I come from a family of six, and I’m the last born. Growing up, my parents had strong preferences for the kind of partner we should bring home. It wasn’t about religion or belief. It was strictly about ethnicity. There are specific ethnic groups they told us not to marry from. When we were young, their words were like gospel to me. I did everything they said.

Unfortunately, my dad is no longer with us, but he was everything to me when he was alive. The man was my biggest cheerleader, especially when it came to church. He’d sit in the front seat during church programs and give me all the moral support I needed.

The bond we shared was so strong that I lost a big part of myself when he passed away. I even stopped going to church for almost two years because the thought of showing up in the congregation without him was unbearably painful.

Maybe my healthy relationship with my father impacted my dating life. I am saying this because I never felt the urge to date or be with anyone until later in my life.

I have only been in two relationships so far. My first relationship was challenging because of my siblings. They stressed me and caused a lot of drama. All because the guy comes from one of the ethnic groups my parents didn’t approve of.

I was sad to let him go but if even my siblings were objecting to us, then how would we get through to my mum? I had to tell myself, “It’s for the best, and move on.”

Now, I am in my late twenties. In my second year at the university, I met Philip. As stated earlier, I don’t find any thrill in dating. Mostly because I find it time-consuming and emotionally draining. However, there was something about Philip that had me crawling out of my shell. He was different.

I didn’t regret getting to know him. This man is kind, supportive, and prayerful. He is a giver too, that’s another thing I like about him. He doesn’t wait for me to ask before he provides. That aside, I trust his counsel. Whenever I’m confused about decisions, he steps in to guide me. In my books, he is a rare gem.

Before I met him I prayed to God about my future husband. I told God, “You know I find the whole idea of dating stressful. So please, make the next man I date the man I marry. So that I don’t have to go through the whole process again.” It’s a prayer topic I didn’t relent on.

And I can boldly say that ever since I met Philip, I have felt in my spirit that he is the one. His presence brings me peace. I even told God that if things don’t work out with him, I am done with love. I won’t date anyone again. That’s how much I don’t like to trust someone new and open up myself to love them. I should be happy that I have the man I want now but I am not.

The problem here is my mother. She doesn’t want me to marry someone from his ethnic group. All my siblings disobeyed her wishes and married people of their choice. Nothing bad happened to them. In fact, they all have happy marriages.

I, on the other hand, have always tried to be obedient. After my last relationship ended, every man who came my way was from that same ethnic group my parents disliked. I turned them down saying, “It won’t go anywhere so let’s not even bother. My mother won’t approve of you because of your tribe.” Some of these men didn’t want to give up. They were willing to go to great lengths to win my mum’s approval.

Nonetheless, I was afraid of how she would react. Sometimes I jokingly told her, “Mama I met a man but he is from ‘that tribe.’ Should I give him a chance?” This woman would cuss out loud and then say, “You will only marry a man from that tribe over my dead body.” So I never got the courage to introduce any of these men to her.

I let go of all those other men but I couldn’t easily write Philip off just because of his tribe. He was too special. And he still is special. That’s why I have been with him for two years now. He has shown me nothing but love, care, and support.

I am sure he is the one for me. I showed his picture to my sister’s husband, who is a prophet, and he prayed over it. After his prayers, he encouraged me to go ahead with the relationship. That added to the list of reasons I was at peace with my choice.

We’re now preparing for marriage, but my mom remains firm in her refusal to accept him. This is the third time she has said no to him.

This time she is not making it about tribe. She says she doesn’t like his church. I don’t understand her dislike.

I’ve done my own investigation into his church and found that they’re not what most people think. He prays like we do in our church. He listens to gospel songs and even seeks spiritual guidance from my sister’s husband. He values family deeply, which aligns with my own beliefs. As far as I am concerned, this is the most important thing.

READ ALSO: My Boyfriend Left Me Because He Didn’t Believe A Girl Like Me Could Be Single

I am educated so I have learned that people should be with who makes them happy. Love should not be about religion or ethnicity. Unfortunately, my mum doesn’t see things my way. I’m really broken by her behavior. Of all her children, why am I the one she keeps giving a hard time when it comes to men?

How a Long-Distance Relationship Unveiled His Double Life

Now, I’m at a crossroads. Should I tell him what my mum has been saying? I can’t bear the thought of hurting him, but I also feel trapped. What if I keep waiting for my mum to change her mind but I end up wasting his time? If I leave this relationship too, I’ve promised myself I will not date or marry again.

What do I do? Should I follow my heart and force myself to be with him or I should listen to my mum and remain single forever?

— Noelle

This story you just read was sent to us by someone just like you. We know you have a story too. Email it to us at submissions@silentbeads.com. You can also drop your number and we will call you so you tell us your story.

#SB