My phone was stolen in a car. I needed a phone desperately because of a group project I was doing. I got home and told my mom about it. She gave me an old iPhone she was using before my dad bought her a new one. I didn’t change a thing. I only placed my SIM in it and started using it.
That evening, I had a message I thought was for me but when I checked, it was addressed to my mom. The thing is, my mom is using the same iCloud account on both her new iPhone and the old one she gave me so the two phones are connected. The message came from a man who was asking if my mom had reached home.
I went back to read all the iMessages they had exchanged. The man is dating my mom and my mom is behaving like a high school girl with this man. They even exchanged nudes. She sends him money and she texts to ask for more. They’ve been on several trips together. It looked like the man had even spent a night in our house when everyone was away. He calls my mom, “Sweet Pu**y and my mom sends giggling emojis.
I put the phone back and started crying. My dad lives abroad but he has a business in Ghana—a business my mom manages so he comes home very often. At least four times a year he’s in Ghana. And when he’s here, he spends at least two weeks before leaving. My mom is not a child to be thinking about these things. She’s fifty-one and well respected so why would she do that?
The problem now is, I can’t tell her what I’ve seen. I’ve taken my SIM out of her phone and placed it where I took it. I’ve lost every respect I had for her. When she calls me I don’t want to pick. I’m scared she will read from my actions and know what I know. There’s no one to talk and my dad isn’t the best person to talk to at this moment.
I’m haunted. Where should I go from here with this news? I tried talking to my elder brother about it but knowing him, he will blow everything out of proportion. He’s my father’s boy. I wish I could speak to my mom about it but courage. I don’t have it. What if she hates me for knowing what I know? So many questions but no answer. Who should I talk to? Or I should keep mute and die with it?
—Dorinda
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Die with it. You will destroy your peaceful home forever. If your mom knows you know her secret, she will destroy you. No one is as dangerous as a woman caught cheating. If you tell your dad, he will never forgive your mom. If they reconcile, your mom will still never forgive you. However, you can use a new number and text her to warn her to stay away from your “boyfriend” or you will tell her husband who is abroad.
Don’t punish yourself for something you did not do. You can’t talk to anyone because it is tricky. But if you need to do something about it, then it should be making sure this other man doesn’t bankrupt your family because of your Mom’s selfishness and indiscretions. Maybe find a subtle way of making your Dad discover it himself. All the best.
Honestly is the best policy. Muster up the courage and tell your mother, innocently, about what you saw. She will definitely deny, but she can’t be angry with you or attack you. If she does, someone will notice and questions will be asked. By letting her know that you know something, you might save her marriage and preserve your family unit and even the family wealth. You also preserve your sanity. Chances are she will not stop, she be more discreet, but at least your conscience will be free. The truth will out, some day.
Sometimes some things are well not being said. It’s better you leave them as seen and forget about it. No one can know. You might not know everything.
There’s no other way around it. Confront your mom! But try to be as neutral and non-judgmental as possible. Let her explain to you why she’s doing what she is doing and encourage her to end it. After years of marriage relationships may go dry and when a partner stumbles on a more exciting alternative they may stray. This is no justification but try to be sympathetic with her and participate actively in bringing this indesretion to an end
Die with this secret
Dont tell anyone
One day, she or her boyfriend, will slip up, and their secret will come out. You may not have had anything to do with the exposure, but she will think back and remembr that she gavr you her phone. At that time she will confront you, and no amount of denial will convince her, in spite of your innocence. Talk to her now.