My brother-in-law lives with us. He’s here on a project so he decided to stay with us. From our place to where the project site is not that long so staying with us gives him an advantage. He’s the senior brother of my wife, my age mate so we’ve struck some sort of friendship that ensures good living and communication between us in this house. He’s been here for over six months. We never fought. We never quarreled. He does what he can to ensure the smooth running of the house. 

He’s a married man with two kids but he came here and got himself a girlfriend. I was the first person he confided in. I told him, “It’s better you hide it. I can’t pretend to be alright if you bring the lady to the house. How will your sister feel? How will your wife also feel if she gets to know that you have a girlfriend and we are aware of it? To avoid all those awkward situations, please hide it from us. If we don’t see it, we can’t feel bad about it.” He responded, “My sister wouldn’t say anything about it. She already knows me. She knows what I’m capable of so she won’t be surprised. If you’re ok with it, then let’s forget about my sister.”

I didn’t say I was ok with it but he took my lenient answer to mean that I was ok with what he told me. Maybe I wasn’t firm enough in my assertion or he read weakness in the way I spoke to him. He started bringing the lady into the house deep in the night when everyone was sleeping. I’m a light sleeper. Just a passing shadow can wake me up. Each night when they enter the house, I hear about them. The sound of their footsteps is different. He walks softly but the lady’s footstep clicks and makes wild noise. They would speak in whispers but I still will hear them going in. My wife didn’t know what was going on but I was worried about the kind of image we are creating for ourselves. One night I woke my wife up and told her what was going on. 

“You mean he brings the woman in here while we are asleep? “ 

“Yes. Almost every night.”

One day my brother-in-law confronted me. He was angry about something. He said, “Must you tell my sister about it? I thought you knew the bro code. Why would you do that?” I said, “I thought you said she won’t be bothered? So why are you worried that she knows about it?” He answered, “Women can’t be trusted when it comes to issues like these, that’s why I didn’t want her in on this one.” “Then stop bringing her here,” I said. “This is a family home. We can’t entertain a stranger here, especially when she’s not your wife.”

He didn’t stop. He rather stopped bringing her to the house late at night. He brought her in the afternoons and in the evenings. Somehow, my wife couldn’t say much about it. I was the one who was constantly worried. I told my wife; “No we can’t allow him to do that in our presence. Do you think I can look at his wife’s face and smile after knowing all this? No, I’m not such a hypocrite. My conscience is not that weak. Talk to him. Let him stop or tell him to get his own place where she can take his girlfriend to.” My wife told me, “It hasn’t gotten to that. Let’s exercise patience. I’ll talk to him myself.” 

One Saturday afternoon, I came home with my wife and saw the lady in the kitchen cooking, while my brother-in-law was in the hall watching TV. What annoyed me most was what the girl was wearing. My brother-in-law looked at my face with a smile. I didn’t smile back. I went straight into the bedroom and my wife followed. I told her, “Please tell him to take the Girl out of the kitchen and out of the house before things go bad between us.” My wife went out. I don’t know what they discussed. She came back to tell me, “I’ve spoken to him. The lady will be leaving soon.” One hour later, the lady was still in the kitchen, wearing that skimpy shorts and moving around the house as if she owns the place. I went there. I spoke softly, “Dear, we need our kitchen. Can you round up and leave?” She said, “I’m cooking for the house. Wifee doesn’t need to cook.” I said, “Just leave. We won’t eat what you’re cooking.” 

My brother-in-law rushed into the kitchen asking me why I’m pushing the lady out of the kitchen. I told him we needed our kitchen. He got angry. “Is she going to spend forever in the kitchen? Must you let my visitor know that you own the place? Do you know what I own where I live? What sort of bad human relation is that?” His words didn’t bother me. All I wanted was to see the lady out of the house with her skimpy shorts. I succeeded. She walked out angrily. Her rice was still on fire. Her stew was yet to be well cooked. I didn’t care. I stood there until the lady left the house. 

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By this time my wife was sitting next to her brother and calming him down. He got up, pointed his finger at me, and said, “You’re here playing holier than thou in the presence of your wife. Can you swear with a deity that you haven’t cheated on your wife before? Are you a saint? Or is it because I’m living in your house? It’s my wife your sister? Do you think you love my wife more than I do? What sort of macho flexing is that? All because I’m in your house?”

I thought he was going to pack and leave the following day. He didn’t. He still lives with us but doesn’t talk to me. We pass by each other every day without saying a word to each other. No, we don’t fight but we don’t smile at each other. It’s affecting my wife. She’s always playing the middle woman, trying to keep her brother happy while trying to keep me stable. I don’t like the feeling in the house currently. I want him to leave our house and leave as soon as possible. My wife thinks I’m creating enmity between her and her brother. I don’t think that’s the case. She insists I should allow him to live with us but I want him out. 

Am I being too hard on him? Does it sound like I’m killing an ant with a sledgehammer? 

Please advice. If that’s the case, I will stay quiet and watch him live with us until the project he’s supervising is over. 

–Flex

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