I am a twenty-two-year-old Nigerian woman living in another African country. I got into a relationship with a guy from my country of residence but it didn’t end well. A month after the breakup, I found myself in another relationship. Unlike my ex, my new man lives in Nigeria. I had to go for a long-distance relationship like that because I was tired of trying to find love in the hands of the men living around me.
Jim and I easily bonded over our Nigerian heritage. He is Igbo and I am Yoruba but the ethnic differences could not compete with the many other things we had in common.
If you ask me, I will say that ours was a fast love. A few weeks into the relationship we were already talking about marriage. We said we would get married as soon as I returned to Nigeria. A month into the relationship, I found myself head over heels in love with him. It was also around this time that I found out I was pregnant.
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I was so scared. I didn’t want to get rid of it. But I didn’t know how a baby who belonged to my ex would fit into my new relationship. When I even told my ex about the pregnancy, he said he wasn’t ready to be a father. I also thought about how tedious my job was. I was not sure I could combine childcare with work. All these factors came together to push me to get rid of it.
The procedure was painful. I cried nonstop. Apart from the physical pain, it felt like I was losing a part of myself. I went to be with a friend for comfort but I was still inconsolable. While I was crying my boyfriend called me. He complained bitterly that I had changed toward him in the past week. He was not wrong. It was during that period that I was contemplating what to do with the pregnancy.
While he was ranting I burst into tears. He felt bad and apologized for being hard on me. “No, it’s not your fault,” I told him. Then I opened up and told him everything. He already knew about my ex but he was upset that I took such a huge decision without telling him about it first.
After a long conversation, he forgave me and made me promise never to talk about the incident with him again. He also made me promise I won’t make such a major decision about my life without first consulting him. I agreed to all his terms and we carried on with the relationship.
Two days later, I noticed my pregnancy symptoms had not gone away, despite the nurse assuring me that the procedure was successful. Out of concern, I told Jim about it. After all, I had promised never to lie to him again.
He asked me to take a pregnancy test and send him the result. I took the test on February 5th, and to my shock, it was positive—I was still pregnant. When I broke the news to Jim he asked me to keep the baby. He promised to raise the child as his own, as long as I never told anyone the truth about the baby’s real father.
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I agreed because I couldn’t bear to go through another procedure. Since then, he has been incredibly supportive. I find myself loving him even more.
Now, he wants us to be together before the baby is born. He has given me two options: either I return to Nigeria, or he moves to my country so we can raise the child together. “I want to claim the baby before it’s born.”
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He has also made it clear that he will never tell his mother that the child is not biologically his, and he expects me to do the same. He is 27, with a good job. I also have a good job where I am so we can take care of the child together.
The nurse who did the procedure asked me to take another test in a month’s time. If it happens that the baby is still there, I will have to decide if I should quit my job and move to Nigeria to be with him or if he should change his life and move to my country of residence for my sake. I want to be prepared for when the time comes to make that decision. That’s why I am here. Which of his options do you advise I choose?
—Markay
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The first one is the best . At least you will still have your job when things go south. You agreeing to lie about the child’s heritage to his mom is not right. Don’t rush things take your time. Put your wellbeing and that of the baby first.
If you want to keep this baby, keep it for yourself and not for any man. Since you’ve already informed your ex about the baby, he could come back to claim his child when he hears that you’ve given birth. Please do not under any circumstances quit your job and move back to Nigeria, if Jim wants to be with you, then he should relocate. Having said all that, I’m exceedingly suspicious of Jim. How many men would agree to take responsibility for a girlfriend that they’ve only had for a month who’s carrying another man’s child? You’ve never even met physically before and he’s willing to quit his job, move to another country and lie to his family about the paternity of your pregnancy? Either the two of you have a love story for the ages or there’s a scam going on somewhere. Just be vigilant. Hey Maameafua nice to see you again.
Since her ex said he is not going to be responsible for the pregnancy, then let her tell him that she aborted it so that he will never think of coming for the child. Then she move on with her life. But please note that”NOTHING IS HIDDEN UNDER THE SUN”. Keeping that baby for your new boyfriend is a challenge for you in the future. But please dont tell your new boyfriend mother because if she is aware that is not her grand child she will not show him the love and happiness your child wants. Please Protect your child happiness.
Jerry is right! “there is nothing hidden under the sun”. The truth has an uncanny way of revealing itself when you least expect it. Be truthful always no matter the circumstances. Remember, a lie once told needs a thousand more to cover up.
If the abortion was successful, then the pregnancy is gone. The test kit showed positive because even after delivery, the HCG hormone persists in the blood for some months before it disappears. So it is still likely to test postive with pregnancy kit even when you have given birth or aborted not long ago.
In this case, imaging is the best option to determine whether the fetus is still there or cleared. I will recommend you go for ultra sound scan to clarify this before you make any decision.
I want you to be sure of the pregnancy first. Take a hospital test, to confirm. Some of these pregnancy kits could give you false pregnancy tests. From there you can both take a decision of informing both families and other plans you have.
22 and 27 years you guys should think this through thoroughly before making any decison. Dont make decisons based on emotions. Be realistic