It became a huge fight between my mom and my aunt. My mom kept screaming, “You’re not the one to determine who my daughter marries. Are you the one who gave birth to her?” My aunt didn’t scream her words. She has always been the quiet type, but her words carry weight. She responded, “Now you call her your daughter? Where were you when she needed you to be a mother?”

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That went into the skin of my mom, so she started throwing words around carelessly, calling my aunt a witch and what have you. I tried to calm them down. Neighbors tried, but my mom had come purposely to fight, and no one could stop her.

In the end, my aunt threw the decision to me. She said I had my own head to think, though I needed guidance. She told me to decide for myself what would make me comfortable. My mom screamed, “Yes, she would marry him if she knows what’s comfortable.”

We had been very poor. It was the reason my mom threw me to my aunt and never came looking for me until I was older. I didn’t know my dad. I still don’t, so it’s the women in my family who raised me. When I was in tertiary school, my mom introduced me to a man who she said was interested in me. I met the man. I call him Mr. Aidoo because he’s quite older, has money, and has seen life.

When my mom brought him to school to see me, she bragged to the man, “See how beautiful she is. She will make you beautiful kids. She’s a virgin, a full package.” Yes, I was a virgin, but I didn’t think it had to come out this way. Mr. Aidoo gave me a lot of money and left.

Later, I learned about his story. He’s married, but for over nine years, his wife hadn’t been able to conceive, so they had agreed for him to marry another woman who would make babies for him. I respected him so much because of the respect he had for his wife. When he found me, he called his wife, and I spoke to her. She said, “I gave him permission to marry another woman, so listen to him. He’s a good man.”

Mr. Aidoo came around often, calling me his wife, bringing gifts and promises. Whenever he came around, he came with the future sitting behind his car: “See, it’s going to be a great future for us.”

I didn’t say yes. I didn’t say no. My aunt said no when I told her: “I didn’t spend on your education just for you to become a baby-making machine. Don’t take relationship advice from a woman who has four kids with different fathers. Listen to me. Good men are all over the place. You’ll find one.”

Mr. Aidoo rented a house for me after school and asked me to move in so we could start the marriage preparations as soon as possible. When my mom came over to speak to my aunt about it, a fight broke out, and they traded words spiced with echoes of insults from the past.

I like Mr. Aidoo and the promise he comes with, but my aunt makes a lot of sense when she asks, “What becomes of you after the babies? He would go back to his wife, and you might become a third person. If it’s the money, you’ll make your own. Don’t fall for that.” My mom is like, “There’s no better man, trust me. I’ve been with men. I know them. Aidoo is different. He’ll make you a perfect husband, especially since you’re the one to give him kids.”

You Broke Me Into Pieces: A Daughter’s Emotional Conversation With Her Father

I won’t say I’m confused. The line is very clear. I side with my aunt. I didn’t preserve my virginity and live this strict life just to become a second wife. I won’t. But how do I let them down slowly—my mom and Mr. Aidoo? How do I dust them off my shoulders without commotion? Aidoo helped, but I didn’t say yes to him. My mom and I have made great strides together since we made up. This is going to test our relationship. How do I make it sound easy to them?

— Gladys 

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