He tells me about his wife. Sometimes he talks about her on the phone. We would be having a conversation and he’d casually mention her to me. I don’t mind when he does it. Even when we are together and she comes up, I listen. Mostly it’s out of fascination. The fact that he has nothing bad to say about her.
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I haven’t met her but I feel like I know her because of how much he has told me. I know she is a good woman, a very prayerful one too. She supports his dreams and takes care of him the way any wife is expected to do for her husband. I know he loves her. And he assures me that he is not with me because he is unhappy.
“Our marriage is a happy one. If you were to ask my wife she would tell you we are not having any problems. We barely even fight.”
I listen to him and wonder what he is doing with me if he has a woman who makes him happy. I asked him once and he shrugged, “What can I say? You both make me happy.”
I don’t judge him. Lord knows that I have no moral grounds to do so. It’s just that if I had a husband who made me happy, I wouldn’t be looking elsewhere for happiness. If my husband, Kwame, was half as kind to me as this man was, I wouldn’t be going through a divorce right now.
Despite the fact that Kwame and I have three children together, we couldn’t make our marriage work. That’s why we are currently separated. Honestly, that marriage left me broken. My husband was cold, distant, and had eyes for any other woman but me. I would keep asking myself, “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t my husband see me?”
I developed low self-esteem because of his behaviour. It’s not as if I didn’t play my role as a wife. I took care of him and the kids, even neglecting my own needs. I was told that’s how a woman keeps her marriage intact. Well, I played by the rules but it was still not enough.
This new man treats me exactly the opposite of how my husband treated me. Coffie tells me I am beautiful. He takes me to beautiful places and likes to show me off. When it comes to gifts, he is spontaneous with them. He is always showing up with something to surprise me.
I try not to take him seriously when he says he loves me but he insists on saying it as many times as he wishes.
He doesn’t only say it, it shows in the way he handles me. He opens doors for me everywhere we go. And oh, he is generous to a fault. He provides my needs to the extent that I don’t touch my salary. I even end up saving money out of what he gives me.
To prove that he is serious about me, he has introduced me to his friends. He has taken me to his workplace a few times as well.
I have gotten to a place where I’m beginning to fall in love with him. The problem is, he doesn’t know about my marriage and my children. The kids don’t live with me so he assumed I didn’t have kids and I didn’t correct him.
I feel bad that I am lying to him but that’s not even the worst. Our relationship has gotten to a point where he spends days at my place without going home. Which means his wife is missing out on all those nights. It’s another thing I feel guilty about.
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I don’t like how much the guilt keeps piling up. I want to do the right and set myself free, but he won’t let go. I have sat him down to have conversations with him. I told him, “I am breaking your home and it doesn’t sit right with me. Please let’s end things.”
He answered, “You are not doing anything. I am the one responsible for what happens in my home, not you. Besides, I choose where I go and I have chosen to be here with you.”
I Was The Man In The Relationship And He Didn’t Like It
I know I should stand my ground but I am selfish. His presence in my life is helping me deal with my separation without hurting. Let’s not forget the goodies. I won’t get all the soft life he is giving me now if I insist on leaving.
On the other hand, staying with him riddles me with immense guilt. A good woman like his wife doesn’t deserve to be hurt by our affair. I don’t know what to do. Well, I do but I don’t have the courage to do it. Any advice for me? Please be kind with your words.
—Gabby
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You are ruining someone’s marriage. Mind you karma is real. Don’t mess with a prayerful woman. The prayers alone are more than curses. Don’t take what belongs to another person. Atleast if you didn’t know about his wife maybe what ever comes will be little but your case is different you aren’t innocent. Please have the heart and let go so that maybe God will be merciful and save your life and marriage. Now adays many woman are dying because of things like this. Remember you have little ones to take care of. Don’t loose your soul and home because of gifts etc. If the tables were turned I bet you would have cursed the other woman. Do you know why he loves the his wife ? She is prayerful , peaceful, content with what she has, she concentrate on her herself, family, she is not quarrelsome. Life is too short to allow lust, curses and worldly gifts you can buy with your many to lead to death. Pray for strength and grace to do good. If a hand causes you to sin cut it off. A word to the wise is enough.
Why is it always “do you know what the prayers of a prayerful wife can do?” But those prayers don’t stop the husband from cheating with glee in this case? And if you talk about prayer, don’t talk about karma because karma is not a Christian concept. Will you say this cheating husband is also karma to his innocent wife? God doesn’t punish people the same way as they make mistakes, else who would survive? Call the man out and hold him accountable. And to you the lady feeling guilty for being an accomplice in this man’s affair, best believe if not you, it will be someone else because Coffie has no self-control and is extremely selfish. Is that really the kind of person you want? He doesn’t love you nor his wife. He only cares about himself and getting his needs met no matter who it hurts in the end. He is benefitting from both of you and if push comes to shove he will tell his wife you seduced him and made him fall and the whole world will point fingers at you as a home-wrecker…and their accusations will be justified. As long as you are not a tree, move! Leave that married man alone because he will dump you when you least expect it and that would wreck you more than if you leave now. Block him, cut contact and deal with your divorce one day at a time. Time heals all wounds, so you will eventually heal and eventually meet a genuine person who will love you right
He doesn’t know you are married and have three children. I am surprised you have kept at this deception for so long.
It only goes to show how selfish you are. You couldn’t fix your marriage so you are busily breaking someone else’s. Why haven’t you told him you are married and have children?it’s all simply because you don’t want to lose the goodies you are enjoying. Because you feel he having that information may cause him to change towards you.
You two truly deserve each other.
I pray that his wife finds a man worthy of her love and dedication so you two can have each other.
Liars and cheats in a relationship and funny enough, they would expect loyalty from each other. Very funny indeed.
U left your marriage, probably your husband is cheating or doesn’t care only to be a side chick?
May be a side chick caused your divorce only for u to be a side chick to wreck someone’s marriage?
My sis, I know it’s not easy but plz avoid the married ones.
Be honest with your boyfriend concerning your marriage status and end things there.
May God strengthen u
Ei, people don’t fear nothing o. There are no freebies in life. There’s no “nhyira” in this kind of behavior, and by the time you start paying, you will not be able to make the connection. Use the “truth” about your situation to extricate yourself from the married man. Tell him you separated from your husband but now you’ve reconciled. After all with three children between you, reconciliation would be expected. Cut your curses and move away. The good Lord can give you strength, you can’t do it alone. Go to your pastor or priest.
Lol… we all should be calming down . S many accurate and true advice. I see someone having fun with a serious situation. Really sad tho. But dear Gabby, be sure you don’t get yourself in so much regrets. Sad how women leave their marriages because of side chicks only to become side chicks themselves. I don’t know what’s wrong with the world today. God help us all.