My mum had me when she was a teenager. She had barely lived. She had barely learned enough about the world. She knew nothing about adulthood and responsibilities, yet she was thrusted into motherhood. What choice did she have? She had to brace herself and buckle up for the journey. I am sure that as she struggled and learned to cope with the challenges of having me, she thought about the life she could have had if she hadn’t gotten knocked up at a young age. She never said this but I inferred from the kind of advice she always gave me.

Growing up with a mother who saw me as a second chance to correct her mistakes was not easy. She always drilled into my head, “Study hard and go to school. Don’t allow any boy to deceive you and get you pregnant. I always tell you that teenage pregnancy will rob you of your dreams. Even if you don’t believe me, try not to repeat my mistakes.” Every time she spoke these words, I gave her a smile and a polite nod.

I love my mother and I knew it would break her heart if I followed in her footsteps, so I made a personal vow to abstain from relationships until I was ready for marriage. I didn’t want to be anyone’s ex. I also decided to keep myself chaste until I marry the man of my dreams. Today, when I think back on those dreams, I laugh.

I find it funny how I had that dream at such a young age. When I was in JHS, many boys came my way. They believed themselves to be in love with me. They looked genuine but it didn’t matter to me. I turned all of them down. Some of them even begged me but I stood my ground. I didn’t even feel an ounce of affection for any of them. It was just me and my books.

When I got to high school, I had a cordial relationship with almost all the boys in my class. I friend-zoned and bro-zoned all of them. This made it difficult for them to approach me with love proposals. However, a few of them crawled their way through the cracks and tried to get me to date them. Of course, I turned all of them down.

It was after we completed school that all the guys I was referring to as my friends and brothers, came confessing their amorous feelings for me. They took turns proposing love to me, and I took my sweet time turning all of them down. It’s not as if they weren’t nice guys, they were. It’s just that I couldn’t think about a boy in a romantic way without hearing my mother’s voice in my mind. I always remembered the sadness in her eyes when she said, “Don’t be like me, Yaa. Don’t be a statistic. Teenage pregnancy will steal your dreams.” I know she loves me and her life would have been different if she had waited for the right time to have me, so I understood her concern.

Three months after we wrote our WASSCE my father passed away. One of the boys from my class, Fii, called to console me. Even the ice queen sometimes needs a little warmth. So I welcomed Fii’s comforting words whenever he called to give them to me. This drew us closer in a way I never thought I could get with him. I enjoyed talking to him so much that I didn’t notice it when the lines of friendship blurred and something more erupted in its place.

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Four months after my father’s passing, Fii asked me to be his girlfriend. For the first time ever, it felt right. I didn’t hear my mother’s voice in my head. All I heard was my heart, beating his name. I decided to take a big leap of faith and give Fii a chance. I gave him my rule; “Fii, I want this to work so you need to know that you won’t be eating my cookie until we are married. If that’s a deal breaker for you then let’s not bother getting together.” He agreed to wait and that just made me love him more. I withheld the part where I didn’t want to be anybody’s ex. The years have taught me that, what will be will be, so I was willing to enjoy being in love with Fii and see how things would go.

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I really enjoyed dating Fii. We went out on many exciting dates and talked on the phone for long hours. We have shared so many memorable moments that I hold dearly in my heart. After our WASSCE results were released, we went to different tertiary institutions. I thought the distance would be our undoing but our love proved to be stronger than life’s storms. By the time we completed school, we were more in love than we were when we began dating. By God’s grace, we didn’t struggle too much in the job market. We each got a job after we finished our national service. Everything my mother hoped I would achieve has become a reality.

I went to school, studied hard, didn’t get distracted by boys, and I definitely didn’t become another statistic of teenage pregnancy. I didn’t even have shuperu until Fii and I got married three years ago. Yes, the first time we did it was on our wedding night. Although at some point I left a few things to chance, I ended up marrying my first love. I am so grateful that I waited until he came along, and I am happy with our lives. Whoever said happily ever after only exists in fairy tales?

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—Yaa

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