We dated for four years. She wasn’t a bad person. She was a good person who made bad decisions. For instance, when our love was new and blossoming, she told me about how her ex was pestering her. I told her, “Stop talking to him. Block him where he can be blocked. People will learn to move on when they don’t get frequent access to you.” She didn’t listen to me. She kept entertaining her ex much to my chagrin. No complaint would work and no trick in the books will stop her from talking to her ex so I stopped pestering her. 

One night she was sleeping at my end when her phone’s screen lit up. Not once and not twice. It kept coming up every now and then so I got up and took the phone. It was her ex. He was apologizing profusely for forcing himself on her. I was confused; “Is it an old incidence he’s apologizing for or it’s a new one?” I woke her up and asked her, “When was the last time you saw your ex?” She didn’t understand why I would wake her up in the middle of the night just to ask her about her ask. She asked me, “Is there any problem? Did you dream of him and me when you were asleep?” I said softly, “Please answer truthfully. There’s a follow-up question.” 

She answered; “About two days ago”

“Where did you see him and what happened when you saw him?”

The fiery anger in my eyes might have scared her. She started looking for her phone. I showed it to her; “He’s apologizing for forcing himself on you. It means he did something with you while you were there. Why did you go there in the first place? I’ve told you ceaselessly to cut communication with him but you won’t listen. Is this the reason why you can’t cut him off? So you can get sex from him every now and then?”

She turned the conversation around and accused me of being insensitive; “Your girlfriend got raped and all you can do is make her situation worse? Yes, I made a mistake by going to see him but at this moment, that shouldn’t be the point. You’re heartless and selfish to bring this up the way you’re doing.” I thought I was the victim. She took the baton of victimhood and ran away with it. It turned into a fight; a verbal fight. The give-and-take kind of fight. We broke up that night. I said I couldn’t live with a woman who was still on the leash of her ex. She told me she couldn’t date an insensitive guy who thinks only about himself and not others.

The next morning when she left, I thought it was truly over. My heart was breaking at the edges. A chip at the bottom of my heart went off and another fell off from the top. Two weeks later, we were back together. The chips that fell off got patched and later got healed. She had her mistakes but on many occasions, she proved she was the right kind of woman for me. I wasn’t going to let the good go just because of the little bile it came with it. She promised her ex was out of the picture and I believed her. It was true. For two years, we had no reason to fight about her ex. 

The relationship was three years old when another villain reared his ugly head. This villain wasn’t a soft villain. He came with all the armour I didn’t have. A great job, a nice car, a fat pocket and a beautiful face to go with all those advantages. She met him at a workshop and got stuck. She told me it was nothing. She assured me that we had come very far to allow another man to come between us. When the man called and they had a conversation, she told me about it and told me everything the man has said. I was uncomfortable but I trusted the woman in my life.

One evening, she called to tell me, “He’s asking me for a date. I don’t think he has bad intentions but I want to ask permission. Can I go?” I put both palms on my head and screamed, “Ewurade mewu. Why would you ask me such a thing? Are you a little child who doesn’t see the traps fashioned against her? Think! Just think about it this way. Would you be happy if I told you I was going out with another girl?” She sighed. She murmured;  “You it’s OK. I won’t go again.”

READ ALSO: I’m Going To Lose A Good Man Because Of What I’m Doing But I Can’t Stop It

But she went, I suspect. Because from that point going, everything changed. She wasn’t the lady I used to know. She talked to me like she had seen something bigger than me. All the time I was in the dark asking if everything was fine, she was enjoying the light of another man, a man who had the worldly materials I didn’t have. Finally one day, she made it very obvious that she was seeing the guy. She even removed the password on her phone so I could easily read their chats. I read it. I saw what they have done. The places they’ve been to and the vibe when they were apart. I told her, You’ve made your choice right? She answered, “Take it however you want to take it.

Our relationship died that day. 

Three years later she got married to that guy, the villain who came prepared. I didn’t attend their wedding but I congratulated her for making the right choice. I even teased myself just to make her feel better. I said, “Just look at you. You moved on and got what you wanted. If you stayed here with me, we would have been still struggling. I’m happy for you.” She responded, “Please don’t say that. Life is not black and white like that. You’ll find what you want in life someday.” 

We kept talking until recently I had to go to her feet for help. She works at one of the top government ministries. An opportunity came there and she told me about it so I applied. I need the job and she knows it so she promised to do everything to help me get it. One day I enquired about the job and she told me, “Now they’re offering the opportunity to who they know and who can pay. It’s tough but let’s see what I can do.” I begged her to try for me and she promised she would. 

We were talking about the job one day when she told me, “See the way I’m suffering for you. If I don’t take care, someone at the top will sleep with me all because I want a favour from him. All for what? We should meet and talk ooo because this stress you’re making me go through needs to be taken care of.” 

I took it as one of her jokes but when we met, she tried to get me to have shuperu with her. “You’re married. No, I can’t do that to someone’s wife. Stop the joke and let’s think of what next to do.” She wasn’t joking. She went into her bag and gave me a pack of condoms. “So you don’t get me pregnant.” She said. I asked, “Right here in your car? Don’t do that.” 

Why Do Men Leave After Sex? –Beads Media

She accused me of being a chicken; “Were you not there before he came? What about me don’t you already know? If I give you a pen, you can draw my vajayjay and even draw all the internal sections. You’ve seen all that before so why are you pretending like a stranger?” It sounded like trouble but I don’t eat trouble so I walked away. We haven’t spoken again since then but I guess I’ve kissed my chance goodbye. I can do it with any woman but not a married one, even if that married one is my ex. 

I don’t intend to see her again but if per miracle she continues working for my good and I get the opportunity, she knows I’ll do anything as a form of appreciation but to sleep with her, naaa I can’t try that. 

–Essien

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