I got married when I was quite young. I am currently twenty-three and the marriage is four years old. We have kids but sometimes I get sidelined by my husband when it comes to making decisions about our family.

His mother is his confidant. Unfortunately, the woman is a blabbermouth. She doesn’t know what to keep to herself and what to tell other people. Here lies the case where my husband tells her everything that goes on in our marriage. I mean every little detail.

Not only do they talk but they make decisions together as well. He would then expect me to comply with whatever it is they decide. Even when it comes to my own children, they don’t consult me.

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Honestly, I don’t have a problem with the woman. In fact, we have a mother-daughter relationship. I love her but I don’t want her to be in our marriage. Yes, that’s how it feels. She behaves like my co-wife rather than my mother-in-law.

I have put up with this for four years but right now the dynamic between her, my husband, and me is no longer working for me. It’s exhausting and mentally draining. Something has to change for our marriage to be better.

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My problem is how to initiate this change. Considering how little control I have in this marriage, I don’t even know how they will take it if I speak up. That’s where I need help. How do I tell my husband to establish healthy boundaries with his mother without causing problems with either of them?

I believe when she is out, it will be easier for me to have a voice in my own home.

— Amina

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