I was only four years old when my mother enrolled me in a boarding school at Lapaz. She was busy working so she didn’t have time to raise me. My father has never been in the picture. I have blurred memories of him but that’s all I have. I have never set eyes on him till now. There has never been any mention of him supporting her with my upkeep either. Judging from the stories my mother told me about him, I am sure he doesn’t know my whereabouts.

According to my mum, my father maltreated her when they were together, so she left me and took me along. She didn’t want him to come after her so she moved to a neighborhood he wouldn’t know to look for her. Her family also advised her to change her name to my stepfather’s name when she remarried. So even if he tried to find us, it would be hard.

The man my mother married made sure I knew I wasn’t his child. It didn’t matter that he gave me his name, he never referred to me as his child. It was disappointing at first, but in time I learned to refer to her as my mother’s husband.

I was young when he joined our family but I understood that it was my mother who was taking care of my needs. In fact, she was the one providing for the entire family. This is why I couldn’t live with her. She had to work to feed the many mouths depending on her.

Although I grew up apart from her, a part of me is thankful she sent me to boarding school. It taught me how to be independent at a young age. I learned most of my life lessons through trial and error. After all, they say experience is the best teacher. Would it have been easier to learn all those lessons from my mother? Yes. But in her absence, I had to grow up and learn these things on my own.

One of the lessons I learned is that my mother’s marriage had a lot of problems. I am not sure how deep these issues run but the moment I am home from vacation, things get out of hand. Honestly, I never understood why my mother would stay in a marriage with a man who acts as the head of the family while she is the breadwinner of the family.

He likes to lord over her and constantly remind her that he is the man of the house. Sometimes he would say, “Don’t you know that I am your husband? Don’t challenge me when I ask you to do something.” Maybe after her divorce from my dad, my mother doesn’t want another marriage of hers to collapse. I believe that explains why she puts up with him.

One thing I noticed was that anytime I was home and they fought, this man would blame me for it. That’s because my mother defends me sometimes when he insults me. And he liked to insult me all the time. When he didn’t feel like talking, he would use his hands. If my mother tried to intervene, he would pick a fight with her too.

I hated it when they fought about me. I was the abanoma – stepdaughter in the house so I tried to get used to his insults so my mother wouldn’t have to fight my battles for me. It worked and helped keep the peace until recently.

I am currently twenty-two and in the university. During the Christmas holidays, I went home. I brought some money from school to the house. I didn’t use it so I kept it in my belongings. When it was time for me to use the money I couldn’t find it. I searched everywhere but the money was nowhere to be found. How can money mysteriously vanish from my stuff?

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Let me be clear, I didn’t accuse anyone of stealing the money. I merely complained that my money was missing. My mother’s husband heard my complaints and lost it. “How dare you talk about losing money in my house? Who are you calling a thief?” He asked. When I didn’t answer him, he hit me. This man proceeded to beat me into a pulp.

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When he finished he threw me out of the house. This time around my mother didn’t intervene. She watched everything unfold but said nothing.

Now, I don’t know my left from my right in this life because I’m now stranded. I don’t have anywhere else to go apart from school. I don’t know anyone to call for help. If I knew where to find my father, I would have gone to look for him. The person I can fall on is my mother. But she has chosen her marriage over me. What do I do now? I’m lost.

—Abanoma

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