my parents you’re not working. I’m not going to tell them how long but they have to know the real situation before they throw us out.”

He said no. He told me he was getting a loan from his parents and we could use that loan to rent a place. It’s been weeks but nothing has been heard about the loan. He keeps going out and coming in late as if he’s the managing director of the imaginary place where he works. I’ve had my mom ask me what my husband uses his money for. My dad wants to tell him right in the face that he should be a man who provides accommodation for his family but I’m the one who calms them down.

I want to let the cat out. My husband is doing and saying everything to keep my mouth shut. I know if I tell the truth it may be our way to liberation. My parents are not stupid. I’m their daughter so they won’t throw me out when they know I have no place to live. If they get to know the truth, they might come to expect less from us and give us space. I’m tired of living this charade and want to tell the truth.

On the other hand, I’m scared of what it will do to my husband’s ego. He might not live with me again if my parents get to know the truth. He may go and settle with his parents, creating a big space between us, which I don’t want. I’m pregnant. I need my husband around me. Situations are currently bad but he’s not a bad person. I don’t need that separation between us and I don’t need to miss my husband before I go out there looking for him.

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He’ll get angry if I tell my parents the truth but I don’t mind his anger. What bothers me currently is what the truth will do to our marriage. Should I tell my parents about it? Should I tell them one more lie that will give us another year in their house? What if they get to know we’ve been lying? Carrots and sticks here but all these questions aren’t doing anything good to mental health as a pregnant woman

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—Afriyie

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